Did anyone else's relationship fall apart because of the stress of caregiving?

i agree, ive been taking care of FIL fulltime for 6mon. it feels like i dont have a husband. at times i think they are fighting for my attention and everytime i say something about going out to eat FIL throws himself on the floor

Yes, rosie, me too, very similar pattern to yours. We're trying to tidy up the fallout being as nice to each other as possible.

Be careful. Don't blame yourself for having priorities. I'm sure you're right that our caregiving leaves our partners short of attention, feeling neglected, finding that the girl they knew when she was a lot more fun is tired and stressed, etc. etc. Well oh boo-bloody-hoo. I don't for a moment blame my other half for admitting that he's had enough and wanting to move on; if he doesn't want to be here, I don't want to keep him here; but if I hear one word from him about how hard done-by he feels… well I won't be answerable.

They're grown ups. If they can't cope with having to take a back seat for good reasons that are plain for them to see… Or even better, actually lend a hand and suck up some of the excess strain… Fine. Bye then!

Yeah, that's the truth-Ruth! Even though my mother is relatively healthy, emotionally it's an other story and that has caused me tremendous stress and illness. I finally decided to see a therapist which helped a lot. I made the time and never told my mother. I started making up lies so I could have a few periods of times for myself. She always tries the F.O.G approach to manipulate me. I have learned to not be manipulated to try to have compassion, to let God judge her, to hang on to my sense of self, to sort out the old garbage from what is going on today, to not let their problems overshadow your own survival. But even though I am inching forward, it consumes me night and day. Meditation, yoga, dance to one song a day, a walk, a talk to a friend, eat your favorite fruit and savor its sweetness, whatever it is, do something to restore yourself. Care for yourself as much as the elder parent. Pray for a peaceful release for everyone. It's the toughest trial I have ever, ever had! I am not enjoying it much at all! I feel for all of us. And it is very difficult for our elders too.

Honestly, it's the people that STAY with care givers of elderly parents that I give kudos too. I wouldn't do it. I'm single, but if I did find someone and found out that they were a full time care taker of one or both of their parents, that's it. Game over. I took care of my own mom for over a decade. When did I have time for anything or anyone else but her? Hell, I didn't have time for ME let alone a relationship! I was so worn out and exhausted most days that taking a shower felt like more work. Of course any man would feel shoved onto the back burner in that situation, where all your time and effort, not to mention energy, is going into the care giving role. Marriages go to hell in a hand basket because of the care giving role. People can and do lose jobs and income in the care giver role. Who can work when they're dealing with someone who needs care around the clock? Based on my own experience, there's no way I'd have even tried to sustain a relationship while dealing with my mom. There just wasn't any TIME for anyone else, and I spent weeks, months, YEARS on end feeling like a worn out, exhausted hag. What man would want to be with someone that always had to put their mother/father first? What woman wants to be with a man that always has to put his mother/father first? The care giving role is a relationship destroyer. Period.

The bottom line? Enter into the care giver role 24/7 and life is over. Done. Finished. There won't be any time for anything...or anybody...else and that's a fact. Keep reading. This site will tell you all you need to know.