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Earlier this year my 84yo father was overdosed and almost died from lithium toxicity. When it came time for him to return home, I was advised by the case worker he would need an attendant/caregiver 24/7. I was lead to believe if this care were not provided, dad could be placed in a home involuntarily. Finances are tight, so we made an arrangement with a friend of a friend. B would reside in the home, make sure Dad took his meds, & ate regularly. B would also drive dad to appts and grocery shopping. All he wanted was room and board, $100 per week, and the freedom to work "odd jobs" if the opportunity came up and didn't interfere with Dad's care.
The first few weeks were heaven sent. Then B began to take over as if he owned the home. He was spoken too and agreed he was out of line. We had a few good days then the assertive behavior started back. Dad was doing his own driving, cooking for B, doing B's laundry and running a phone message service. After 3 months, Dad gave B 2 weeks notice and asked him to leave. That was 5 weeks ago. B is still there. He is verbally abusive and has now brought his girlfriend in. The house is now up for sale and B is sabotaging the process any way he can. Dad's health is deteriorating rapidly. Last night was particularly bad and dad called the police. B and girlfriend were left at the house while dad was escorted away by the police. The police say B is a "tenant" so mwe have to go thru the eviction process to get rid of him. I am astounded that the law is skewed in D's favor. I filed a complaint of elder abuse with APS today- that will take 10 days to investigate. I have dozens of notes this man has written calling dad a pr*ck, mother eff sob etc. I have witnesses to verbal name calling. He was also given a 3 day notice that his services were no longer required and that he needed to vacate. If he doesn't go along, we are facing an uphill court battle to get this scum out of my father's house.
Anyone else ever gone thru something like this? Any legal beagles with advice. I am making myself sick over this.

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You are doing everything you can. I feel there should be separate laws for people who are hired with room & board as part of their pay. They are really not a tenant. They are a contracted service provider. When the job is terminated, they should be required to move within two weeks. Not having laws in place makes it so where if you hire a live-in caregiver, it could be hard to ever get rid of them. I would check with a lawyer to see if there are special laws in place for live-in service providers. If there isn't, there should be.

I hope you can get him out of your dad's house soon. And I would avoid any other friends of this friend! I wish someone else would make him a job offer that made it attractive for him to move fast. That would be great. You know anyone that needs an employee?
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Thanks JessieBelle.
Dad moved to a motel today- after emptying refrigerator and cupboards of all food goods. We are looking into an attorney. I'm afraid this could get costly, but Dad's health and mental well being have to come first.
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Quite a dilemma - here are my comments:
I think the police are wrong about considering B a tenant, and the responding officers were way off-base. B is not paying to live there. He was EMPLOYED as a "live-in caregiver". Once you have fired him, he must move out and should not require eviction proceedings. In my opinion, he is now a "squatter", illegally ocupying your fathers premises. The cops should just put him out - period. He is also abusing your father, abusing your home, and his position as well - of which you have plenty of proof. I would go back to them and insist they revisit the situation. I would insist on speaking to a detective, and file a formal complaint. They will be obligated to investigate and may find "dirt" on him you were not even aware of. He might have a record as a scam artist that preys on the elderly. Let them know you have also filed a complaint with APS - they will probably collaborate with eachother.
Your father being forced out of his own home in desperation and having to pay for a hotel room, while the abuser and his girlfriend remain in a house they do not own, is utterly ridiculous and totally unacceptable. I would not put up with it for another minute. I think you need to start yelling a little louder, and also get an attorney ASAP. It would be money well spent to restore your fathers rights.
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I definitely would seek legal advise. You file a restraining order against them but he may be able to do the same thing against you. My thoughts are if there is no lease or rental agreement he does not have rental rights. However, do you have a contract or work agreement outlining the duties? If you do, then you should be able to fire him and force him to leave. Good luck and seek legal advice ASAP!!
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Thank you Orangeblossom. I have been back to the police station and spoke with a sargeant. I explained again that B was an employee whose services were no longer needed. They agree he is a squatter but still insist he has tenancy rights. Which makes no sense. This is a senior mobile home park and I have the park attorney looking into their legal rights to have him removed as an undesirable.
It's been suggested we notify the utility companies we are going on vacation and have services suspended.
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Thank you Sharynmarie. Dad's copy of the work agreement has "disappeared". Dad got a note from B before he left today that B was sorry he got involved with such dishonorable people!
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Before you stop services for electric, water,etc...make sure you have rights to do that. I live in CA and laws are stricter. You may very well have to serve an eviction notice but you will still probably need an attorney who specializes in renters rights. I know it is an expensive process to go through but please don't let this low life win. Keep posting because so many will benefit from your experience!!
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Police don't generally deal much with tenancy laws, so I wouldn't rely on them for advice. You need to look up the actual laws themselves. Employment law may be more relevant to your case, i.e. once the employment contract has been terminated, compensation in all forms is also terminated.
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Just spotted that this is a mobile home park. This could be your best way out!

