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I am trying to keep my mother in her home. I live with her but am getting to the point where it's not manageable by myself anymore. Her physical care is easy but the mental and emotional is too much. I have caregivers come while I am at work, part time, and other times so I can do the shopping, etc. My sister comes about once a month or so to give me a break for a couple nights. All of this helps but it's still too much after 7 years. Mom has declined a lot in the past 3 years. She has dementia and Parkinson's, both having taken a turn for the worse in the past 9 months. She is still aware of her decline but no idea how bad. She is continent and still dresses and showers by herself with a little help. I feel like a live-in or a memory care facility is the next step and I am not emotionally ready to put her in a facility.

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I agree with looking into a dementia care facility. Having someone in your home would be a huge issue if they are injured. My Father has dementia and lashed out at caregivers that came into his home. He had to be placed in a memory care facility. For everyone's safety it might be best to move her now. Also, I'm not sure anyone could be a full time live in care giver for someone with dementia. One of the hardest thing to deal with was my Dad hardly slept no matter what we did and then we didn't sleep either. Also he started sun downing and became difficult and wanted to leave the house. It was impossible to take care of him with no sleep day after day. Dementia only gets worse...it's a cruel disease. I pray that someday there is some kind of treatment that is effective.
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As someone who worked in Elder Care, I can say with certainty you will NEED 3 full time caregivers, and that is going to cost a fortune.

I'd look more carefully at full time Memory Care facilities, as you are already thinking about one. Do it now. The worry of whether a caregiver is going to show up or not, whether they are all vetted and checked out to be considered "worthy" of your trust....such a nightmare. You are planning to still live with mother? Then you also need to be aware that 3 different people ( more actually, if you are planning round the clock care) means you also need to deal with the personalities and changes that this many people can bring.
I worked about 30 hrs per week with my client. I was beyond exhausted every day I worked. I did not get vacation, OT only on holidays and I know the turnover rate is sky high (the job pays peanuts).
I'd look more into moving mom now, rather than deal with the stress of all these people coming in and going out all day.
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angelsiwel, live-in caregivers are good if the patient doesn't need around the clock care. Otherwise this caregiver would be doing the work of 3 full-time caregivers each and every day. Very easy to burn out at that rate.

Plus the caregiver would want some days off to do things for her/himself. Also if you hire a live-in caregiver or a caregiver who isn't from an Agency, your Mom will need to add a "workman's comp" rider to her homeowner's policy.

My Dad had around the clock caregivers from an Agency, then at the end of the first 8 hour shift, another caregiver would come in all refreshed and ready to work. It was very expensive.

Because of the expense, my Dad was ready to move to Senior living facilities, which cost half the amount. He had a lot of people to help him... nurse, Aides, chef, waitstaff, housekeeping, laundry service, handyman to help him if something wasn't working in his apartment. And he enjoyed having other people is age around him :)

Keep us up to date on what you decide.
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Your Mom sounds like a perfect candidate for Adult Day Care.
It will keep her occupied and engaged and you will have a break during the days she is in Day Care. You can get LOTS done, (been there done that) I even got a movie in once!
If there are no Adult Day Care programs where you are a volunteer from a senior group or even your church (any place of worship where you're a member) if this applies.
The advantage to Adult Day Care is (at least the one where I had my husband) they were a Memory Care facility and I was able to arrange Respite there and since he knew the staff and the surroundings I felt very comfortable leaving him there while I went on a MUCH needed vacation.

I think giving yourself a break a few days a week may lessen the need for a live in care giver. When you do need a caregiver if your Mom is not a problem at night try just using a caregiver during the day.
Finding a good, honest, caring person to hire was one of the hardest parts of caring for my Husband. I finally got 2 awesome people through the local community college. They have a CNA and a Nursing program and I contacted the director and asked if she was aware of any recent graduates that were looking for a job and that I was looking to hire privately. She gave a few students my info and they contacted me. I did give her a brief outline of my husbands diagnosis and left it to her to give the info to the students that she thought would be good. She was right because the 2 that I interviewed and hired were Angels!
If you do hire a live in it might be easier to go through an agency so that you do not have to worry about taxes, workers comp, and all the rest of the stuff that could make this a nightmare. And they are background checked and the agencies are bonded.
If you do hire live in privately please get the proper paperwork in place, a contract and go into detail and make sure taxes and insurance are taken care of.
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YIKES! If hiring someone to live in an elder's home, I'd want a criminal background check before doing an in-home interview.
I hired someone who had gone to church with my family member and was recommended by clergy, and it worked out OK; but in hindsight, I think I probably should have been more careful even then.
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Just to add a thought or two. What does your sister do when she comes that you find helpful? Perhaps look for more of that. Also I think we sometimes overlook that a housekeeper is a separate layer that really helps the whole situation. Someone to do the laundry. A cook. Help with the lawn. Instead of spending all the funds on someone to sit with mom, reserve some to make your life easier and free you up a bit to restore yourself. Perhaps your care takers do that already. Just a thought.
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Once you find someone you might consider, discuss with them their likes and dislikes and what temperature they feel comfortable in, also what they cook and eat, and generally inquire as to what they like to do when your mother might be sleeping or resting, etc. And look at their personality - are they friendly and outgoing or very quiet and introverted (I could not stand the latter type). Then compare the answers as to how it would affect your mother. Good luck.
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Check with an accountant before you get a live in caregiver. Unless they are working for an agency, they are an employee. Do this correctly or it will cause major problems later on.
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