Should I report suspected elder financial abuse in the family?

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My grandmother is 86, has Parkinsons & Alzheimers. She is weak & dependent on others for care. She is living with my aunt (her daughter) & my sister is her caregiver. (comes in daily 8:30-5) My aunt has steadily drained my grammie's bank acct. to the tune of over 100K over the last 8 months. She has manipulated my grandmother & has her kind of brainwashed. They have a rather sick relationship. I just recently learned my aunt is "convincing" my grandmother to sign over the rest of her $ (only 40K left now) to her, as well as her house, so she can qualify for govt. assistance/medical care.

1st of all, she probably won't get it anyway because they'd find out about the transfer of funds & deny her. But by then my grandmother's $ will be gone. My aunt gives it all to her drug addict son & her other son who barely works. Plus she spends large amounts on herself.
She also ignores my grandmother, doesn't give her meds properly, rarely makes sure she bathes, & leaves her alone for long periods. It's deplorable. I'm stuck here as my sister's source of income is my grandmother. If I report all this she may very well lose her job. Of course my aunt will hate me as well.

The rest of the family isn't even aware of what my aunt is doing. She is such a master manipulator that no one suspects & they all think she's a saint for taking care of her mom. If only they knew. I have recently told one of my uncles. He's says he's going to look into it. Anyone else experienced anything like this? Should I just call adult protective services? This is such a mess. Also, my grandmother, even though she's being mistreated, will defend her daughter. She is so brainwashed she will back her up probably. I don't want her to hate me. I love my grammie very much. It kills me to watch this.....

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SO THEY ARE GOING TO GO BACK FOR 5 YEARS...DO I HAVE TO HAVE BANK STATEMENTS FOR 5 YEARS....TO THEY SAID THAT MADE MY MOM SIGN A PAPER "MEDICAID PROGRAM TRANSFER OF RESOUCES ACKNOULEDMENT"DO YOU KNOW HOW THIS WORKS IT WAS NOT WITNESS AND I DNT THINK THATS MY MOMS SIGNATUREI AM MEETING TOMMORROW WITH ADULT FOR ABUSE..FOR BANK FRAUD...THANKS..
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In order for her to be on Medicaid for a nursing home, she has to be approved. That means that they'll do a five year look back at ALL of her financial picture including any large withdrawals. They have to account for it all.