Mobile home parks generally have a condition on the lease that the lessee can't sub-let to someone else. B could be considered an "illegal sub-tenant" and the park could just kick him out. Especially now that the girlfriend has moved in. Also, such parks generally have the right boot out anyone who is causing trouble for other tenants - including your dad.
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The park management is working on having his occupancy revoked. As a caregiver, he was given a right of occupancy status from the park. Even after they revoke it,, it can take up to 18 months tom get him out.
Just off the phone with our realtor who attempted to show the house today. B went ballistic and verbally assaulted the 2 realtors and the clients. Told them he was the caretaker in charge and they had to give him notice before they could come around, Our realtor went to the police to report the man is insane and a danger. He got nowhere.
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What a nightmare. I have no solutions other than those you're pursuing, but as a live-in caregiver who actually *cares* this kind of behavior makes me so mad I could spit nails. Shame, shame, shame on the guy and his gf. I hope you can find recourse and nail his boney butt.
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B has removed a lot of his stuff from his room. Only clothes and a tv set remain. The storage shed that he turned into a workshop (without permission) is still filled with tools. Tomorrow is the deadline for the 3 day notice. I have to work, but have some men from church coming to stay with Dad. Girlfriend drove by today, but made no attempt to enter the house. There is light at the end of the tunnel!
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Good news....I hope this low life has gotten the message!! Keep on the path you are on and let us know the outcome!!
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I'm sorry this has happened to your dad ..BUT.. let this be a lesson to all, ..you get what you pay for. If you want your parents to be given top of the line care then you pay a top of the line salary, OR care for them yourself like I am doing. Sad .. but true.
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You may have a problem if there is no written and signed caregiver document. You say it disappeared, do you have checks written to B that have caregiving in the margin? that could be your proof of employment or exchange of funds for services. Police may do little in this case if there is no proof. The Park lessee agreement will be the best legal way to get this resolved and have him evicted from the premises. Of course, there may be others living in the park where they aren't on a lease and then there is precident that landlord has allowed this elsewhere. Does dad own the mobile home?
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I sure did. After 3 years, pulled all kinds of strings to secure senior citizen housing for Mom. A control freak with a PhD in child abuse, I was always too exhausted to even argue. She controlled my comings and goings, my finances, turned my kids against me. If a date was coming to pick me up, even after I paid her for watching the boys, she'd answer the door and tell the poor girl I had already left with another woman; or just said that I went out already and she didn't know where. All the while I'd be either in the bathroom or the bedroom getting ready. Even with the "Don't Disturb" sign on my bedroom door, she'd continue to knock until my date got tired of the BS and left. To make a long story short, I didn't have a social -- nor sexual -- life; and my kids had to be reprogrammed after I dropped her off at the senior citizens home in East Harlem (Manhattan). She told my 13 sisters that I kicked her a-- to the curb in the middle of the night, and that it was the cops who took her from a snowy park bench in Crotona Park to the senior home. They "saved" her life. ... That lying weasel! At 77 she's still the Ernest Hemingway of BS.
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Sorry guys, my bad! Misread the question. After 2 days without sleeping (I'm an insomniac) because I'm designing a residential treatment facility for people with AIDS, I thought Auntie wrote "caregivee." And maybe having had yet another telephone argument with my youngest sister earlier about my mother's "needs" compelled me to dump so profusely. A professor of mine used to say "If you think you know the answer, then you didn't understand the question." Well, I totally went West with this one. Although I beg your forgiveness, you know what? It felt good.
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Thank you all for your responses and input. @ sunflo2 yes he owns the home. I am also on title. B was paid in cash but dad would write a ck for cash and note in the corner who and what it was for. We have notes B wrote and signed where he stated "I am here as caregiver". He introduced himself to the police as "the caregiver". His note writing will probably be the end of him once APS gets a look at the foul things he wrote. Claiming to be a caregiver in the same note he says "f u".
Our church friends are there in shifts and so far today B has kept his distance. Only 3 hours to the 3 day notice deadline. YAY!
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It doesn't matter if B claimed he was the caregiver. It's utterly meaningless under the law. Why would APS get involved if you are kicking him out via the mobile home lease?
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APS was called before the mobile home park agreed to work with us on removing B. It was done on the recommendation of the doctors who evaluated Dad's mental state the night the police took him
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away, They thought APS could get B out faster for elder abuse, but their investigation is still ongoing.
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Reading this, I broiled. I know me. And if it was my mom in this situation, if someone was doing that to her, all freaking hell would have broken loose by now. I would have gone in there myself, and thrown every bit of that losers shit in the drive way.

