Follow
Share

My 90 year old Father has several physical issues (heart condition, diabetes, etc.) and is doing fairly well with his medications. My question is how do I tell him that we've discussed something without saying "You remember" when I know that he doesn't remember? He has always had a fairly good memory but is, understandably, beginning to suffer some memory loss. For instance, today he told the home health nurse that the dermatologist has not looked at the spot on his neck when, in fact, he has looked at it several times. What phrase or words can I use? He gets so embarrassed (and frightened I would guess) that he doesn't remember something so I'd like to find the most compassionate way to say "You remember".

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
thanks for the suggestions. I'll certainly give them a try. At the doctor's office I always try to position myself so that I can nod "Yes" or "No" so the doctor knows the real answer without me having to contradict my parent.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

alison, my mother forgets many things. She may also change things that she does remember so much that they become untrue. If it is important, I tell whoever she is talking to the correct answer. I would do this in the case of her doctors, since they have to know what is really going on. If it isn't important, I just let it go if she doesn't remember. If she asks I tell her again like it is the first time.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I've put it on myself by saying "I don't know if I mentioned to you that you have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday". Then if the person doesn't remember, it's not embarrassing because they figure it's just a communication thing, not that they forgot.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

"So, Mom, I don't know if you recall but the wound care doctor looked at your backside the other day ". Said without much emphasis or need for reply, in a very neutral way.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Ooops! My headline indicates my Mother when this question is, in fact, about my Father. I care for them both and have the same issue with both.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter