I've been reading a bit through the 'questions' and 'discussion' sections on this site and had to register to throw this out and see what comes back ...
It seems the care of a difficult aging parent goes on and on and on. It never stops. It gets better than worse off and on almost nonstop and so many people on this site have given up so much of their lives to care for parents who weren't even necessarily good parents when they had the cognitive abilities.
I don't want to go down that road. I don't want to lose my life to a mother who essentially made her own choices to get where she is now (financially and health wise) and continues to think that someone else is responsible for her life.
I am 42, living in California and trying to deal with my 66 yr old mother in Idaho who is more like an 86 yr old (physically and mentally). She has always been a selfish person, critical and judgmental of most people but me (now I am the one receiving her negativity), she is bipolar, and the doctors believe she has early dementia showing. She also has no friends or family around and no financial resources.
She recently lost her husband to cancer and neither of them did anything to prepare for his future when they knew his time was limited, despite the fact that they were both well enough to put a plan together and I urged them constantly.
I am tired and do not even want to help this person who fights my help. I have tried to help from a far and have made trips to help that went nowhere. I was up there when my stepdad passed and my mother is in denial that she does not have enough money coming in to even pay her bills, let alone live and she argues with me about everything after saying she needs help. Because it's not a definite diagnosis or dementia - the doctors cannot force her into care.
I met a nice lady while I was up there - introduced through an elder care lawyer - she works as a guardian and she's been trying to get her foot in the door to help mom.
Bottom line - mom will have a little death benefit money coming her way and I feel the little sanity I have left is telling me to let mom fail on her own (not be able to pay bills, etc) and realize she is alone so she has to retain this persons assistance.
It seems so cruel, but I can't see giving any more of my life to this person who was never a great mother - her choices all along in life have put emotional, mental, and now financial burdens on her own child. I just can't imagine a child is meant to take this.