Eviction? That's a good one. My mom has rentals. She had one nasty woman in one of the houses. Mom tried to get rid of the woman, who hadn't paid rent in 8 months. Mom told me to stay out of it. So be it. Mom went over one day, to again remove this woman. Woman had a big attitude according to mom, got in her face so close mom thought she was going to hit her. I jumped in my car and broke the sound barrier getting over there. The woman had turned a nice house into something out of 'hoarders'. She had live chickens IN the house. I banged on the glass security door. Woman wouldn't come out. I picked up a lead pipe laying off the porch and proceeded to break the glass door. Then I kicked the door in. I snatched her out of the house by her shirt, was in HER face. She looked like a scared rabbit. I proceeded to inform her that she was no longer dealing with my mom, she was dealing with ME, and if she wasn't off my mothers property by morning, that glass on the porch would be her brains. She was gone the next day. Problem solved.

Sometimes, the law be damned. Find a couple of big, strong men and have him bodily thrown out of there. Oh, he's going to SUE you? That's rich. With what? Had the cops come after me for what I did, I would have sued the damn city. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is ever going to walk all over my family, and piss on the damn law. Sometimes you just have to take the law into your own hands. This man is a DANGER, and when it comes to that, I'm my own damn law, and the consequences be damned. Better me be in trouble than suffer fools like that another minute.

Sorry, I can be very aggressive if need be. That woman isn't the only one I've gotten off my mom's properties MY way. And I've never been sued, and never been in trouble. Had anyone EVER done this to my family, I would have physically kicked their ass. Or found someone to do it for me.
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I once had my ex boyfriend Gene help me out. Gene is 6'6", has long red hair down to the middle of his back, and a forked beard. He doesn't take any crap from anybody. Men move out of the way when they see him coming. lol I had to get his help once with a person like the scum your dealing with in another house. He went to the house and had a little 'discussion' with the guy about his not moving when asked. Gene informed him it would be a dark, black day for him if he had to come back. Two days later, the dude was gone. Yes indeed. Um...law, you say? I've never had much luck or respect for a law that seems to favor these losers. I do things my way, with wonderful results. Maybe more people should start getting 'creative'.
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Do I believe in violence? Not at all...unless you're scum and you're shitting on me and mine. . Then I don't give a tinkers damn how I get rid of you, even at the threat of violence...the end, to me, certainly does justify the means.
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(((((auntie))))) it is unconscionable that this man should be able to stay in your dad's place and your dad be escorted out. What laws permit the police to do that? I would have had his background checked once he showed his true colours. Society has got it all wrong. The victim is blamed and the perp. is coddled and his/her rights protected. Happened when my youngest son was killed. Though witnesses saw he never raised a finger, and the perp. hit and head butted him, the perp. got off with self defense. There is law, but no justice. However, it looks like the right things are happening other than your dad should be compensated for having to stay in a motel.

