Should I report my Mom's nursing home to the state? - AgingCare.com

Should I report my Mom's nursing home to the state?

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My mother has been in a facility since last fall. It has recently become apparent to me that she gets no hands on care at all. The last time she was showered by staff was in March. I have been bathing her or cleaning her up when I visit. Often when I come I find her in 4-5 pairs of filthy underwear. This is an issue I have discussed with aids, the charge nurse, social worker, and director of nursing since December. The nurses and social worker yell at me claiming I "know" my mom is "resistant to care." The aids say she doesn't want too and they legally cannot force her to or they could get "30 years in jail." I try to reason with these people. I've even threatened to call the dept of heath, but NOTHING makes any difference. I have not reported this already because I was afraid of repercussions. I like the fact that my mother has a private room. That makes a big difference in her happiness, but I've gotten to the point where even if we have to leave, this is unacceptable, though I am afraid of where she might end up, going from the frying pan into the fire. Some dementia units aren't fit for a dog.

Has anyone done this? Can you share your experience? The low lives at my mom's facility are bullies and they cover for each other. I wouldn't be surprised if they falsified the records because when I asked to see my mother's bathing records back in February, they started acting weird and would not show them to me.

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Yes, report them. It is absolutely unacceptable.
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My uncle would also refuse his showers. Carter talking with him I found out that his shower time was usually between 10 and 12 at night. To me, this was ridiculous for someone who goes to bed at 8pm each night. I would ask that they give me a call if he refused his shower. This conversation i had with the nurse. I learned that if the aid came in and woke him up and said time for your shower and he said no, thst was the end of it. The aid never actually had a discussion with the nurse. I would make sure I was there in shower day, find out the time they intended to shower him and make sure I called him to prepare him for the shower. If a shower was missed, they wouldn't try again the next day, but would wait till his next scheduled day. If he didn't shower on Tuesday i would be up there on Wednesday asking what time he could get a shower . If I wasn't there it didn't happen. I would also bring up cookies occasionally as a "thank you" but in my mind it was more of a bribe.
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One suggestion would be to see if the nursing home would allow you to hire an outside professional person to come in to bathe your Mom... this person knows the tricks to get an elder to accept some type of bathing, and that is their only job going from household to household to nursing homes, etc.
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Christine , we have a similar situation here. We spoke with the new director and said the situation HAD to change. This is in an AL facility. We (ultimately) got them to agree to note the calendar in the room as to the shower being accepted or rejected. That seems to be working better. Can you make arrangements to be there at shower time and encourage her to participate? You may be able to force the situation and truly the aides can't. (Having said that, resident resistence is a great excuse to get free time). Ask the director to set up a specific time for the next shower and that you will be there to help the aide. Your help should consist of encouragement to Mom only). Good luck.
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