I have both my parents in AL. Mom has progressed to mild - moderate dementia & my dad is beside himself. He feels the need to "take care of her" even though there are staff around to help (though not always prompt). The main problem is that she has outbursts of anger toward him; other times she says things that make no sense.
Today she told him that she heard him talking to my aunt (who has been dead about 8 years) about buying shoes. This befuddles him as he doesn't know how to respond. I've been trying to help him with "therapeutic fibbing" but it's taking a while. She really needs memory care, but he does not. So we're planning on separating them, with her moving to the Memory Care side of the AL & he would stay on the regular side in a different apartment. He can see her anytime, but knows she will be monitored more closely when he's not with her.
The problem is that mom has moments of clarity when she seems to relate fairly well. What would be the best way to present the separation to her, with the idea of avoiding a blow-up or meltdown? At the AL there is another couple who has this same arrangement & seem to be doing fine, but I think the wife has more advanced dementia than my mom. Obviously we will try to discuss with this gentlemen, but I'd like to get some other ideas. Please advise if anyone has experienced this & has some recommendations. (By the way, this forum has been a great resource for me as I've been part-time caregiving for them for about 4 years & finally got them to AL. I have recommended AgingCare to others & even some health care professionals. Thanks to all who contribute!)