My sister put our mom in an assisted living facility. Can I get her out? - AgingCare.com

My sister put our mom in an assisted living facility. Can I get her out?

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My sister put our mom in an assisted living facility. Can I get her out.

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As others have said, more information would help produce more specific anwers.
1) Why didn't you and your sister discuss Mother's needs and care plan before she was placed? Or is is a case of discussing it, disagreeing, and Sister having POA? What are the family dynamics between you and your sister?
2) Does Mother want to leave the ALF?
3) If you take her out, where is she going?
4) What is the financial situation? Can Mother afford ALF indefinitely?
5) Your profile says that Mother has dementia. What do you know about that horrible disease? Have you spoken to her doctor? (Has Mother signed hippa papers allowing doctor to speak to you? If not and she will not, that is a big red flag already.) Have you read books, articles on the Internet, attended lectures, gone to a caregivers' group -- done your homework so you know what you can expect as the disease progresses?
6) What are Mother's primary dementia symptoms now? (They will change and get worse over time.) Does she have other chronic conditions, such as copd, diabetes, depression, etc.?

"Can" you get your mother out? That depends on a number of things, such as who has POA, if your mother is competent to make her own decisions from a legal point of view, and what you mother wants.

"Should" you get her out is another question altogether, and one you did not ask, but it is probably the question that needs to be answered first.

Many people here have struggled with ALF or NH issues and may be able to share their insights, if we have a little more information.
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Oh, please think about caring for your mother before taking her into your home. It is 24/7. You will not have a life until she passes which can be years. We all love the person that needs care, but the objective is needs care. It can get so frustrating at times and lonely. I wish my mother was in an AL. I'd rather go visit her everyday than having her live with me and my husband. Your life just won't be the same. You will lose your friends and freedom. Please think about it.
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Some questions I have are: Who is the medical proxy and who has Power of Attorney? Was your mother put there against her will? Are you willing to take care of her 24/7? Does your mother have enough money to pay in home healthcare workers to help with her care and cover her living costs, i.e. food, meds, transportation, rent or help with mortgage, etc.? Is your mother self pay at the current AL or does she have Medicaid?

Often times one sibling has been doing all the care giving and knows exactly what she needs and another, perhaps out of town, sibling will be in denial that their mother needs special care because they have not been there 24/7 to deal with all the nuances of caring for an aging parent.

It is hard to help you without knowing the story.
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You have given us very little information to work with, but I would suggest that information gathering is your first step.
Have you visited the facility and spoken with your mother, and with the staff to see whether they feel her needs meet the AL level of care? IF it does, if you wish to get her out, then you need to figure out how you are going to meet those needs in some other way.
If she has many needs, but you don't like the facility, perhaps you can investigate other facilities that are more pleasant. In some states, home health options are available, but they often lack the social and recreational opportunities that are available in AL (assisted living). Are there alternatives, such as Senior Centers, Adult day care, so that Mom is not socially isolated and at risk, and so you are not burning out if you are thinking of keeping her at home?
Perhaps your mother might need some help but not AL, in which case, Independent living provides an intermediate step.
IN all cases, paying for it can be tricky, so you will need to know what is available. If she is in an AL and it is being paid for, the lesser services most likely could be covered as well.
Your state probably has area agencies who have case workers who can offer you specific information about laws and resources. But I encourage you to move slowly. If your sister was primary caregiver for your mother, she may have greater needs than one person can meet at home, and even if you need to adjust the situation, pulling her out without a backup plan may not be the solution. Especially if Mom has any cognitive issues, she may not be a good self-reporter. Ask questions. Get information from multiple sources. If possible, talk to your sister. If not, talk to any other relatives who may have reliable information.
Good luck, and let us know how it goes!
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