Anyone ever hear of bank fraud? How about mail fraud? How about forgery?
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BECAUSE MY SISTER IN LAW IS TELLING US THAT THEY DID HAVE THE RIGHT AND THAT THEY ARE NOT GOING TO PAY MONEY BACK.(.EVEN THE BANK SAID THAT THEY DNT HAVE THE RIGHT).MOM AND DAD HAD..$36000.00 THAT THEY HAD TO TRANSFER.. SO MY MOM CAN GET IN NURSING HOME.AND GET ON MEDICADE .MY SISTER- IN- LAW TRANFERED THAT MONEY TO A ACCOUNT THAT SHE OPEN JUST UNDER HER DADS NAME..WHICH THAT WHAT THEY WERE TOLE TO DO..BUT DID SHE HAVE THE RIGHT TO TRANSFER THAT MONEY TO ANOTHER ACCOUNT UNDER HER NAME AT A DIFFERENT BANK..IMY STEP DAD DIED IN SEPTEMBER AND I MOVED MY MOM FROM LOUISIANA TO OREGON....SO I WAS ABLE TO GET HER IN A NURSING HOME HERE..BUT WE DO HAVE A APPOINTMENT WITH MEDICADIE IN JANUARY TO GET HER ON...IF I HAVE TO SHOW ALL BANKS STATEMENTS FOR THE LAST YEAR HOW AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN THE MONEY THAT WAS TRANSFERED...IS THIS GOING TO BE ON ME OR HER...THE MONEY THAT SHE TRANFERED FROM MY MOTHERS ACCOUNT...SHE DIDNOT USE FOR MY MOTHER SHE TRANSFERED IT OUT TO THE JOINT ACCOUNT..TO HIER DADS ACCOUNT AND THAN TO HER PERSONAL ACCOUNT..FOR MY MOMS NEEDS..THANKS...THEY ARE MAD AT ME BECAUSE THEY ARE SAYING THAT I SHOULD NOT HAVE MOVED MY MOM BY ME BECAUSE I MESSED UP THINGS WITH MEDICAID...SHOULS I BE RUNNING SCARE OR THEY WORRIED..
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Red Alert!!! Call Adult Protective Services asap. If it was just a small amount for taking care of her, and things she needs that would be different . But, 100,000.00 no way.
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MY SISTER IN LAW TOOK MONEY FROM MY MOTHER OWN PERSONAL BANK ACCOUNT (ONLY MOTHERS NAME ON ACCOUNT..SHE TOOK MY MOTHER TO THE BANK BECAUSE SHE SAID THAT AFTER A YEAR MEDICAIDE TOLE HER SHE HAD TO HAVE OWN ACCOUNT)MOTHER IN NURSING HOME.SHE SAID THAT MEDICAIID TOLE HER SHE COULD..TOLE HER IT WAS FRAUD...SAID THAT SHE HAD THE RIGHT BECAUSE MY MOTHER COULD NOT KEEP MORE THAN $2000.00 IN ACCOUNT...TOP IT OFF SHE WHEN ON BANK ONLIVE AND TRANFER MONEY INTO HER OWN ACCOUNT..
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And yes, your Aunt is doing something wrong if or when she tries to get medicaid,within 5 years, but the government will be on top of that. To me it still goes back to the uncles, that is their inheritance she is spending too.
Again, sorry, but if you go to court things can get so twisted and turned.
My daughters dad was in a "vegative state" after a car wreck. She was made guardian. Well the great uncle and aunt who had never been in his house wanted in on the deal because there was a law suite to the tune of 10 million (it was a major company that caused the wreck, negligence ran a stop sign)
They took her to court, lied and had their attorney "imply" that daughter was "sleeping with her dad's doctor". INSANE! She was engaged to a totally different doctors (different city) son and he was in pre med, but they threw that out there and the implication - just the implication which was a lie hurt her. They made the 85 year old uncle a co-guardian. She was a college graduate from IU - on deans list often - graduated from the school of business there. In the end (after 9 years of batttling in court - he passed of a seizure in middle of night - all the court cost, the family feuds meant NOTHING. She was the sole heir. Albiet, the attorneys got 3/4 of the money. They money she got she put in a trust fund for her children, said it was blood money and she wanted no part of it. Once you get involved in the courts....anything goes.
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Allshesgot: Thank you for your support in my post. I did not mean to point finger, say the Aunt was right...just wanted to (like I said in another post) play devil's advocate. When you open a can of worms, you better be able to deal with the mess.
Just wanted to warn that things can get mean, messy and ultar the family permantly if not handled gently. I am sorry luvmygram that you took my post so critically. My intent was for you to think about the out come for any impulsive decisions.
As far as your sister goes, this country is full of many people not complying with federal rules...I agree your sister does need the help and there are many that abuse the system because they are lazy. I meant no disrespect, it's just if the ball starts rolling and it is probably going to come back on her. That is why I felt you should have the uncle speak with the aunt and maybe put some fear in her so this won't get carried away.
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Thank you very much for your response. You gave me a lot to think about. I think I am going to step back, not that I've done anything yet anyway. I am not going to get into this at all. You are right in saying it's her choice to do what she wants with her money. It's her choice. She has been half supporting my aunt for many yrs. now but she wants to do it I guess.
You have a good point in that grammie will stand by her daughter & defend her, regardless. She will do that & I know it. Even if her daughter did something very obviously wrong, she would still defend her & probably be very angry with anyone saying anything against her daughter. No, I don't want to be that person.

