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This woman preyed on our father by meeting him in a senior active community, started having him pay for her bills and she even wrote checks from his account (before marriage). She married him in a secretive ceremony in which we were not old of until after the fact. This was 2 years ago when my dad was 83 and at the very beginnings of alzheimers... now this woman has put him in several nursing homes.. this last one is 4 hours away from any of his family. She has also told us/threatened us many times that she has Power of Attorney and can do anything she wants with him and not let us see him if we aren't 'nice' to her. We know our dad had at least $800,000 in savings for his retirement/health care but she has spent it all and is telling us that she has no more money to pay for the nursing home he's in. We have proof and several people's testimony (from private investigator) that this lady has married old men before (she's 60-ish), spent/took all their money and then they either die or they get a divorce. She is clinically diagnosed as bipolar - hence the big spending sprees and sexual advances we've seen. She was also bankrupt in between her last relationship and meeting my dad.
I know my dad chose to marry her and it seems like this is some form of 'legal robbery'.. but was hoping there was any chance we can prove her for the fraud that she is and get her in jail so she doesn't do this again to yet another naive elderly man and his family.
I'm scared she's spent all of my dad's savings and won't have money to pay for his care anymore, take him back to her home she bought with his money and not take care of him in the way he needs to, to the point where he may die an early death and then take his life insurance as well. (the private investigator does have a quote from her neighbor saying that she told her she was a nurse and can kill someone and 'get away with it'). Just wondering what our options are since this isn't technically an outsider scam but a woman who preyed on him, got married to him and spent all his money.
Thank you,
Pam

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Daughterof80yo I am going through a somewhat similar situation with my FIL. He is in his mid 80s and the woman is in her mid thirties. She is from the US though. He was in an assisted living home after a recent stroke. We were hoping to see some improvement in his health and hoping he could go home again. Or at some point we would come to a decision on his long term care. She showed up on the scene and gained access to him through the assisted living. Lied that she was a relative. But they cant/wont restrict access anyways. She managed to alienate him from the family. I talked with the elderly protective services. Other family members contacted his lawyer. But all this has only strengthened his entrenchment with her and drives him further from the family. I called the local police but there is nothing they will do as it is his choice. Somehow in the process of inquiring with both the lawyer and the assisted living facility they told him. And now he is furious that people are trying to take his rights away. He let it slip in conversation that he had married her. This is only after 2 months from meeting. He was wheelchair bound and in diapers and she is 50 years younger than him. I am at a loss as to what to do now. The elderly protective service has finally connected with him (because he has been furious over this) but they do not have any communication with the family. I am widowed and he is my husbands father. I feel some responsibility to protect him. As a widow I am clearly aware of the unscrupulous people out there. But I live in a different state and have children in school. His other son is also out of state. Neither of us are after his money or are really strong enough to stand up to him or her. But its difficult to watch this and not feel that this woman has no morals. But he is happy with her. And I suppose that is something.

