Mom is 78 and just got out of rehab. Rehab ordered a full sling Hoyer lift for transfers even with a commode opening. The problem is that mom refuses to try, she always says "I can't," and never tries. Tonight, when I tried to get her up to change her bed, she ended up sitting on the recliner and crapping herself.
I have a bed in the bedroom, unfortunately I cannot get the legs under her new bd frame so she can't sleep in her bed, in fact she even told me she wasn't going to that she was good on the chair. NOT so she thinks that she will remain in the recliner.
Finally got her up to get her on the bedside commode and get her changed.
What do you do with someone with dementia that refuses to do anything except tell everyone, "Put me in a home?" I just want to cry. I do not know what to do.
Please help me, I am drowning.
So put her in a home with a full staff to help her . Visit her whenever you like .
If Mom has money place her now. My Mom had 20k that paid May and Junes care. That gave me time to apply for Medicaid which started in July.
All of this nonsense, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” is killing caregivers. The caregivers end up becoming sick themselves from being stressed and unable to care for their own needs.
Some situations become entirely too much for one person to handle.
Are you willing to consider that possibility?
It is TERRIBLY difficult to think objectively when dealing with a cherished LO in the situation you’re in.
The “responsibility” you took on may well be far too much for even the most well intentioned person to assume.
Although any requests or demands or suggestions made by someone with dementia must be carefully weighed against the reality of their situation, it would seem a possibility that she is requesting of you what might in fact be best for you both.
You will feel better yourself by realizing that residential care might be better than any amount of care you can give, then researching nearby residential care sites, so that you know what’s available “just in case”.
Again, out of love, you may not be able to do what you’d hoped when she was released from rehab, but a decision made on behalf of her SAFETY (and yours), may be the best of the choices available to you.
Good luck, however you decide.
Your mom is telling you to put her in a home, and that is what you MUST do.
Your mom will receive the 24/7 care she requires and get to hang out with folks her own age, and you will be able to get back to just being her daughter and advocate and not her extremely burned out caregiver.
It will be a win win for you both, so get the ball rolling today to get mom placed.
And no more excuses!
What is stopping you from seeking outside assistance?
If your mom says, “Put me in a home,” please don’t hesitate to start looking for a facility.
Many people actually do much better in a facility where they can receive care from trained professionals.
I am sure that you have the best of intentions and want to help your mom, but obviously, she isn’t cooperating with you. So, let others try.
You can be her advocate and visit her as often as you like.
Best wishes to you and your mother.
Youi are in way over your head. Why are you in this situation?