Removing an emotionally abusive caregiver. Any one else face this?

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Earlier this year my 84yo father was overdosed and almost died from lithium toxicity. When it came time for him to return home, I was advised by the case worker he would need an attendant/caregiver 24/7. I was lead to believe if this care were not provided, dad could be placed in a home involuntarily. Finances are tight, so we made an arrangement with a friend of a friend. B would reside in the home, make sure Dad took his meds, & ate regularly. B would also drive dad to appts and grocery shopping. All he wanted was room and board, $100 per week, and the freedom to work "odd jobs" if the opportunity came up and didn't interfere with Dad's care.
The first few weeks were heaven sent. Then B began to take over as if he owned the home. He was spoken too and agreed he was out of line. We had a few good days then the assertive behavior started back. Dad was doing his own driving, cooking for B, doing B's laundry and running a phone message service. After 3 months, Dad gave B 2 weeks notice and asked him to leave. That was 5 weeks ago. B is still there. He is verbally abusive and has now brought his girlfriend in. The house is now up for sale and B is sabotaging the process any way he can. Dad's health is deteriorating rapidly. Last night was particularly bad and dad called the police. B and girlfriend were left at the house while dad was escorted away by the police. The police say B is a "tenant" so mwe have to go thru the eviction process to get rid of him. I am astounded that the law is skewed in D's favor. I filed a complaint of elder abuse with APS today- that will take 10 days to investigate. I have dozens of notes this man has written calling dad a pr*ck, mother eff sob etc. I have witnesses to verbal name calling. He was also given a 3 day notice that his services were no longer required and that he needed to vacate. If he doesn't go along, we are facing an uphill court battle to get this scum out of my father's house.
Anyone else ever gone thru something like this? Any legal beagles with advice. I am making myself sick over this.

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I HAVE A VERY COMPLICATED SITUATION - MY DAD IS THE VICTIM OF ELDER ABUS- AT FIRST MY SELF AND MY UNCLE THOUGHT THIS WAS A CONFLICT WE COULD RESPLVE WITH THE PERP CARE GIVER. WHERE NOT PROFESSIONAL INVESTIGATORS AND DID NOT HAVE A CLEAR UNDERSTANDING OF ELDER ABUSE. AFTER SEEING AND HEARING SIMEILAR STORYS FROM THE 2 OTHER CARE GIVERS THAT FILL IN ON HER DAYS OFF.THE 2 CARE GIVERS ARE TERRIFIED OF THIS WOMAN... MY DAD HAS MADE SUDDLE REMARKS... IT TOOK US 3 WEEKS TO SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON AND NOW REALIZE IT FALLS UNDER ELDER ABUSE. WE ALSO FOUND OUT THAT CARE GIVERS ARE MANDATED BY LAW TO REPORT ELDER ABUSE IMMEDIATELY! HOW CAN YOU REPORT SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT AWARE OF AND DONT SEE SINES OF ELDER ABUSE. WE INTERPRETED THIS AS MISCONDUCT AND UNPROFESSIONALISM TRICKS AND GAMES.


SHE TAKES HIM TO FAMILY SERVICES WEEKLEY FOR SUPPORT GROUPS.
AND HAS SOCIAL WORKERS COME TO THE HOUSE ON OCCATION TO HAVE HIM SINE FORMS. HE MENTIONED THAT HE WANTS TO COMPENSATE HER BY GIVING HER HALF THE PROPORTY! THE BANK CALLED REGARSEDING SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY. I CALLED FAMILY SERVICES AND YELLED THEM FOR SAENDING SOCIAL WORKERS TO THE HOUSE! I SAID AONRENT YOUR CASE MANAGERS TRAINED TO IDENTIFY ELDER ABUSE. THE PERP CARE GIVER IS A MASTER MIND. SHE DISCONNECTS PHONES - I USED A VERY GOOD TECHNIQUE TO GET THE TRUTH FROM MY DAD. I SPOKE SOFTLY WHILE PLAYING CARDS STARTED WITH A CURRENT EVENT GOT TO HIS BACK PAIN THEN QUESTIONS GOT DEEPER. I SAID THAT SHE IS A GREAT CARE GIVER DAD.II HOW DOES SHE HAVE THE ABILITY TO DO THIS JOB... .I CANT IMAGINE HER BEING PERFECT.... HIS RESPONSE WAS SHES NOT. I SAID OH AND WHY DO YOU SY THAT, HIS RELPY WAS WELL YOU KNOW SHES NOT ALWAYS GOOD WITH ME,,, AND I LEFT IT AT THAT...

