How can I reassure my loved one she is not in any danger?

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Virginia is 85 years old never been separated from me i am 79 years old. She is in the hospital and i been there every day for 2 weeks she has dementia i am learning about it. She calls me twice a night and says she is scared i tell her she is safe. What more can i say to her for her comfort?

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Hello, and how is it going?
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That's my plan as well safely take care of Virginia. She will get better care better food and a lot of love that's the key point of it all! Thank you!
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Supercharts, I have said..As long as I can safely care for my husband he will remain at home. I think he gets better care at home and has a lower risk of getting ill than if he were in any facility.
As to the "terminal" illness...Life is terminal. Dementia is terminal..As long as there is a continued decline that can be documented she can stay on Hospice.
Good luck!!
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Hello Grandma1954
That's an idea i have not thought of i will look into it. I was under the impression one had to have a terminal illness to qualify for Hospice and live in their facility and was not aware that home Hospice was an option. TY
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Supercharts...is the reason that the hospital does not want you to bring her home that they do not think you can care for her? Or for her safety?
If you think it is appropriate contact Hospice. They can assess Virginia and if they determine her to be eligible for Hospice they can get all the equipment and supplies you need to care for her in your home. Lifts, gloves, pads, briefs, ointments, medications....and they will have a CNA come in a few times a week to help bathe her, a nurse will come in to monitor her. You will have a Social Worker and a Chaplain that will help YOU.
From your posts I think it sounds like you would both be more comfortable with her at home. If and when pain management becomes an issue most if not all Hospice have In Patient Units where a person can go for pain management or if you need a break Virginia can go for Respite.
Just for information give a few Hospice groups in your area a call and ask a few questions. Or ask the Social Worker at the hospital if they can suggest who to call.
It is a phone call, you are not signing up for anything, and if you decide after a while that Hospice is not right for you you can stop Hospice services at any time.
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Virginia is looking better after the Buspar 7.5 mg three times a day i have a meeting with the Hospital social worker and the head nurse with my Ombudsman and Virginia's social worker July 19th to look at Virginia's progress and see if i can take her home.I have a Lumex stand assistance machine to help Virginia at home.(The Lumex Stand Assist is a transport assistance unit that keeps the resident actively engaged in the transport process. Transport functions of all kinds are quick, convenient, and require minimal caregiver assistance. Users grasp the middle bar and use their own strength to pull themselves up into position. A padded split seat swings out to allow loading or unloading, then swings back to form a comfortable and stable transport seat. The Stand Assist is a convenient toileting alternative to a wheelchair.
400 lb safe working load
Padded dual knee pads and seat pads for comfortable transport
Stable base with locking rear casters
Fits easily through narrow doorways
Affordable alternative to electric sit-to-stand lifts)http://www.quikshipmedical.com/lumex-stand-assist-lf1600 I am doing well i am paceing myself by visting Virginia every day for 3 hours i am willing to give Vrginia all i have for her to be home i am possitive she will walk again and we can build more memories together. TY Zdarov for asking.
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Hello, how are you making out?
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Let me understand. Virginia was int he hospital when you first posted, at the end of April. She went into a nursing home for long-term care at the beginning of June. Where was she in May? Was she in a rehab or tcu facility? If so, did they determine that she was not and probably could not make progress with rehab and that is why she went to a nursing home? Did you agree to that, at that time?

Why is it you don't seem to be given much say over her decisions? Is there some kind of court order involved? Do other people have a say in her care? For example who is her medical proxy/medical power of attorney?

This is a puzzling situation. I would like to hear a more complete story, so that perhaps our advice could be more specific and on point.
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Supercharges you can do a great deal to help Virginia's physical therapy yourself.
You can move her arms and legs and rub her legs to stimulate the circulation. There are special alternating pressure boots that can be put on her legs that stimulate the circulation. She may find them uncomfortable .
When she is in the wheelchair or geri recliner make sure her legs are elevated with nice soft pillows under them.
As a patient journey with vascular dementia nears it's end they frequently stop walking and this may indicate that death will be within a few months.
As far as taking Virginia home either with medical approval or not think very carefully and do not rely on friends however well meaning they may be. When they see the enormity of the task they will not be able to cope assuming they are in your own age group. Encourage them to visit frequently maybe read to her, help her eat but do not expect the heavy nursing care that will be needed. You are going to need care 24/7 so that means a minimum of 3 full time caregivers and a 4th to cover days off. Can you afford that?
However much you love your wife you will not be doing her any favors by taking on more than you are capable of.
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Supercharts, I am sorry Virginia is receiving this treatment. I think I mentioned this before, but if you can find a facility with more professional staff, it might be fairly straight-forward to transfer her to a different facility. The facility she is at now sounds bad. Even though they are discontinuing rehab for her, her stay may still being being paid for by Medicare. If that's the case, getting her into another place might give her time to build strength before coming home. It is just harder to find a spot in a facility if you get her home and then decide it is too much.

However if you going to bring her home for sure, I wish you the best! I hope you will find a nice caregiving team to help you, too. Your love and devotion for Virginia is really touching. Everyone should have such a loyal friend!
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