As my husband's polyneuropathy becomes more debilitating, like all caregivers, I'm shouldering more household responsibilities. So far, most are manageable. But, when it involves actual repair and maintenance, my husband expects me to try to tackle those as well. (I'm 12 years younger-72 to his 84 yrs). This summer, he had me digging up sprinkle lines to diagnose where a leak was...then sawing lines and replacing valves! The latest is diagnosing and repairing a water line into the toilet. If I say no, we need to hire someone (not wealthy, but we could hire), he throws a tantrum. Ultimately (so far) I give in. With his guiding me, I do it. I know these situations will only escalate as daily, he loses a little bit more of his motor skills. On several occasions, neighbors have seen me struggling to do something and have come to my rescue...but we can't (shouldn't?) impose. (Recent brain MRI shows he also has mild small vessel ischemic disease.)
Any tips for how to toughen up and stand firm? (The tantrums drive me nuts!) So far, I'm capable of doing these things with his guidance. I mostly think it is unrealistic to expect me to do them as well as assisting with ADLs, doing all the driving, meals, cleaning, lifting..moving...taking apart his scooter and lifting in and out of vehicle.....Where will it end?
Any advice from someone who's been through this already?
[This assumes, of course, that you don't actually enjoy the occasional DIY, gardening or mechanics project? Personally I quite do, but I know where to draw the line - and making a potential hash of repairing a toilet is *definitely* over the line.)
You matter too. Your health matters. It’s past time for your husband to realize it and SUPPORT YOU. Say or do what it takes for him to realize it, even if it’s reminding him of any pertinent wedding vows. If he tantrums, walk away and call a professional.
You matter, Judy.
It can't be pleasant for you to be instructed step-by-step on how to do a job that is beyond your capabilities, by a husband who has tantrums.
I don't think a husband with tantrums is covered in the bible.
Maybe go back and ask the pastor to send a handi-worker (volunteer) to your home.