SHE HAS SUCH A INFLUENCE ON HIM ITS BEYOND BELIFE... NOW WE ARE A CARING FAMILY AND WE NEEDED TO FIGRUE THIS OUT AS WE DID....AFTER 2 WEEKS...PROBLEM ONE CARE GIVES ARE MANDATED REPORTERS AND MUST REPORT.ANY SINE OF ELDER ABUSE IMMEDIATELY. OTHER WISE THEY FACE PRISON TIME AND A HEATY FINE, WHAT IF A CUP OF HOTWATER IS SPILED ON HIM? IS THAT ELDER ABUSE?? I MEAN THERE TERRIFIED OF RETALIATION AND BECAME BRAINWASHED THAT THINGS ARE NORMAL ORDINARY ACCIDENTS.

I AM NOT EVEN SURE IF IM MANDATED TO REPORT THIS ... IM AFRAID I BROKE THE LAW... I DID NOTHING BUT APPROACH THIS WITH MY UNCLE IN A KIND MANNER. WE TRIED To CONVINCE MY DAD TO FIRE HER. MY UNCLE FINALLY SAID HOW CAN YOU T YOUR SON HIS WAY... WE ASKED HIM IS THIS WOMAN HURTING OR STEELING MONEY?? HE REMAINED SILENT FOR 5 MINUTES AS WE KEPT ASKING... HE FINALLY YELLED AND TOLD US TO LEVE. NOW I HAVE SPOKEN AND RESEARCHED HOW APS POLICE HANDLE THESE SITUATIONS. IT IS NOT GOOD...


FIRST OFF THER the ONLY GOAL IS TO SCORE A BUST AND PUT OUR ARSSENIORS IN HOMES. I HAD SEVERAL RUN INS WTH THEM 8 YEARS AGO. AND THEY ARE MEAN. ONE AGENT PUSHED MY DAD AND MY DAD SPOKE TO HIS MANAGER, THEY SIMPLY PLANT IDEAS IN THERE HEADS AND BASICALLY FORCE A CONFESSION OUT OF THE ABUSED ELDER, THERE BLACK AND WHITE... THEY MANIPULATE PEOPLE AND DID NOT EVEN WANT TO HERE MY SIDE OF THE STORY. ITS PRETTY OBVIOUS THAT LAW ENFORCEMENT SHOULD NOT GET INVOLVED UNLESS NEEDED... OR SOCIAL SERVICES.... THEY DESTROY LIVES REMOVE ELDERS FROM THERE HOMES... THEY ARE PIECES OF SH*T! IF THE VICTIM IS IN DANGER THE CONTACT LAW ENFORCEMENT. NOW I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO PROTECT MY TERRIFIED CARE GIVERS FROM SOCIAL SERVICES AND THE POLICE..... THEY ARE THE REAL CRIMINALS WORSE THAN THE ABUSERS.... ATTORNEYS ADVISE MEDIATORS AND SERVICES ALONG WITH AGENCIES RESOURCES THAT Won't HARM THE VICTIM OR FAMILY. I TERRIFIED IF I CONTACT THE DA LAW ENFORCEMENT.... ATTYS CHARGE.