standingalone - there are times you have to stand on your own hind legs... I have resorted to a few independent "moves" myself though not to the degree you have. My children's father refused to return them to me one summer though I had custody. The police refused to do anything saying I had to go to court to get them back. I already had been to court for the divorce and had custody papers. So one evening when I knew he was at a ball game, I went to my exes place and told the kids they were coming with me. There was a scene, she (new wife) took the kids into a bedroom, I pushed open the door like it was paper though I was 7 months pregnant from my second hubby, and I took them with me. It went to court. They tried to say I hurt his wife - I never touched her. He was chastised and told never to do anything like that again, and the kids stayed with me. New hubby didn't get involved because they were already saying nasties about him and the kids. Had I waited for the "proper" process, who knows how long it would have taken. They would likely not have been returned to me for months if not longer, and would have been put in a different school, no friends etc. I wasn't going to allow that and would have taken then from the school grounds if necessary. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I had a roomer who didn't want to leave and owed me $100s due to phone bills. One day when she went out, I took her laptop as security. She threatened to call the cops and I said "Go ahead - call them". She backed right down and got cooperative. She had reason to not want the cops involved. People who behave like that often do.
special hugs and prayers or your dad , auntie and for you. Looks like the nightmare is coming to an end. Keep us updated.
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Emjo, that's what I'm talking about! Sometimes, like you said, you've just got to do what you've got to do. You rock like a boss. **squish!** You did exactly right as far as I'm concerned, with the ex and the roomie. Sweeeeet! I would have done the same thing myself. Sometimes women have to have bigger balls than men do. lol :D
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StandAlone - I can relate to what you are saying. If I thought my daughter was in danger from a husband or boyfriend, I would kill him and go to jail gladly.

Women can get away with "doing" violence more than men can, due to gender stereotypes. We aren't seen as dangerous. I have to say, though, that you really could end up in trouble if the person you "explained things" to wanted to stir things up.

I love the fantasy, though!
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B is physically gone from the premises. He still has a few personal items in the house and a shed full of tools and equipment. The door locks have all been changed and window locks installed. B left a note Monday night that he "wracked his back" moving so wasn't sure when he'd be back for the rest. In 30 days I'm having a garage sale.
APS finally showed up and interviewed dad yesterday. They haven't spoken with me and they probably won't be able to find B. A moot point now that B's out though I would have liked to see him squirm.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts, ideas and support.
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Jinx, I've never been afraid of these types stirring up anything. One, they didn't even have contracts to be on the property anymore. They were living there with a run out contract, and no rights. Oh, they want to try and get me in trouble? I'm shaking in my boots. Let em'. Who is going to take a drug addicted whore's word, over mine? I had so much against this woman, including $2400 owed in back rent, that she didn't have a leg to stand on, and I knew it. I had been keeping tabs on this bitch for years. I didn't openly get involved per my mom's command, but I knew what was up, and I seethed every day she told me it was none of my business, and to stay out of it.

My stable manager, Ron, informed me one day that there were men in and out of that house, all day and night. He suspected that she was whoring in my mom's house. Greeeeaaaat! Beautiful. All I could do, month after month, was...simmer at this nasty whore was taking advantage of my family and there wasn't a damn thing I could do, because mom told me SHE would handle it. I saw how she 'handled' shit for years. OMG. Being a narcissist, to take advantage of my mom was easy as pie. My mom was a narcissist for one. Tell her what she wanted to hear, drown her in admiration and flattery, ooze sugary sweetness, tell her how wonderful, kind, lovely, beautiful she is, what a freaking SAINT, what an utterly selfless, warm and SWEET lady, and she'd sign you a check. And all I could do was watch.

The 'Deondra'(how ever you spell that sorry bitches name)managed to con, yeah, con, sweet talk, whatever, about 30? 40? 50?, grand. I don't really remember the exact amount, but it was staggering. I almost went into cardiac arrest when I found that out. Just thinking about it now, I can feel my blood pressure going up a little. I was floored, stunned, flabbergasted, shocked, incredulous, and pissed off as a mother.

My mom had a house to rent. Deondra comes over. I take one look, I hear her voice one time. I detest her on sight. She played my mom like a fine tuned instrument. Damn, she was good, too. She had my mom eating out of her hand in about 2 seconds flat.

