Repeatedly asking the same question it's wearing me down. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

Repeatedly asking the same question it's wearing me down. Any advice?

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I'm unable to redirect to a different direction successfully.

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Comment to ? about "getting nasty". I hated that part too. The neurologist said when they are like that, walk off, or "call them on it". No knock down drag out fight. Just stop, look straight at them and firmly say mom/dad... That was "rude", or that is not nice, and i'm not listening to it. I walked out once to the deck and sat there in the drizzle rain. She came out said you are going to get wet, and I said I like it. It stopped the whole thing and it was pleasant again."live, learn & try, and try again". In most cases TRY to remember it is the disease U are mad at, for making them act out like this, not the usual mommie you know, in most cases.
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Also turn on MUSIC they like and dance around silly. It'll change the mood to laughter - cherish the moment-laughter, it will go sooner than you are ready for it. One day they can speak or walk - the next, they can't. There is no warning for many of these. It just depends when that part of the brain quits. Music is the last thing to go from their memory and is very calming. Use it often! This does pass because it is in the first stage 1st year. We're in the last one now. Each one is even more sad. We had to place mom in a lock-down memory care facility for her safety. There is a free book that helped me very much while caretaking at home. "Caring for a Person with Alzheimers Disease", it's an Easy to Use Guide, by National Institute on Aging. www.nia.nih.gov/alzheimers, 1-800-438-4380. I ordered and gave out at least 10 copies. It is easy because each subject is just one page, and was very helpful to me these last few years. www.alz.org, and local alzheimers association, www.alzsc.org, and your local support groups have so many resources and they are all worth it. It's very valuable to learn from others caring for their loved ones during this difficult challenge. Learn ALL you can before each symptom so you can be as ready as possible, being "pro-active", will lessen your stress and improve your coping abilities. I learned... "You plan your day, and be prepared to change it, with 2 back-up plans". The brain is very powerful, and un-predictable. "It is all "extremely" exhausting, all the time. So take time out for yourself, or you will likely breakdown. I know, and recovery is slow. God bless all of us, because caretaking through any major illness is the toughest thing most of us ever have to do. Alzheimers' is a "mean" disease for all affected, including families.
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Thank you for all your helpful answers. I'm going to try to change
the subject FAST to something else he likes to talk about, and see
if that will help. mopsygirl
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There IS a fix to the repeated same questions. Called the neurologist nurse during this stage, what do I do? "simply change the subject fast to something she/he likes to talk about". It works everytime!. Their brain/thought process is "stuck" like an old lp record player. You just have to pick up the needle to stop it. Break that thought by changing the subject, or get them "busy" on something-folding clothes...
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My mother used to do that too and it drove me bonkers. I would leave the room as suggested. As soon as she quit doing it, then my husband started doing it. He for the most part has quit doing it too. Yes, it is very irritating. I don't really have an answer for you. Except to say this too shall pass.
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Thank you so much Jessie Belle. It had not occurred to me that she actually might not have had any curlers! I'm still getting used to some of the fantastical stuff that comes out of her mouth, but this was such a mundane thing I figured it was true. Thanks again.
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Chances are that she hasn't used the curlers in years and threw them away herself. She wouldn't remember doing it, so looks around for someone to blame. There is no reasoning with it. The only thing to do is to ignore. Another possibility would be to take her to the store and let her pick out her own rollers. They will probably end up not being right after she tries them for a while, but at least it will be her that picked them out.
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My mother is currently living in assisted living; she has dementia (not sure it is Alzheimers) but not to the point of needing to be moved into the Memory Care wing. We needed to move her because she was not taking care of herself and was doing stupid stuff like driving at night in the rain (after we had discussed that she was not to do that), and getting into an accident. (Thank heavens no one was hurt.) She was very resentful about the move but seems to have adjusted fairly well. However, she gets something in her mind and starts having all sorts of variations of what occurred and starts asking me the same thing over and over. For example, she wants her hair curlers from her house; but I was never able to find them in spite of looking all over for them; then she says I must have thrown them away; or she thinks we found them and I'm just hiding them from her. On and on. This same conversation with variations has been going on for months. Every time I talk to her she asks where her curlers are, can I go find them? I have even bought her new curlers, but every kind I buy is not the "right" kind. I actually threw away some a few weeks ago because it was definitely "not" the right kind; now she says that's the kind she needs. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to deal with this kind of obsessive behavior? I'm so frustrated!
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Hi Mopsygirl,
I'm right in the midst of this also. Within an hour's visit, I'm asked at least 15 times, "How old am I?", "How far away from me do you live?" "Where is my money?", etc. Sometimes, she asks the same question immediately after I've given her the answer!! By the grace of God, I don't mind answering her questions. I try to make my answers like it's the first time I'm answering it.

What irritates the heck outta' me is when she's nasty. "Oh, what a nice outfit you have on, I see you're having a good time buying new clothes with MY money." Or, "You're so mean to me, I like him better" (my husband). Last Saturday she accused me of beating my son during his childhood. (My mother never spanked me.) He's 27 now and I felt so bad about her accusation, I asked him if he felt like I had "beaten" him. He said, "No, you spanked me when I had it coming."

So, truly, she could ask me the same questions all day long and it wouldn't be as bad as the "nasties". There's no redirecting the continuous questions, they have a one track mind. I'm sorry, I don't have any recommendations. Be happy if he isn't nasty.
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This is a difficult behavior. Keep in mind that it often goes away on its own. Meanwhile, answer the question as briefly as you can, as often as you need to, calmly, as if it is the first time he asked it. Sigh. This is not easy.

Leaving the room, if practical and safe, can give you some relief. Try not to show anger as you do so -- he won't at all know what he has done to make you mad. Maybe you can leave the room to bring back a diversion -- ice cream cones or apple wedges and peanut butter or a basket of towels to fold or some playing cards for a simple game.
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