My friend has had a caregiver for a year. Now that she is recovered from her medical issues. Advice? - AgingCare.com

My friend has had a caregiver for a year. Now that she is recovered from her medical issues. Advice?

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These services are no longer needed. Yet she will not give up the caregiver and is paying the salary herself. The problem is that the caregiver is taking advantage and doing nothing but watching tv etc..Is an intervention needed?

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Mary, I'd say your friend is bored and lonely and feels that she would rather pay for attention rather than have none. The solution for her family is to get her out and more involved with her family and in the community so she is less reliant on the caregiver. Perhaps she would do better at assistive living where she would be surrounded by new friends and activities, perhaps she would enjoy attending events at a seniors centre or if she needs some supervision an adult daycare.

As for yourself, don't let the family manipulate you into taking on their responsibilities. If they want confront the caregiver that is up to them to do and they will need to accept the fall out from that, I think they would rather see you left holding the blame.
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I have seen it and have known the person for 40 years.
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I don't understand how or why you're involved or why the family isn't addressing this issue themselves if they're that concerned. I would also be reluctant to get involved since the information is second hand, hearsay, unless you've personally seen these alleged abuses.
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The social worker has told the family that it is not unusual that caregivers take advantage. And so it goes. I have no stake, I don't really care except that I care when the family comes to me.
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Stay out of it. Family needs to address as they see fit. But, the same warning to them is if mom is competent, it is her money, and her decision on how to spend it.

You just need to stay out of the middle of this if you value the friendship. If friend is important, support her!
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We must have posted at the same time.

Why is the family concerned?
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I agree with gladimhere. As long as your friend is mentally competent she can do what she wants. If she wants a paid caregiver and can afford one the caregiver isn't doing anything wrong by keeping the job if the arrangement works for both of them. No intervention necessary.
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That's part of the problem. I am not involved at all but the family is really concerned.
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If your friend is competent and enjoys this person's company then stay out of it. And be grateful that she has someone she likes as her companion. So many have a difficult time when extra care is needed letting a stranger into their homes. How many hours a week is the caregiver there? If your friend is not competent then that is another story. But the answer is to allow her family to deal with this if you value this friendship. If you do, stay out of it.
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