thank you to everyone who has given such thoughtful answers. I appreciate all the care & time you took to write.
I am going to continue to be a support with daily phone calls, emails & an ear for all 3 of them. I will be there visiting again soon for a wk. & will go there more often. That's the best I can do.
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Luvmygram...with all do respect. "The problem with reaching out this way" is that we don't know the whole story and are giving advice on some assumptions. That didn't mean we think these assumptions are facts,we are simply giving advice from these different angles. We appreciate you awnsering questions to help us understand the situation better. Golf cared enough to take time to awnser your question to help you...like you requested. These are the facts I do understand. Your grandmas daughter is caring for her and has hired her granddaughter your sister to be a caregiver also. Grandma has ala. And parkinsons. Your concern is that she is not being cared for properly, but she is being cared for properly by your sister. Your other concern is that her daughter is mishandling her money. You live in another state and are getting your info from sister...I understand completely her fear,I understand what its like to have a child you would do anything to take care of them. That didn't change when the child grows up. To your grandmother,her helping her daughter pay the late mortgage is somthing most parents would want to do for their children. If someone told my mother it wasn't right for her to help one of her children,she would probably show them the door. Even if she had just had a huge disagreements with that child. My point is for you to tread lightly because as close as you are to your Grammy that is still her daughter and she will fight tooth and nail for her child. The last place you want to be if things are not on the up and up is ostracized from geammya life. If Grammy is being physically abused(it doesn't sound like it)then by all means do somthing now but if not I would step back a bit. Your Grammy s relationship with her daughter may not be healthy in other peoples eyes but they both get somthing out of it for it to have been this way all along. There is no crime in this kinda relationship you hear all the time or 40to years or living off of mom and dad. Healthy?no noble?no but it happens in most family somewhere. Taking care of your mom is especially hard...your aunt may sleep on weekends cause she is depressed or burnout. She is lucky to have your sis helping her. Its to hard for one person to do alone. Care is expensive. How much does it cost to hire your sister? Figure that up over a length or time. Medicines for parkinsons expensive, has she had any short hospitalizations? Medicare has strict rules on what they will pay for.many seniors can spend a few hundred dollars in medicine from one hospital stay if they don't meet certain criteria to pay for it. If aunt is a social worker you are right she probably does know the rules,she may have acted like she didn't know to be polite,or avoid the conversation with you. If you go calling agency with a bunch of rumors the first thing they will ask is, what have you witnessed. Grammy relationship with her daughter has likely been like this all her life. You don't want your Grammy being pulled outta her home,and put taken over by strangers. They would be unlikely to pull her from her home and give her to another relative several states away. Its not that simple. You may not want the animosity it would create between the family. Unless you KNOW your aunts intentions not just assume them,I would step back. If aunt messesup the money part with Medicaid and has to pay a lot of ninety outta pocket that's on her. You can try to give advice. But if she don't listen that's her mess up. If grandma wants to continue this type of relationship with her daughter..that's grandmas right. You could probably do more good by being the supportive granddaughter/niece. Lend them an ear when they get on each others nerve..offer advice. Love and support them. But getting into custody issues over grandma may make you the bad guy. Remember grandma may not want to be rescued. Please don't take anything said as being mean or rude. I really don't think that is anyones intent.



..disagreement with her child. My point to that is for
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One other thing, I see you mentioned my sister being wrong in not reporting her income yet you didn't mention my aunt having my gram sign all her money over to "fraud" the govt. so she can get services. That's ok in your book? Also, think about this..... If you sign over thousands of $$ then apply for benefits, do you think that would be noticable??? Duh! I mentioned that to my aunt recently, saying "when you apply for benefits you are asked about assets & anything transferred recently. Grammie would not get benefits & you would get in trouble for fraud if you do this." Her response "oh, I didn't know that." Interesting, considering she works for social services.
& guess what? She still plans on having her funds all transferred to her. So you tell me I'm just being paranoid & my aunt is doing nothing wrong. I love my aunt but she has stolen from many of us over the yrs. & is very sneaky & manipulative. She is also VERY smart, brilliant perhaps. She knows what she's doing & is very calculated. Plays stupid very well, or at least thinks she does. Has no idea anyone is onto her. So I won't be dropping it & hoping all will turn out ok.

I'm going to visit my gram right after Xmas. Gram has said many times she wants to come stay with me, so may be exploring that option, even if just for a visit.
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