How do I report abuse of mother-in-law and stay anonymous?

Mandated reporters, like doctors, nurses, teachers, social workers, etc. have to give their names when reporting suspected abuse or neglect but other people do not. You can make an anonymous report. Someone will then investigate.

These things you mentioned are all important issues to your monther's health.Your report to your state adult abuse hotline is always anonymous. You have very validconcerns . Know that your mother is depending on you also to see
that her care is good. These things are difficult , but need to be looked into
out of your concern and love for her.

You can report the matters top your state's Department of Aging. It might be helpful to include pics and any supporting documentation. If the abusor is a court appointed guardian, send a report to the designated court.

You can call the elderly abuse hotline you can google it, or your local social services. Each will keep your name out of it. As Jazzslofton suggested, keep documentation, take pictures also. If necessary call the local police department they will keep it on file for further use. Documentation is the key.

Definitely contact the state elder abuse hotline. They will contact the local agency in her area, and make a mandatory home visit. If they feel she is in immediate risk of health issues, they will take action in getting her removed from the home and get proper health care. This may be hospitalization, temporary long term or rehab placement, and help with future plan of care such as nursing home placement or home care with appropriate services. They also continue to monitor should she move home. In some cases they even petition the court for temporary guardianship for the client. The most important thing to do is to get her immediate evaluation for the leg ulcers which can easily progress to septic ulcers putting her at risk for, septicemia, loss of extremities, and possibly death if no medical treatment is sought. Elderly have decreased immune systems, diminished circulation, and reduced sensory input . These all increase their risk of medical complications over younger adults. Know you are doing the right thing as her advocate. God bless you.

in the case of a skilled nursing facility; the facility can put 2 and 2 together even if a state report is kept anonymous. The DIL might also be able to do so depending on how many visitors MIL receives; she can deduce who made the report...just be prepared. if she is able to figure out you were the reporter she is likely to retaliate by interfereing with your visits etc etc...yes its against the law but NH get away with it all the time. i am living the retaliation right now. Therefore pictures are extremely helpful...how is she treating MIL's bedsores? that's awful and you must report as they can be deadly and painful. if there are multiple bed sores that is even worse!!!!

If mother in law can be recorded about her pain for example; is MIL aware of all of her sores? If so, a recorded document from MIL would be great in an effort to protect her...sounds like she needs immediate medical care for the bed sores...this could be a case where adultprotective services visits quickly but i don't know, does aps look at peoples bodies? I don't think they do. Hence, please lots of pictures if you can acquire them. It may be time for a private visit with camera in toe to your MIL. You might hidden nanny cams..i saw one that was a baseballl hat so you could where the hat when visiting and record at the same time. no one would ever know with this hat...its on my list of "wishes"

sorry i used DIL in a post and meant sil...

I echo Donna RN, take pictures, everybody has a cellphone with camera action these days, but I would not wait any longer, call the hotline, senior abuse, your state, you have access to a computer, the number will pop right up.

A social worker from the agency comes out and does an investigation, if the sores are bad and you should say that they are, that will get their attention right away, and they will be out, within a few days.

in the case of the nursing home the cell phone camera technique is too too obvious as it might be i MIL's home.

Why would you want to be anoymous. You are doing the right thing and scream loud and clear. If you stay meak and mild you'll get over run. Is it worth being even involved with an abuser. I wouldn't give a flying you know what if she found out. I'd be loud and screaming in her face letting her know you are on to her. First and formost is the protection of your loved one period. You have to report her to the Adult Abuse Agency in your state.

We turned iN my SIL for Elderabuse. Elderabuse hotlines are state run, not Federal, and there are variations in procedure from State to State. Do your research before making the call. Rfhenricks is correct that you need to document as much as you can before you send in the troops.
Regarding anonymity: I don't know your family situation however, it is nearly impossible to remain anonymous if you are reporting a family member. The family will find you out unless the fam is so large that you can't keep track of each other.
Please don't let that stop you from doing the right thing. But it helps to be prepared for the consequences of standing of for what is right.
My SIL is no longer part of the family, but we don't need a self serving leech who abused her Mom. It was tough to turn her in though.

Abuse has to be reported immediately. No one should be abused and it can't go on. Have you also thought of cooking meals two or three times a week and bringing them to your sister-in-law so she can eat a meal she doesn't have to prepare? She may be overwhelmed. Bed sores may be part of the diabetic condition--I don't know. I'm not a doctor. If your sister-in-law is doing ALL the care then the rest of the family needs to step up and do MORE than just report her. IF there is abuse, she needs to be reported but IF all people can do is report her but not help, then YOU need a heads up, too!

document
photograph
ask a witness to assist
make the necessary calls
hire a qualified, caring, dependable, responsible agency to assist
prevent further abuses is a worthy use of energy
bravo for asking for help

Heres a link for a national list of omsbudsman agencies.
http://www.ltcombudsman.org/ombudsman
Contact the one in your state. The information you give remains anonymous. They will investigate and maintain follow up at no cost. They are an advocate for senior's particularly in longterm care environments. YOU MUST report this. Elder abuse is the worse. Please report

As a nurse and former Child Protective Services case mgr., all reports remain anonymous so go ahead and report her. Not eating with diabetes is very dangerous as well as bed sores. That tells me the patient is not being turned every two hours while in bed, and their skin integrity is compromised due to lack of nutrition. Do it ASAP!