Inside I was a pit pull on a really short chain, that was snarling and raging and choking and slavering and growling, and all I wanted was to tear that bitches throat out. She knew I hated her. I made no bones about it. She tried to be friendly to me, too....it didn't work. She understood, that I understood, that she was fucking my mom over. I dissed her to her face. (The way mom described her:) Oh, she was so sweet. Such a nice girl. So friendly. So kind of her to bring my mom those chocolates...and I just broiled. I told her flat out to leave a couple times. I was NOT NICE to her. And all I could do was...nothing....and she freaking knew it. She knew my mom's kind. She's a predator. She knows what to look for. And I couldn't do anything at all to stop it. It was one loser coming into our lives after another, at least that's how it seemed. She let people in the house that I scared me. And all I could do was...watch. Watch that happen. Over and over and over and over again. Deondra was the only one that managed to con her out of money, thank God. Or was she? I have no way of knowing, really.

She got conned, over and over again. She had some pimp wanna be over at her stable, boarding 4 horses, not paying rent. 5 years that freaking loser took advantage, and my mom let him do it. One day, he and I went at it. I didn't give a shit at that point. He was standing there, oozing over my mom, and I couldn't take that freaking shit one more minute. I called him a fucking loser to his face. I told him how freaking FUNNY I thought it was that this big, good looking guy, driving a sweet, brand new SUV AND TRUCK, had a wallet FULL of hundreds(he couldn't resist bragging about himself and he pulled out his wallet and showed me one day), fed and took care of 4 horses, bragged about the ladies, wore a fat gold chain that would have choked Mr. T, COULDN'T PAY HIS FUCKING RENT!? I told him his kind of shit worked with my mother, but not me, and I'd personally like to see him get his shit and GET OFF OUR LAND. I was so angry by that point I was shaking. My mom was sitting there with her mouth open, like I had grown horns and hooves. The dude looked like he had been bitch slapped. He stared at me like I was a freaking lunatic. He said, "Nobody talks to me that way..." And I told him flat out that I guess he didn't hear me then, and would he like a repeat. I would gladly have leaped into his face like a rabid animal. I might have gotten my ass beat if it came to that, but Lawd, the dragon was wide open. I wanted to hurt that bastard, and I would have gotten mine in, too, bet on that. He would have left my house bleeding. He just turned around and left. He still stayed awhile, but he never came over again, and he was gone a few months later, thank God. My mom never, ever forgave me for that. She thought I was a crazy, lousy shit to treat such a NICE guy that way.... I wanted to bang my head on the wall.

I've seen the real devils of this world, the predators, and they come in all shapes and sizes. I've come to loath them. I have no mercy for them. I will, and certainly am, capable of defending myself physically if I have to, to get you the hell away from me and mine. And I told this shit head that he best kill me, and that I'd tell the judge that it was all self defense. The world is full of these types. Christ, they're around every corner, everywhere. And that's not paranoia, that's reality. If I have something like that in my world, taking from my family, playing someone in my house, taking from ALL of us, taking ADVANTAGE, sooner or later, I will snap like a rotten twig.

I have threatened people with bodily harm. And? I'd threaten to blow their heads off if they gave me reason to. A couple of these idiots had records for theft and god knows what else... Do you think for one single second, in those moments, when I feel I'm defending me and mine against what I consider a high threat, that I'm going to worry about 911, the cops, or the law? No.

If I have evil in my world, if I have predators in my world, if I'm confronted with some of the real nasties, in my HOUSE, my LIFE....well, lets just say that I'm all for the right to own guns. I gladly would have killed some of these bastards and bitches. I've seen it and heard it all, every line of bullshit there is. I loath these types with a never ending, boiling passion. You've got good guys, you have bad guys. The bad guys don't get a lot of patience, compassion, kindness, mercy, or sympathy from me.

I can be really, really ugly. I don't want to be, but sometimes, to oust an undesirable from your world, it will get ugly. I hated being in that position and having to go there, and finding myself in those situations, with those people...but with my mom, there was no end to these types...

Just...ugh.... awful freaking memories... I don't trust most people. I've seen too many of the bad guys over the years.... that's about all the humanity I ever saw all those years in this cage.

Worry about being 'in trouble'...lol There's worse things in life than being in trouble with the law.
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Oh, and I did mention that I'm all for the right to own whatever guns I please, right? Yeah, baby. I have my reasons.
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