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MIL lived with us and I still do care daily at the facility. I helped in depth for years, now I feel like I am a servant. I used to take her to appointments and still do, at times.



Sibling 1 is condesending and treats me awful at times. It has been a few years since I associated with the person. Sibling 1 tells me I am dumb because I only have a diploma, no college. The siblings decided sibling 1 could take MIL to dental and vision appointments because they know more than me.



Today, husband wanted me to research a dental discount program. I did as I was asked in front of him. I then told him that for the last few years MIL had dental and vision insurance. He looked at me like I was a moron. Called the dentists and insurance companies and learned she had coverage all this time. He asked why I did not tell him and I said that I am not POA and I thought I was too stupid to know anything and that him and his siblings had it under control. Her dentist does not take her insurance.



I tried telling them at first then gave up. They (4 siblings) have spent $8,000 because they did not know. Am I a jerk?

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Sounds like a lot of blame-games & put downs in this family drama.

My question is how to you want to proceed?

Continue to be a main player in the MIL-care show?

Or go sit in the audience?

Be civil to the snakey siblings or avoid?

I think I'd leave the performance entirely & take up a hobby. Something that involved much travel away..
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I can't even decide what I want to say here MILHell. My first thought was did you tell him to post everything he's ever done TO YOU on AITA and see what kind of response he gets? "I have mistreated my wife, used her as unpaid labor to take care of my mother, allowed my family of origin to treat her worse than dirt, physically abused her when she didn't do what *I* wanted with regard to MY mother's care, expected her to take care of my mother who was already in a nursing home because it wasn't enough...but I've never once said thank you and I don't appreciate anything she has done...AITA?"

My second thought was - and here is where this is my opinion and only you can do anything about this. Why are you still accepting this kind of treatment? From him? From his family? Yes...you got them indeed and from my position it is funny as heck because they totally deserve it. But they deserve more. They deserve to not have you to kick around and take all of this out on. The fact that he got mad at you and then wanted to further humiliate you by having you post what you did on Reddit to get the opinions of others to ask them if you were an A*hole to prove his point is just beyond the pale.

Your MIL isn't the hell. Her needs are the void that is sucking you in. But the hell is the people in your life. Your husband and his siblings who have taken you for granted and taken advantage for so long and have never appreciated what you have done. Who have subjugated you and have called you names. The A*hole here is him and them because they think it is funny to continue to treat you this way.

Why do you continue to accept this behavior? Wash your hands of it all. Tell them you are not doing this anymore. Take a vacation. Leave them to this mess. And let them figure out the holes. I wouldn't even fill in the blanks with your knowledge anymore. They don't listen and when they do, they pick you apart like vultures.

Take back your life. You didn't do anything wrong here. You DID try to tell them. They, in their superiority complex, didn't listen. You can't change people who don't want to change. You can only control yourself, you own actions, and how you respond to how people treat you.
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Nothing changes if nothing changes. Your DH and his family sound like horrible people. How you can stand to look at your husband is a mystery to me.
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You posted several times and those siblings treat you badly.
I have no words for your husband, because if it was me it would be h*ll and fury like he never saw before.
Time for you to stand up for yourself, time to distance yourself.
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Why do you put up with either your husband OR his family?

The way he treats you is beyond disrespect; he seems to treat you with absolute and total contempt!

Is it really worth staying with him for these few "told you so" moments?

Isn't this the same husband who slapped YOU when it came to a disagreement about care for HIS mother that YOU were providing? Care YOU were providing when the FACILITY in which she lives REFUSED to give her?

Why on Earth do you stay and put up with this garbage?
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I thought you were divorcing.
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Love it.
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Karma in action! And yes, likely some will try to spin it as 'your fault' to take the focus off of their own stupidity and arrogance. You get the last laugh...thanks for sharing it with us!
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I am sitting here laughing. 😂 Out of my husbands siblings and spouses I did not go to College. I wonder if all these years I was thought as stupid. My DH never thought so. He always felt I would find a job faster than he would with his College Education.

Who set up Medicaid for MIL? At that time you set up the Insurance provider you are going to use ex: Blue Cross. Vision and Dental nephews Medicaid only gave u one insurance choice. We were sent all the Cards we needed.

Yes, you need to use Medicaid doctors. I was told that if a doctor finds you are Medicaid they can't see you if they don't take it. If your on Medicaid you are not suppose to have money to spend on Health needs. I had this with nephews neurologist. As long as he was on straight insurance we had no problem but when he went on full Medicaid (no Medicare) the Neurologist could not take him because he did not take Medicaid. I was not allowed to to private pay. The Dentist MIL must have no idea she is Medicaid.

In ur in-laws and husband's defense, Medicaid does not send statements like Medicare. They just pay whats owed. So make sure DH understands that to use Medicaid it must be a doctor who excepts it.

Now MIL, ur profile says she is in IL is she now in an AL or LTC? If in an AL or LTC why are you going over to do "care" that should be being done by the facility?

My husband (College educated) said the stupidest people he knows are College Educated. Book smart but not life smart. I think I would start backing off on any care you are doing especially if she is in a facility. Your DH is the POA. I think 4 College Educated people can care 4 1 mother. Your name also makes me think MIL is not the easiest person to deal with. And no, you are not the jerk.😏
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Tell hubby that you have no intention of being drawn into issues involving his Mother and her care any longer. Period. End of sentence.
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