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Dad has dementia. Mother has psychological issues that went unchecked for too long. I'm a working caregiver who was removed from ALL papers and accounts after explaining it was time to start looking into solutions for their longterm care needs.


The housekeeper is very helpful. And does check on them. She is not a legal immigrant however.
- She brings them food occassionally.
- She has taken them to the hospital.


That made me feel great until I realized Mother is overpaying this woman.
-- $100 a day or more, but later I was told $150 for four hours of work. And their home is SMALL.
-- I have tried to tell Mother to bring in someone who is qualified to care for dad's needs and costs less per hour.
-- As that's more visits per week for him and less work for him. And let the housekeeper clean the house.
-- I think it's great she has someone there to help, but I am seeing redflags.


I was told by someone in the eldercare industry that asking my mother to get a home for them - all - to move in -- is HIGHLY innappropriate. And now I'm the bad guy for trying to explain that I think she needs to be more careful.


Does any of this sound familiar? What do you tell them? I live out of town. Have my hands full with a child with autism. And she is so far gone mentally - it's just a matter of time before something happens. And I have no idea what to do.

If you have never spoken to the housekeeper yourself, do you mean that everything you know about her has come to you through your mother?

Your mother who won't tell you who has POA, has taken all authorisations away from you, has long standing mental issues of her own and is under enormous stress caring for a husband with dementia? Perhaps not the most reliable source of information you could wish for, then.

You don't live nearby, you work full time, and your priority is your child: that's totally fine, of course - what should you be doing, moving in with your parents? Hardly.

But since for these very good reasons you *can't* intervene in your parents' situation, while you recognise that it is becoming urgent, you need to refer them to somebody who can. Call APS, ask them for a risk assessment.
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PS Employers send out W2's. I'm sure she never got a W2. And this is scary.
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JoAnn29 Jan 31, 2019
Caregivers can be considered self-employed. As such, its up to them to keep records of their wages. Moms responsibility would be putting money in SS and matching. But if undocumented probably has no SS card and if she does its fake.
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Mother will not tell us who POA is. She removed me from everything after explaining it might be time to start looking at assisted living. And APS got involved. As for the person whose grandparent's got citizenship through sponsorship- I highly doubt your grandfather approached elderly people about buying a house they could ALL live in. They are illegals or undocumented.

I don't thihk calling ICE is the answer, but one to be looked into should she keep pressuring my mother.

Thanks for all of your help everyone.
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Reply to Joojoobee
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Who is POA? If Mom and Dad are incompetent of taking care of themselves then POA needs to step in.
Blessings
hgn
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Joo;  One thing I want you to consider...."mom has psychological issues"???

Is it possible that she is imagining this plan for the cleaner to have her purchase a home for them all to live in?  Have you only heard this from mom?

Just something to consider, that this is a delusion that your mom is having.

I'm so terribly sorry that you are going through this.   {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}
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Yes, what your talking about has happened to other members. One I remember was a live in and when her client died she felt she should still be allowed to live in the house. Another tried to take over the household.

If this woman does not have a green card she is here illegally. She needs a GC to work. Having a sponsor happens when you apply to be allowed to live here permanently. Before you enter the country not while you live here illegally.

I can imagine this is overwhelming. And $150 is too much for cleaning. How much cleaning do they need. I'd clean for that kind of money.

Really not sure what you can do other to find Mom incompetent too. Someone who has been thru this maybe able to help.
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worriedinCali Jan 30, 2019
what? You don’t need a green card to be here legally. Lack of a green card does not mean she is here illegally. Many people are in this country legally without a green card. You don’t even need a green card to work here legally. A green card means you are a permant resident, you can live and work her permanently. But you do not be a permanent resident to live and work here. If the worker has suggested the OPs parents help her get her green card, that is not rare and unusual. Employers can help with that and speed up the process, that’s how my grandparent-in-laws became permanent residents.
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Please refer to US law concerning employment of illegal immigrants:

https://www.justice.gov/jm/criminal-resource-manual-1908-unlawful-employment-aliens-criminal-penalties

Also, a caregiver is domestic labor and must be a W2 employee which includes I-9 verification or e-verify. There are also fines if those are incorrect.

Speak to an attorney.
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Turn my parents in? When I have zero control over what they do? Like as in get elderly people arrested? I don't think so. My questions were if anyone had heard of this before?
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If the caregiver is not a legal citizen - report that person to ICE
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PS. NO I haven't spoken to her. And have no plans, too. She seems nice, but I don't trust her. Again: she tried to get my mother to buy a home for them to move into together. That is crossing a line.
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cara77 Feb 1, 2019
I would call APS again & explain that your parents are being coerced & taken advantage of. In their advanced age & psychological state they need help with this! The only ppl getting in trouble or removed from the situation will be the illegals for coming up with this scheme.
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They are not harboring illegal or undocumented workers. I would have put my foot down at that. I cannot control who they hire to work for them. And yes while I realize that - it's out of my control.

I want what's best, but how do you explain that these people don't even pay taxes on their income. And she's paying her - so - NO - she is NOT LIKE FAMILY. And NO. They do not LOVE you. They might care, but I'm sure once they stopped paying them the LOVE would end.
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worriedinCali Jan 30, 2019
it may be out of your control but that doesn’t make what they are doing LEGAL. They are violating multiple laws. I am confused now though. The immigration status was sure your concern when you posted this and now that it’s beeb pointing out that your parents are breaking the law, you say it’s out of your control?
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Have you talked to the helpful housekeeper lady yourself?

It may be that her intentions are excellent, in which case all you need do is remind her what it looks like when your mother comes up with these odd rumours...

Or, it may be that she actually is hunting around for help, for herself and her family, still without meaning anything bad for your parents; in which case you might need to explain to her what best practice says about finances and vulnerable elders.

Or, it may be that she is coming under pressure from other people to make the most of any opportunities. In which case, perhaps just knowing that you're watching might make her look elsewhere.

After you've talked to her, you might decide you're going to have to take this further. But find out first.

It really is a waste of breath trying to change your mother's mind: she's too stressed to think straight, even before you take her existing issues into account. Your options, if not now then before long, will be to involve APS or to apply for guardianship (which will cost you a heap of money, time and trouble). But meanwhile, it would be worth finding out if the housekeeper is a treasure or a problem - at least you'll know if you have to start making calls today, or not for a little while yet.
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So, your problem is with the housekeeper asking for "sponsorship"? What about the fact your parents are committing a felony harboring illegals and violating labor laws?

You need to speak with a lawyer.
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Countrymouse Jan 30, 2019
Yes, there is that.
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