I too am at a loss. He has some obvious mental deterioration but is in that gray area where he could easily fake it if pressed. And he certainly isn't so far gone that he should be so blind to this. But any argument or discussion or disagreement with him only seems to drive him further into her control.
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Though this post is from years ago, I'd be interested in getting in touch with several of you. I'm living a nightmare watching a woman 50 years younger than my 80-year-old father coerce him into marriage, manipulate him and taking his money all in the name of "love". We've tried it all: FBI, ICE (she's from Ghana), State Dept., private investigators, police, adult protective services, elder abuse attorney's and filing for conservatorship. The harsh reality I'm learning is though the crime is so blantently obvious to everyone, I'm told over and over by the authorities that individuals have the right to abuse themselves. My father is showing signs of dementia but we cannot get him to see a neuropsychologist without a court battle. When is enough, enough?
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People long to be loved and it can't be easy to hear that someone is just pretending to love you and after your money. But if they are aware of the past history with aliases and all, and persist in the delusion or denial, lawyer up, consider guardianship (maybe just the threat would accomplish something), consider a private detective to convey findings and see if maybe the person is wanted for prosecution elsewhere and can be turned in, find a third party or some articles via AARP or some other self-help source that will seem more credible than you (they could try and might succeed in convincing your loved one you are just greedy to get a bigger inheritance). This is so wrong and can be so heartbreaking, especially if the abuser manages to stay just this side of legal with it all. Even if appropriating the money is legal, possibly it could violate the terms of a POA as not in the person's best interest and a court might see through it all and help you remove them as POA. Maybe just the threat of revealing their past and seeking prosecution would work to get them out of your family's life..
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My father has died and we have found his will changed she removed jewelry from funeral home etc. But we have found many others that have had dealings with this person so we know we are not mad
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I have had the same problem but our gold digger did not marry my father. She is a repeat gold digger that changes her name. She always has 6 months to live for at least 20 years and she has fake babies I wish I was making this up I'm in the uk and elder abuse is the way I am going to go
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My elderly mother is being prayed upon by a man 20+ years her junior and who has a reputation for scamming elderly women by moving into their homes under the guise that he is a nurse. He has a pattern of elder abuse with addresses and aliases in numerous states. He lures these women and gets access to their finances, a POA or marries them, they pass away, he takes their assets, and moves onto another unsuspecting elderly woman in need of companionship. Our family was warned about him; however my mother doesn't see what he is doing, worming his way into her life. He discusses health and finances with her and tells her he would like to take her all over the world - everything she wants to hear. She defends him vehemently, telling us how wonderful he is, and how he can take care of her We need to protect our mother from him before it is too late. Her mind is starting to fail her and we are afraid he is going to make a move any moment. What can we do?!
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Did anyone ever have any results? We are in similar situation with our father. He thought he was in "love". He stayed in marriage because he hoped his wife who is MUCH younger would eventually love him. However, she spends his $ and now that he can barely do anything for himself but he does not want to do go into nursing home (and his mind is still good) she is upset. Issue is they have been married 15 years. I am concerned because she does not feed him, or take care of him at all and totally alienates family. However, when adult protective services are called, he protects her and because it is his wife, they say they cannot do anything...so what can I do? Any suggestions?
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Thank you for your help! How did you get it to be a federal case?
Our issue is that the lady married our dad and he gave her full power of attorney. when he was of sound mind a few years ago... but now he has alzheimer's and can't testify against her or say that he wants her gone/wants his money back.. he basically has no clue anymore what happened. From what I understand, she is basically legally able to use his (technically I guess 'their') money.
Meanwhile she put him in a nursing home and has 2 houses, couple cars, hundreds of thousands of jewelry, taking cruises/trips and not visiting him hardly at all. From what I understand, as long as she is 'taking care' of him by paying his nursing home bills - she can do whatever she wants with his money since they're married and she has POA.
Ugh - so frustrating.. this stranger has come in and taken over a million of my family's money all for herself.
The reason why we're 'waiting' is when she runs out of his money and then is legally bound to him by marriage to pay the nursing bills still. What then? We think, then she will come after us for those bills... We don't want to have anything to do with that - he had more than enough to support himself.. she spent it all... we are not going to pay for his or her care out of our own money. That would mean she would be basically taking/'stealing' money from us now too.
Just honestly don't know what to do next other than wait... :(
Thank you all for your help - just don't know what to do.. so frustrating..
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Hi, i wrote a similar question back in 2011 about a lady praying on my Father in law.
We were in england at the time i first wrote about it but since we moved back to florida things quickly esculated.
We think we know have a federal case instead of formally been told it was civil, so i say dont wait.... This women has drained everything he and his parents worked hard for and she has done nothing.
Shes bought 3 homes and bought land to a total of 1 million dollars and is currently having 2 homes built on more land she bought with his money.
I hope i can nail this evil nasty waste of a life and give her what she deserves for putting my family through hell for the past 12 years. DONT WAIT :)
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If she truly is bipolar, then it might be that she actually is not capable of being POA. Regardless how hard a clinically bipolar person tries to stay mentally healthy, it sometimes happens that their system changes and, thus, their medications are no longer properly balanced. She might not actually be in-balance with her medications, right now, or possibly when they did the POA, so that is something to pursue. He might or might not have been mentally capable of signing the POA when he did, but she might not be or have been mentally capable of executing it.

And, as for being dishonorable, if she's not balanced on her medications, there isn't much point of discussing what's right or wrong, necessarily, as the bipolar who are out of balance with their medications aren't seeing the world the same way other people do.

