How do I go about removing my daughter as power of attorney over my financial affairs? - AgingCare.com

How do I go about removing my daughter as power of attorney over my financial affairs?

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This is a re-enactment of the final two years of my relationship with my, now deceased 98 year old Mother. Her dementia, and her paranoia, became overwhelming, believing that all I wanted was her assets. I was her physician for over 20 years and financial gain was never in my mind. It was certainly in hers, and unbeknownst to me, she wrote me completely out of her life in the last 2 years of hers. Upon her death, I found out where I stood, nowhere, and now the county is going to court to take everything. She has given me a gift, closure and a finality that has empowered me. It was her loss and her decision, and perhaps, my new found knowledge that she was incapable of loving her only child. Perhaps, this woman who wishes to disown her daughter is the same way... It is a two-way street - I give children more credit than the elderly parents who wish to disinherit their children so easily... Best of luck to the daughter, your 'Mother' may be doing you a favor... Don't look back and move forward with your life...
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In my family, we were told when young not to expect an inhertance. I've told my children the same thing.

It's also what Warren Buffet does, I'm told.
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BarbBrooklyn, I agree with you. I see in the situation you tell that the mother finally did drive the son away. Elders who fear losing control will do whatever it takes to keep away those who will try to take care of them. I have been abused plenty as I attempted to take care of my mother. Some elders go through a paranoia spell in their long, gritty descent into Alz. During that phase, we got accused of all kinds of things, none of which were true. Families vary in their expectations/traditions regarding inheritance. My parents openly held inheritance as bait to interact with them. Perhaps other parents do not do this?
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You can make Anyone you want, as you POA, but do be sure to pick one, who will Always have your best interest at heart. Do you have another child or Grandchild, who would be a good fit, Another family member perhaps?

Making sure that you have all the transfers of power done legally and correctly with your attorney, is definitely the way to go, and make sure that the original POA is notified by certified letter.

Depending on your age, it's probably a good idea to have your new POA work with you on your budget, and end of life plans, and perhaps on your checking account, so that person can write checks for you, in the event that you cannot, but do make sure you do trust this person, even in the event that you do end up with Dementia, God forbid!
Good luck and remember, it's your right to choose!
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Sophe; you have an interesting take on things. A couple of years ago, my husband, a caring son of his mom who was in the early stages of dementia, was regularly threatened by his mom that she was going to the lawyer to write him out of her will. He assumed that she had done that, because she was a foolish and impulsive person. However, he continued to try to care for her, take her to doctor appointments, set her up and paid for a car service to take her places she wanted to go so she wouldn't have to take public transport.

What drove him away was her telling him that she was going to report him to APS for elder abuse. This was due to his telling her that she should stop smoking because it was worsening her COPD. That was his abusive act.

He walked away that day, sadly but resolutely, because, he said, he could ill afford the legal fees to defend himself if such an accusation were made. I'm sure no finding would have been made if she HAD called it in to APS, but at that point, he didn't want to take any chances.

I was brought up in the belief that my parents' money was THEIR money and to be used up to the last penny; there was no expectation of an inheritance. I think smart parents do that; I've certainly continued that tradition with my kids. So, cutting out of the will, maybe not so great a threat.

But tell them that you're going to turn them in for non-existence abuse? That might really work.

The thing is, if the elder is really in need to assistance and supervision, then strangers get to make those decisions, not your flawed and human relatives.

For some folks, that's a hard choice. If you have children who are avaricious, or are grifters or thieves, then you might want a benign stranger. It's something to think about.
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From the sounds of things, Rhonda believes she is being controlled by her bossy daughter. [Or.... a bossy daughter is checking to see what Mom Rhonda would need to do to get her (the daughter) thrown off as POA.]

As Barb says: Power of Attorney is a legal term that is enacted only after physicianS agree that Mom Rhonda is incompetent. Physicians are *notoriously* reluctant to make such a blanket judgement.

If it is Rhonda who is writing, her daughter may have told her she HAS a power of attorney over her, but those spoken words mean absolutely nothing. Who's name is on the checking/credit accounts? If it's Rhonda's name, go buy yourself a trip around the world on the Queen Elizabeth. She can't stop you. Nag you yes, stop you no.

[If this is Rhonda's daughter inquiring, you don't have any say other than the power of persuasion. Unless you can convince two or more physicians to say she's incompetent in all life skills. And then you have bought yourself a bucket of trouble that will last decades.]

Likely this is the start of a long unhappy battle either way.

If Mom Rhonda is really struggling with her daughter controlling her, go to the attorney that wrote your will and write a modification to the will cutting your daughter out of any inheritance. Show her you did that. I'm betting you won't have a problem with her giving a rat's rear end about you after that.

I know this is both harsh and suspicious, but it's also reality for me and people I know.
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If you appoint a new POA, be sure to revoke the old POA. If you appoint a new one without revoking the old, you could wind up with two POAs. Does anyone know how to go about revoking a POA? I've never done this. I imagine that there is some paperwork involved.
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Rhonda, competency is something that requires at least two doctors to certify. If there is a competency hearing, a lawyer gets appointed to represent you, or you can hire your own.

Is your daughter going over your credit card statements with you? I think this is a good thing to do because sometimes there are unverified charges.

Some folks spend more than they can afford on things they don't really need, or they end up buying things for others. Is your daughter trying to make sure you don't outlive your available funds?
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I believe she is trying to get a doctor to say I am incompetent. She questions me on every little purchase I make.
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Rhonda, you can do that by appointing a new POA.

I'm curious, do you think that your daughter is not trustworthy? Or is she suggesting something that you are not comfortable with?

Or is there someone else you have in mind? Please be cautious in embracing a "new friend" so enthusiastically so as to give them access to your financial information. There are a lot of very clever con men and women out there who have fooled and stolen from very intelligent and sophisticated people.
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