How can I repair my broken family after our mother’s death?

Asked by

My mom died 2 mos. ago. None of my 3 siblings and their spouses have spoken to me since. While she was alive I pushed for her to make someone a poa and she refused, part of the reason there was a big fight in the nh near the end. One sister and a half-brother are the executors - but apparently have not filed probate yet - and according to state law probate has to be filed within 40 days. This has gotten much uglier than I anticipated. Has anyone had anything like this happen?

Answers 1 to 10 of 13
POA ends when a person dies, so that is a mute point now. What state are you in?
I don't think you have given enough facts to let anyone help you answer...except I'm sure many many estates turn ugly.

In Indiana you have a year to probater. I was executor for my brother. His older kids were frantic about it. He left hospital bills galore. I turned it over to them. Then found out the reason they paniced is that if you don't start probate until after 9 months the hospital creditors can't claim on your house because they didn't know he had one..died in another city. So they got to keep his house and sell and keep the money. He had insurance and quit his job - lost insurance. So that was their reasoning for not wanting me to start the probate. $$$ MONEY!!
He quit his job because he was sick...didn't know he had cancer.
I'm reading between the lines here, but was big fight in the NH about how to handle the end-of-life decisions for your mother, with no one having the power to make decisions? Can I take it that you were on one side and your sibs had the opposite view?

We can hope that as time passes cooler heads will prevail and everyone will recognize that you were all stressed out, and having different opinions does not mean anyone loved Mom less.

As for the executors, let them do their appointed duties as they see fit. This is something they were assigned to do.

I hope peace will descend upon this situation. I think I'd give it more time before I attempted a reconciliation.
thank you. part of my concern is the executors properly taking care of their appointed duties. here in Wa. state probate, when necessary, has to be filed within 40 days. I checked and probate has not been filed. the two in charge have their own financial difficulties and I have concerns about a misuse of mom's money.
It always makes me so sad to hear when families fall apart becasue of money... this happened after my dad died.... I just took on the attitude that it wasn't my money to begin with, and I know for a fact some of the things my sister, being the execetor,(sp), was not for the common good.... to me, the bigger picture is those that are dishonest about money that isn't thiers will have consequences to pay, it's out of my hands, and if my sister needed it bad enough to "steal" it, then let her have it..... and besides my old man would be dancing a jig if he thought we were fussing about his money... nope, wouldn't give him that satisfaction, even in death...
All I can say is I kept MY integrity and in the end that is all that mattered to me... I pray you get some things straightened out and keep yourself safe from the hurtful things that can be said and done at a time like this.... hugs to you..
Sometimes it's better for us to just let things go and let others learn from their mistakes. My heart goes out to you. Sorry for your loss.
How can they spend your moms money after death. If the will is unsupervised. you as a party to it can ask that it be supervised. I thought they were accountable to the court. My friend is going through this and she has to account for everything. Do you think your mom made a change to the will and your sobs r hiding it from you? Just another guess. But they have to follow the law. If I were you I'd get a lawyer app and follow his addvice. Maybe a simple letter from him may get the ball rolling
I Seen the similar situation happen when my grandpa passed away. His three adult children were the heirs to his estate. It really is about the money. My mom was mad because her older brother went selling off expensive farm equipment without contacting the sisters. Well he didn't know the values of these things considering he was a funeral director for twenty years. So he was like giving it away. It makes so much sense to have POA in place, and wills, then everyone knows before hand what is rightfully theirs, and hopefully the family can remain in tact. A death in the family is a time when your suppose to support eachother,and its sad to see so many families fall apart when the "glue" of the family is gone. All I know is I miss my granpa terribly, and theirs no amount of money in the world to be placed on memories of time spent together, and things he taught me. People need to learn that money isn't everything,and respect,love, and family will always be so much more valuable.kellyb. I hope everything works out for you cath,but It makes me sad that your siblings had argument at NH near the end. my advice is to contact a elder lawyer and ask what the law states, and what you should do if your siblings do not file in timely manner. You may have to take it to court.Best wishes!xo
My sister June died in May after I gave her a stem cell transplant. Following her death, my brother Ed, sister Karen and I met to read my sister's, will at her house. My sister and I were waiting for my brother to get there, then my sister came out of her bedroom and said; "All I want is the bedroom set and the TV" I told her Nicely, it wasn't the time to discuss her stuff. That was the beginning of the end. My sister left a large Estate of 4 homes and money. My brother and sister aligned against me. We are all executors, however whenever I did not agree, my brother would scream at me, and my sister went along with him. I eventually had to tell both of them I will not be abused anymore and to only email me with business of the Estate. This has been a nightmare for me. I felt like I was going to have a break down a couple of times. I had to take the emails to my lawyer who told me these emails were from sick people. I always knew my brother and sister had anger issues from childhood, being raised in a Alcoholic household, but it came out horrible. They did not include me in the burial of my sister's ashes. I was devastated. My sister who died was very close to me and I to her. We were together constantly. She was my best friend. I have been in recovery and just celebrated 28 years. They have no recovery. The sad thing is I've lost my whole family
Top Answer
Cotacheryl the thing I've learned is that friends become our "chosen" family. We can't pick our family members. I only have one brother who's married (no kids). I have done all of the caregiving for my mom and dad. When my mom goes (I've been caring for her for 13 years), I'm not sure how much (if any) contact I'll have with my brother and his wife. My brother isn't a bad guy, but I find his self-involvement and lack of concern about our mom (and dad) to be very troubling to me.

But over the years, I've cultivated friends and will continue to have a circle of people around me who care about me and share my values. So even though it's sad when our families aren't like the Leave It To Beaver family or Father Knows Best, we can create another "family" of chosen friends and co-workers that can be even closer than family, because we can choose them for who they are. Hugs to you...I'm sure it's a hard and sad reality to accept.

Share your answer

Please enter your Answer

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support