Can I report a sibling abusing my parents without my parents knowing it was me who reported him?

1daughterunlaw God bless you!!! Your mother in law, I am sure, knows you are her guardian angel and I swear there is a special place in Heaven for you and people like you. I am tearing up here over what your poor in laws had to endure and also tearing up because you are such a sweetheart and good soul! I pray God will make this test you and your family are going through a test that will bring you much goodness and blessings! You are doing the right thing, not the easy thing and that is a beautiful thing!!!

i was sized up by hospiss and aps and looked like a freeloading parasite to them. it only showed their sexist ignorance. my mother would kill or die for me and me for her. we had a good doctor who saw the healthy and respectful relationship mom and i had and he finally told southern care to cut the browbeating and duress and act like guests in our home. good man..
so yea, be prepared to take your brothers place when you try to get him ran off. i think your head would explode in a week..

Abuse was reported regarding my in laws who lived in another state. Social worker came out and claimed everything was ok - I was appauled! My sister-in-law said all they did was ask a few questions and see if there was food in the house - any food, not necessarily meals. Yes, as was stated earlier, my in laws were protecting the abuser. They were living in filthy conditions, having their pre-teen grandchildren take care of them, neither of them had been bathed in months. When the abuser finally went to jail for another domestic abuse against his wife, father in law at the time was in hospital and has since passed away. Mother in law now lives with us. When we went to pick her up, she looked and smelled horrible. 4 of us cleaned out the entire house they were in (renting) and basically threw everything away due to the stench. She is a totally different person living with us today. Clean, nice new clothes, hair and nails done, etc. She is a stroke victim and cannot walk or hardly speak. It has been a difficult adjustment having her move in with us. We had to put an addition onto our home with a handicapped bathroom. So, the moral is: be prepared, if your brother is kicked out - (as he should be he's an alcoholic - enough said), that you'll have to find a place for your parents or find a full/part time caregiver. This is all very expensive; however, if I knew then, what I know now, as easy going as my mother in law is, I would have looked for a nursing home or another type of home facility. My mother in law is only 68, and my husband and I are 49 with two teenage children. We were not ready for this.

Mamato4, so what are you going to do? Inquiring minds want to know.

This is what I do know, if he does not have a lease as a renter in the house, if he is not on the deed, or if he does not have a right of residence, he can be thrown out, period.

You can report it from a confidential perspective, but you can not likely deal with the issue completely and maintain your identity unknown.
Lets say he is even arrested, when he makes bail will your parents allow him back? Are they competent? If so, it is their choice (albeit bad) to make. This is a sort of domestic violence, if the victim (or guardian ) does not complain, law enforcement and courts will be able to do very little.

If parents are competent, you need to convince them getting him evicted is the right thing, is doable and is in their best interest. THEN proceed with caution and legal help to make sure he will not be allowed back in.

If they are not competent you need to address guardianship and bring this matter up in the courts, confidentiality should not matter if they are not competent from their perspective. If what you are is afraid of your brother and have decide to tackle this move swiftly, with restraining orders and watch your back.

Naturally, a restraining order would have a name on it; the person being served must know who they are suppose to stay away from....APS reports are confidential as are CPS reports (licensed mental health professional). Many victims deny problems. When there are signs of an altercation while your brother is with your parents the best bet is to call the police for your parents protection. If he lives there you might be able to remove him during an altercation but not permanately. I believe to move him permanately you would have to go through the eviction process and you would likely have to be the POA to do so.

What an awful situation to be in yes i would report it ASAP in case anything happens to your parents in the meantime? Do your parents tell you this themselves? If so I would speak to them and record the conversation? Gosh what a tough oneI had to kick my SIL out as she was stealing from my mum my brother still hates me and never believed it but too many things went missing and she would just take my mums clothes and wear them without asking? I was in a very difficult situation but now i dont care what my brother thinks of me i was protecting my mum from her. I would contact a social worker asap also and tell her your concerns. Good luck i know how difficult this is but rest assured your name wont be mentioned.