IM STUCK IM SCARED.... I JUST WANT THIS MOMAN OUT OF THE HOUSE. AND HIRE A REPSONSIBANLE CARE GIVER. AFTER LEARNINGWHAT I LEREND THE SITUATION SCORING IS SAFER THAN LAW ENFORCEMENT. WHO CAN BE TRUSTED. IF LAW ENFORCEMENT GEI INVOLVED OR THESE PROTECTIVE AGENCYS MY DAD COULD DIE... I WAS WARNED ABOUT ALL THIS... THIS IS MY S... CAN ANY ONE PLEASE TELL ME IF THERE IS A WAY TO SIDE SIDE STEP LAW ENFORCEMENT AND GET HELP THAT RWONT KILL HIM OF MAKE MATTERS SPE OPLE DONT REPORT ELDER ABUSE BECUASE THEY DONT EVEN RELEASE OR EVEN KNOW HOW T HANDLE IT... AND THERE AFRAID...

R

WHY DO GOOD PEOPLE WHO PROVIDE EXCELLENT CARE BECOME VICTIMS BECAUSE THEY ARE SCARED OR DONT SEE THE ABUSE. THAT'S MY STORY//


ANY ONE PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO GET THIS PEICE OF SH*T WOMAN OUT OF MY DADS HOUSE! PLEASE TELL ME OW TO DO IT AND KEEP MY DAD AND CARE GIVERS SAFE.I WANT HER OUT

contact me please - edimarcozz11 at gmail please help! thank you
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Yanno what pisses me off? When I get really, really, really pissed .. I freaking cry. Makes all my huff and puff vanish.
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((((((((auntie)))))) -so glad B is out, the locks are changes and you are planning a garage sale in 30 days. Well done!!!! Hopefully that will be the end of it, though your dad still needs some care doesn't he? Do you have any thoughts about that:? You must be feeling quite a bit of relief!

SA - I think you could give lessons in self defence. I'll share my crowbar on the playground story on your wall.

have a good weekend all
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Nobody has to worry about pissing me off. Iol Anger is easy. I'm quiet in RL, I mind my own business, I'm friendly, but aloof at the same time. I do make friends, but I don't like too many, just a handful. It's hard to make me angry. I turn anger inward. I'm not the bullying type, I'm the type that would defend you against them.

There are very, very few things in this world that inspire a red rage in me. Being the type of person that will take and harm my family for their own gain, not giving two shits about the cost to US at all, is one of them. Most people are too busy being politically correct and 'nice', and sometimes find themselves confronted with loser types, people that drain you, make you feel like shit....not in my world. There is no 'nice' in me for you if you're that type. No mercy. I want you gone. The end. Short and sweet.

A girlfriend and I were at the club one night when I was in my 20's. This guy came up, sat down uninvited, and started blabbing away in my friends ear, touching her, trying to pick her up. She wasn't amused. She looked at me, and rolled her eyes, was leaning away from him...she wasn't at all comfortable. This idiot wouldn't STFU, she couldn't get a word in, and all the while he's being all touchy feely, and not getting the hint. My friend wouldn't SAY anything, she wasn't the 'rude' type. I stopped him mid blab and asked if I could talk to him a minute. He said sure, he was all smiles, the poor, over confident, clueless sap. I said, 'Leave.', and I smiled at him. He said, 'What?' and I said, 'Leave. Go. Get Lost. Walk away. You're not wanted here. Is that clear enough?'. My girl was giggling like a loon. I wish I would have had a camera. The look on his face was priceless. He vanished, real quick. POOF! Short and sweet. Problem solved. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. Life is just simpler that way. lol ;)

To get me to rage, you have to be proven scum. That's the only time the dragon wakes. And by then, I don't care what happens, I just want you out of my world, like yesterday. (too much GOT) lol
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My saving grace is knowing that the good guys, people like you guys, are out there. I know there's a good side, too. And that's where I want to be.... With good friends, and good kinds of people... I kind of like I've been immersed in scum for quite awhile now...

Oh, this is rather amusing...

We still have one or two renters from mom's day. This one guy is a gem, yes indeed. He was such a sweet, sweet boy....according to mom...who was going on 3 months late with the rent. Mom couldn't deal anymore, so I had to. I called him up and told him to either the get rent, like now, or I'd start eviction.