Notice how quickly all on here but me have decided this caregiver is guilty? What if YOU are the caregiver and what if YOU are being unfairly accused. Is there no one willing to take a calmer look to ascertain what is going on? My MIL hits ME and then she tells everyone I hit HER. I went to a therapist who advised to take photos of my bruises and date those photos and report those to her doctor. I take care of a an abusive, combative dementia MIL who, so far, is living the good life while I am living in hell. NO ONE ELSE helps either. So, before you point the finger, make sure you are headed in the right direction.

PS Certainly call the abuse hotline but be prepared to hear a defense from the caregiver IF she truly has one. I have never been reported but if I am, my MILs doctors have a long history of documented bruises, teeth knocked out, knee injuries on ME that she has inflicted. If not for me, my MIL would not have lived so long. I even got her through MRSA. She will be 98 in October. And she ISN'T getting any better!

Since we don't know which state you live in, you can call your local elder abuse hotline (in Washington state, it's called Adult Protective Services). Here's a good, trustworthy website you can use to search your area: www.eldercare.gov

Ferris1 - Your point about being turned every two hours is important but what does this patient weigh? My MIL is still ambulatory at 110 lbs but if she falls, she is a two-person lift. Fortunately, I have help in that area. Perhaps someone coming in to assist moving the MIL is needed, especially if she is heavier or uncooperative (i.. kicking the caregiver) when she tries to move her.

But FedUpNow, an investigation is just that. The agency will investigate to see if the allegations are in fact true. Remember, no one is guilty until PROVEN guilty. None of us want to see abuse, if in fact it is. I would also like to suggest you get a belt put around your 110 lb. mother-in-law to help with lifting. It is known as a "gait belt" with a releasable buckle we use in nursing homes and hospitals. When patient is uncooperative, wait until they calm down or suggest to their doctor to give her a med to control the outbursts. Good luck!

I read this and am surprised how many comments started talking about nursing homes. Does she live with and cook for her mom in a NH ? My first thought was talk. don't people say anything ? Truth needs a picture ? and a sister in-law, sister in-law.
cheap shot at who's in need, too bad this elder mother doesn't have more choices than these two. " How can I do this without anyone knowing ? whats that REALLY about.

Your local department of aging protective services for Elder abuse. Some unfortunate idiot turned me in one time and of course there was not an issue. But I didn't find out until after they visited my dad and told me everything was good. When I asked who turned me in they never would not tell me at all. I know who did it but was never told that by protective services.

This is so sad. All states have an elder care agency. They will send in a nurse to do an "assessment" and go from there. They will ask for your name and phone number and your relationship to the elderly, but it's just so they can update you. It sounds to me like your sister in law could use some help. Even just a rest. After the assessment, they can reccommend a 5 to 10 day stay in an assisted living center. Often that gives the caregiver a much needed break.

We had hospice, me, and my 2 stepbrothers juggling caregiving for 2 parents with our own jobs and kids. It is soooo hard. Yet what can you do? Our parents deserve the very best possible. And then there's the other set of parents.... Thankfully with sites like this one, there is more help out there for caregivers than ever before! Thank you all for your insight and support.

I don't think anyone is pointing the finger....bedsores say it all. APS will determine if abuse/negligence is occurring (not turning patient) or if the caregiver is adequately trained or receives adequate help...whatever the determination is it is clear that the caregiver is not doing well in their job...with multiple bedsores i wonder if the caregiver has sought treatment ...APS will establish this. People are pointing the finger at the existing bedsores which require attention now.

hoyer lift will also work wonders! I used one its simple as pie.

Thank you for the two suggestions for lifts. My husband has had 12 abdominal surgeries in seven years and I have survived a dead tree falling on my car while I was driving 2 years ago with resulting 4 crushed spinal disks and one fractured so between the two of us, we can just about lift her when she gets out of bed or loses her balance when making a right hand turn. She refused PT when she had two strokes years ago so now when she turns with her walker, she loses her balance. She doesn't make caretaking easy.

I just had to deal with Adult Protective Services over false claims my brother made re abuse. After everything I went through, I truly believe if you don't have the guts to report it and be open about it, your true intentions are questionable.

but... if your mother-in-law wont say that she is a victim, then the social agency wont do a thing. I have this situation with my step father. The police found enough physical and financial facts to send a case to the prosecutors office but the prosecutors office wont do anything because my stepfather wont say he is a victim. Good luck

Bed sores don't lie, they mean abuse just like any other marks,
The MIL or other persons can sometimes not make that call
because crime in their eyes is committed by strange people, not their family members.

Reporting the person or going to court will remove that person from
the act of care giving itself and places the parent in an incompetency, if that person is the only person taking care of that person and preventing them from going to a nursing home, they may feel they have to put up or shut up with it, with our 86 year old;s mind does not comprehend or cannot comprehend what was done to her and still must go on visits...but they can never keep her, again.