Why can't you just kick him out of the home? And why not first give him the option to leave, or you will report him to the police and APS. You can give him a time frame of say a week to move himself and his things out of the house. Before you do this, you should document any abuse you know of with videos, photos and write down things too. Tell him you have all that proof of his abuse and if he does not leave you will give it to the police and APS and he will most likely be arrested and charged with elder abuse. Then you need to either move in with your parents, or move them in with you, or get them into an assisted living facility or retirement complex or if need be a nursing home. You can't just kick your brother out and have your parents fend for themselves , Also sometimes people being abused will protect the abuser, so be prepared for that too.

Not enough information to comment on, who is saying they are being abused, the parents? did you see it with your own eyes? Do you parents have dementia, can they be telling stories? You will not stay incognito, it will come out. If he is abusive then he needs to have the police take him out when he is being so and then that is that, a restraining order and end of him, but if these are stories from your parents, you will be creating a real mess for him and yourself and your parents.

Who else would be reporting it if not you? How do you know he has tried to hurt them - have they told you, or have you witnessed it? If you have witnessed it yourself, that would be a lot more effective than hearsay, because as others have mentioned, they may deny it out of fear when questioned by authorities. Make your presence known at their home as often as you can - especially around the time of day that things seem to get worse (guessing evening?) for them. What's he going to do if he knows you reported him? If he threatens you, you call police and report that too! If your parents require more care than your brother can give, maybe it's time to talk to your parents about hiring a caregiver - an unconnected, unbiased witness to any abuse would be much more effective in getting the brother tossed from the home if your parents can't (or won't) do it.

Adult Protective Services
If you make the call. Let them know what's happening. Let them know your parents might be scared. They will investigate. J have been a Caregiver for over 20 yrs. Report ASAP

Yes, your report is confidential, however, your brother will probably figure it out. My brother lived with my Alzheimer's diagnosed mother for awhile, I got a restraining Order of Protection and he was removed by the sheriff, but the court documents showed my name. So, expect some angry outbursts if you do this, but you will be protecting your parents. If he were to hurt you, you could file charges on him too. Go for it. Alcoholics are capable of irrational behaviors and can get violent very quickly. Best wishes!

I reported my niece once and when they went to the house my mother denied that anything was wrong. My niece would threaten to take the young child my mom was caring for away from her if my mom did not give her money or watch her other two children. The young boy would scratch, scream and push my mom down. Also, I heard my niece claim that she gave all the kids Nyquil so that they would be knocked out so she could go party all night on the weekends.
All of this was reported anonymously by several of my siblings. I saw the report mailed to my mom's house. Said they found nothing wrong with any of it.

You can try but like rfhendricks said, you might need pictures, video, etc.
There are video devices that can be disguised as charger in an outlet that records video but no audio. There are also long playing audio recorders that you can put in the house that no one will see. You might want to try some of those gadgets if you can get them in the house.

I was told by APS the only person that will ever see the report is a judge if it becomes a court matter. I was the one reported, case closed. Just a vindictive, spiteful act the investigator stated.

I reported my brother for physically and mentally abusing my mother both to the APS and the police. From my experiance it was a waste of time. My mom when question denied it. Why? because she was scared of what my brother would do to her. You need solid evidence, pictures, witnesses. Good luck to you.

Yes, the person that requests the investigation is kept confidential, speaking from experience. APS is required by law to respond within 72 hours, too long if you ask me. But in an emergency use 911 so police will respond. If you can call for police response, and they remove him, this will help APS in their investigation. But the report compiled by APS is also confidential, you will not have access to it.

This is a good discussion to have. So many of us have concerns over care and wish a fresh unbiased person could weigh in.

Are your parents impaired in some way that they cannot throw him out themselves? For example, do either of them have dementia or other cognitive problems? It is hard to protect competent adults from their own bad judgment.

I believe that reports to Adult Protection Services keep the person who reported the suspected abuse confidential. When you call, ask that before you start explaining your concern. But if they go out to investigate and your parents deny that there is any problem, they may not be able to do much. How would your parents react to such a visit?