He flipped. He started screaming at me like a girl. It was hilarious. He asked me if I knew who he WAS?? I was informed that he was related to Dutch royalty, and the only reason he didn't have the rent by then was because the royals hadn't sent him his check, or written him back yet.... Uh huh. I told him that he best find a faster way to communicate with the royal family then, and tell them to get their asses in gear, or he'd be on the street. He was still yelling when I hung up. I think I got all the rent...he called mother....a few days later. He's still there, with his wife. I haven't had anymore rent issues. Thank God. Did I mention that I over heard him telling my mom one day that he was a 'well known' producer in Hollywood, and that his 'novel' was coming out, and that he was known for his alluring and beautiful prose.... Yup.
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Remind me never to piss you off! But I want you on my side if I ever have a problem.
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Oh, and I did mention that I'm all for the right to own whatever guns I please, right? Yeah, baby. I have my reasons.
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Jinx, I've never been afraid of these types stirring up anything. One, they didn't even have contracts to be on the property anymore. They were living there with a run out contract, and no rights. Oh, they want to try and get me in trouble? I'm shaking in my boots. Let em'. Who is going to take a drug addicted whore's word, over mine? I had so much against this woman, including $2400 owed in back rent, that she didn't have a leg to stand on, and I knew it. I had been keeping tabs on this bitch for years. I didn't openly get involved per my mom's command, but I knew what was up, and I seethed every day she told me it was none of my business, and to stay out of it.

My stable manager, Ron, informed me one day that there were men in and out of that house, all day and night. He suspected that she was whoring in my mom's house. Greeeeaaaat! Beautiful. All I could do, month after month, was...simmer at this nasty whore was taking advantage of my family and there wasn't a damn thing I could do, because mom told me SHE would handle it. I saw how she 'handled' shit for years. OMG. Being a narcissist, to take advantage of my mom was easy as pie. My mom was a narcissist for one. Tell her what she wanted to hear, drown her in admiration and flattery, ooze sugary sweetness, tell her how wonderful, kind, lovely, beautiful she is, what a freaking SAINT, what an utterly selfless, warm and SWEET lady, and she'd sign you a check. And all I could do was watch.

The 'Deondra'(how ever you spell that sorry bitches name)managed to con, yeah, con, sweet talk, whatever, about 30? 40? 50?, grand. I don't really remember the exact amount, but it was staggering. I almost went into cardiac arrest when I found that out. Just thinking about it now, I can feel my blood pressure going up a little. I was floored, stunned, flabbergasted, shocked, incredulous, and pissed off as a mother.

My mom had a house to rent. Deondra comes over. I take one look, I hear her voice one time. I detest her on sight. She played my mom like a fine tuned instrument. Damn, she was good, too. She had my mom eating out of her hand in about 2 seconds flat.

Inside I was a pit pull on a really short chain, that was snarling and raging and choking and slavering and growling, and all I wanted was to tear that bitches throat out. She knew I hated her. I made no bones about it. She tried to be friendly to me, too....it didn't work. She understood, that I understood, that she was fucking my mom over. I dissed her to her face. (The way mom described her:) Oh, she was so sweet. Such a nice girl. So friendly. So kind of her to bring my mom those chocolates...and I just broiled. I told her flat out to leave a couple times. I was NOT NICE to her. And all I could do was...nothing....and she freaking knew it. She knew my mom's kind. She's a predator. She knows what to look for. And I couldn't do anything at all to stop it. It was one loser coming into our lives after another, at least that's how it seemed. She let people in the house that I scared me. And all I could do was...watch. Watch that happen. Over and over and over and over again. Deondra was the only one that managed to con her out of money, thank God. Or was she? I have no way of knowing, really.