Another sign is paranoia. If you rethink her actions and think that paranoia is behind many of her actions, that's another reason to think she's having issues and possible not capable of executing the POA.
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What if my father's health is deteriorating but his memory is only slightly failing. This is happening to my family though he hasn't married the woman yet, he intends to. He thinks everyone else is lying and bold face facts "don't exist". She has some weird hold over him. She is not young but near his age and it's one of her daughters that found him online. We are at our wits end. This will be her fourth or fifth marriage, if my dad marries her, and we just wonder about her previous husbands, who are dead and had similar illnesses as my father. We know very little about her and neither does he. But since they have been dating for almost a year, he THINKS he knows her. Everyone else, who has no reason to dislike her "just because" has seen how she manipulates him for money and began to do so "right out of the gate". All of us, his kids, feel that we are in a nightmare and can do nothing, since he can not be proven to be "incapacitated". It's sickening.
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NO - I am with wheeliesurfer - don't wait and see! There could be a penalty period for "gifting," the second house, many things. Money that is gone is gone; the legal battle to make her pay any of it back would likely be very expensive and maybe even fruitless. If she has spent it and it is not there for him, YOU could end up having to pay for those penalties incurred during the look-back period which is now up to 10 years in some states. To top that off, if it is to her financial advantage for him to pass on sooner rather than later, and she's also got medical POA, her decisions for his care are going to reflect that, unless she really does love him for more than his money. I don't envy your position, but hope you find allies and can get through the legal aspects and assure your father is cared for the way that you and he need and want. Please, get legal help NOW. Maybe you need to keep it all on the down low until you and your lawyer/detective have gathered all the evidence and are ready to pounce, but if the case is half as solid as it sounds, a prosecutor or judge should be willing to take rapid action. You, your dad, and future potential vicitms stand to benefit if you can stand up to this evil and not be blackmailed into inaction any longer than you have to be.
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I would say to start the process of guardianship, financial abuse, etc NOW since if it comes time for him to apply for Medicaid, having more than one house is an IMMEDIATE disqualifier! Also, I would talk to the wife about transferring your father to a NH that does accept Medicare, so if it gets to the point where she can't/doesn't pay the bills anymore, Medicare can pick up where she left off and your father won't have an even harder time transitioning to the new home if he has any issues with dementia (I didn't go back and look, forgive me).
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No real update yet... the wife continues to find and spend more and more money from my dad's account (she just bought a 2nd house!).. while my dad is in a nursing home. My brother and I are actually happy he is in the nursing home instead of with her - he's being taking care of really well there. We just are hoping/praying she will continue to pay his nursing home costs (they don't take Medicaid/Medicare) and we'll leave her alone. The second she takes him out of that nursing home and/or starts to ask us for money (or try for Medicaid when my dad had more than enough money to pay for his own healthcare costs).. then that's when we will go to our lawyers we've been talking to and sue for guardianship/financial abuse/etc.
Does that sound like a good plan? Is the 'wait and see' plan seem good for now... Anyone else know what we can do?
Thank you all for your help and advice and support!
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What has happened in this situation? Can you update on any successes or brick walls you have hit?
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Guardianship is hard to do, it takes letters from doctors and is long and drawn out as well as expensive.

If you do have documentation and eye witness accounts then I would have immediately headed to an attorney, the fraud department of the police and every other agency under the sun to get this woman and nail her to the wall.

If she made such a statement to the neighbor, how do you know that she hasn't already killed someone in the past?

It is my understanding that when a person becomes POA all monies are to be spent for the benefit of the person who gave you their POA, not to buy houses, or apartments, or jewels, or cars. I believe this is considered fraud and I believe she could be thrown in jail.

If someone stole $800,000 of my parents money, you can bet your bottom dollar I would be all over them and reporting them to every agency I could find. There are agencies that deal with fraud of the elderly. In Los Angeles the LA City Attorney sued a contractor for me for my elderly mother who had ripped her off. Go everywhere and speak to everyone to obtain help. Your father was duped and his wife needs to rot in jail!
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Thank you all for your input. I truly appreciate it all! I've emailed/contacted 2 elder lawyers but they haven't replied yet... frustrating. But all this info is good to know and will take it all in - just feels like an uphill battle since he did chose to marry her and I guess she can spend it all (almost kind of like a legal way of identity theft it seems). My brother and I will discuss details when we all get together and see him later this month. I will keep you all posted - it does help to learn about what happens from others. In fact, friends of mine have told me I should write an article or book about this kind of thing/situation to really help get this info out there to others.. :) I will once we see how this will all turn out.. Keep up with the info and suggestions - I'll be checking in a lot! Thanks again!
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I would start with an Elder lawyer and take his advice-if she is applying for Medicaid they will go back 5 yrs. and she will have to private pay until that is paid back. Let us know how this goes down-we learn from others here on AC.
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These are the steps we took to save our father. First, we called Adult Protective Services. They encouraged us to meet with the local police detective. One they had a case going, we filed for Conservatorship.. One we were conservators, we also filed a civil suit. She married him too, with a confidential marriage certificate, after we filed for conservatorship. Once the police had enough documentation and witnesses to prove she was up to no good. They arrested her. The District Attorney felt that this was a good case, and could win. After 3 years of hell, she was convicted by a jury of 3 counts of elder abuse. She is now serving her time in State Prison. There is hope, but you must take action now! Good luck!
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Go for guardianship, she may have POA but you could put a stop to that and her spending. Had a similar experience but at least the relative had enough sense to not give her POA. She was in her 40's, young enough to be his granddaughter if he had one. And he had dementia. Do you have a Elder Abuse law and agency in your state, contact them.
Yes, I agree with what a prior answer said, dishonorable people think everyone is like them so go ahead and be honorable and go for the guardianship. She will have to provide all kinds of proof of payment, bank records and how every penny was spent-eventually.
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POA documents are public and you should be able to see your Dad's. They usually require the POA to act in the best interest of the person and have clauses about cause for removal. They are also not valid if the person was not legally competent at the time they were given or changed, but that can be very difficult to prove. Adult Protective Services are another possible resource in this situation. No matter how expensive the nursing home, they don't typically reach 400,000 a year. The nursing home would actually help to initiate the Medicaid application or even try to get Social Security representative payee - I wonder if the multiple moves were made in order to avoid this process, rather than to find better care? And whether they were even being paid - possibly that's something you might be able to find out.