She got conned, over and over again. She had some pimp wanna be over at her stable, boarding 4 horses, not paying rent. 5 years that freaking loser took advantage, and my mom let him do it. One day, he and I went at it. I didn't give a shit at that point. He was standing there, oozing over my mom, and I couldn't take that freaking shit one more minute. I called him a fucking loser to his face. I told him how freaking FUNNY I thought it was that this big, good looking guy, driving a sweet, brand new SUV AND TRUCK, had a wallet FULL of hundreds(he couldn't resist bragging about himself and he pulled out his wallet and showed me one day), fed and took care of 4 horses, bragged about the ladies, wore a fat gold chain that would have choked Mr. T, COULDN'T PAY HIS FUCKING RENT!? I told him his kind of shit worked with my mother, but not me, and I'd personally like to see him get his shit and GET OFF OUR LAND. I was so angry by that point I was shaking. My mom was sitting there with her mouth open, like I had grown horns and hooves. The dude looked like he had been bitch slapped. He stared at me like I was a freaking lunatic. He said, "Nobody talks to me that way..." And I told him flat out that I guess he didn't hear me then, and would he like a repeat. I would gladly have leaped into his face like a rabid animal. I might have gotten my ass beat if it came to that, but Lawd, the dragon was wide open. I wanted to hurt that bastard, and I would have gotten mine in, too, bet on that. He would have left my house bleeding. He just turned around and left. He still stayed awhile, but he never came over again, and he was gone a few months later, thank God. My mom never, ever forgave me for that. She thought I was a crazy, lousy shit to treat such a NICE guy that way.... I wanted to bang my head on the wall.

I've seen the real devils of this world, the predators, and they come in all shapes and sizes. I've come to loath them. I have no mercy for them. I will, and certainly am, capable of defending myself physically if I have to, to get you the hell away from me and mine. And I told this shit head that he best kill me, and that I'd tell the judge that it was all self defense. The world is full of these types. Christ, they're around every corner, everywhere. And that's not paranoia, that's reality. If I have something like that in my world, taking from my family, playing someone in my house, taking from ALL of us, taking ADVANTAGE, sooner or later, I will snap like a rotten twig.

I have threatened people with bodily harm. And? I'd threaten to blow their heads off if they gave me reason to. A couple of these idiots had records for theft and god knows what else... Do you think for one single second, in those moments, when I feel I'm defending me and mine against what I consider a high threat, that I'm going to worry about 911, the cops, or the law? No.

If I have evil in my world, if I have predators in my world, if I'm confronted with some of the real nasties, in my HOUSE, my LIFE....well, lets just say that I'm all for the right to own guns. I gladly would have killed some of these bastards and bitches. I've seen it and heard it all, every line of bullshit there is. I loath these types with a never ending, boiling passion. You've got good guys, you have bad guys. The bad guys don't get a lot of patience, compassion, kindness, mercy, or sympathy from me.

I can be really, really ugly. I don't want to be, but sometimes, to oust an undesirable from your world, it will get ugly. I hated being in that position and having to go there, and finding myself in those situations, with those people...but with my mom, there was no end to these types...

Just...ugh.... awful freaking memories... I don't trust most people. I've seen too many of the bad guys over the years.... that's about all the humanity I ever saw all those years in this cage.

Worry about being 'in trouble'...lol There's worse things in life than being in trouble with the law.
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B is physically gone from the premises. He still has a few personal items in the house and a shed full of tools and equipment. The door locks have all been changed and window locks installed. B left a note Monday night that he "wracked his back" moving so wasn't sure when he'd be back for the rest. In 30 days I'm having a garage sale.
APS finally showed up and interviewed dad yesterday. They haven't spoken with me and they probably won't be able to find B. A moot point now that B's out though I would have liked to see him squirm.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts, ideas and support.
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StandAlone - I can relate to what you are saying. If I thought my daughter was in danger from a husband or boyfriend, I would kill him and go to jail gladly.

Women can get away with "doing" violence more than men can, due to gender stereotypes. We aren't seen as dangerous. I have to say, though, that you really could end up in trouble if the person you "explained things" to wanted to stir things up.

I love the fantasy, though!
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