I just read a quote from someone to the effect that honorable people often underestimate the depths to which dishonorable people will go...I am sorry this has happened to you and the Dad you love.
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This happened to the father of a friend of mine. Except her dad met the gal online. But same exact thing right down to the Alzheimer's. Unfortunately in his case the authorities weren't able to do anything because they claimed that since she was his wife she had the legal right to spend his money and since she never harmed him the family was unable to take any action. She put him in a nursing home but it was in the same city as his family so they could at least see him. They're still married, he's in a nursing home, and while I don't think she lives high on the hog anymore I think she's ok financially. But my friend and her family felt the same as you and it was appalling because it was so obvious. Why marry a man with dementia? Who would want that for their life? But it's not illegal.

My best to you and your family.
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nursing homes do not come cheap! If she has spent all his money in the past two years, then she will have to apply for Medicaid for him to continue living in a nursing home, the five year look back period will tell just what she spent on on what. I am a step mother also, and like Ferris, you could be describing me as well, but I also love my husband with all my heart, and although I am 14 years younger, we have been happily married for 27 years. do you get to visit you Dad? How is he being treated, that's what counts.
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Gee Pam, you just described me, but I love my husband of 29 yrs. and am a nurse and taking very good care of him. I also had twin sisters from grade school have this happen to their father with a woman he met at Greek church, and she did everything you are describing your step-mother is doing. The caveat was that their father left his girls with a Trust that she could not touch.
However, they did sue her as I am recommending you do as well. At least you can damage her credit and the house can be sold IF you can prove she did defraud your father. Gather all the information and documents you have, and also check with your State of Nursing board to check if she has/had a nursing license. If she still has one, you can make a complaint to the board. When there is a marriage, and your father has dementia, it is going to be pretty hard to prove fraud, but try. I went through millions of my husband's money, but he always gave it to me. You father must have been "in love" and it will not be the first time men have been "swindled" by women. Widows with money have also been taken by men who promise to love them, so this is not unusual. I am sorry your father has dementia and cannot tell you what he was thinking when he married her.
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Call the IRS about her,get them interested in her.
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What everyone else said. Nail this woman to the wall any way you can get her, especially if you have the proof to back it up. Save some other poor man having to deal with this horror of a woman...
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If she is also spending his social security you can definitely call them and report her, and she can be forced to produce documentation of all her expenditures for his benefit; if she can't well its bad for her...she can get in a lot of trouble. Social Security is to be used for the expenses and benefit of the senior. She will have to produce actual documentation to them of everything. Its worth a try. You can also call a lawyer who specializes in Elder law. They could help out with advice.
If he gets pension or SS call and report what you are seeing. Have other siblings do this also. Elder abuse is a crime.
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Your State's Office of the Attorney General is usually interested in cases such as you describe, with a history of abuse of more than one person. Almost like the "black widow" syndrome...

That's where l'd start. If you have appropriate documentation, they will start an investigation at no charge to you. You must stress the emergency status of the financial draining. They can freeze accounts and have judges set aside someone's POA if they believe it's warranted.
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If you have proof from a private investigor and other people's testimonies, why can't you go to your local detective bureau with that and see about making a fraud claim against her? At least lay it all on the table and get some reliable advice. I think you need to do do something really fast. I would also consult an Elder Law attorney right away. I believe there must be a way to get the POA negated, and do whatever is necessary to get your Dad into a facility that is close to you. God bless, and good luck. Please keep us posted too - I am sure we can all learn something valuable from your experiences during this process.
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