How to react when a person suffering dementia is exhibiting an immature, abusive behavior? - AgingCare.com

How to react when a person suffering dementia is exhibiting an immature, abusive behavior?

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When my grandma is using bad words for us in a loud voice and is acting almost insane, and especially she is not willing to listen or to believe anyone , how must we react to calm her down?

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Teepa Snow is an amazing speaker and I second the suggestion from Countrymouse. You also may want to read this article:
healthcentral/alzheimers/c/62/145404/caregivers-abuse

Your grandma can't help herself. Many people swear when they enter a certain stage of dementia, and this includes people who never previously swore. The same is true for abusive behavior. Handling the abuse can be difficult to say the least.

She may be in pain and can't express this, or she may be so confused and frightened that this is her only outlet. I'd be very honest with her doctor - even write down some episodes - and ask if there's a medication that can help her anxiety. This may at least help a little.

Best wishes during this tough time,
Carol
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Adeena (sorry, me again!) if you go to the Search Site box top right and enter "Teepa Snow" you'll see a list of really helpful links for this kind of problem. Teepa is brilliant, she really knows her stuff. Hope you find what you're looking for x
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If you can, detach your emotions a little. Keep on loving and doing all that you can and remember, they aren't the person they used to be. Deep down, you do still love them and that is what their wanting to hear and see from you. It is amazing what love does to a hurting person!
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Glad you mum is willing to do this. You are right - it is for her own good, and there comes a time with some older people, as with children. we need to do what is for their good, not necessarily what they want. Hope she settles down now.
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adeena - Carol and cm have pointed you in a good direction. Managing a person with dementia is difficult. Setting some boundaries can be helpful., and learning to detach and not take the abuse personally.

liflerner - there aren't many people on the site today due to the holidays. I wish I knew how to make someone take a drug they need, when they choose not to. My mother has BPD and also now increasing paranoia and delusions and she refuses to take the meds that help her. Her life has become more unmanageable due to her paranoia and complaints/accusations and that makes it very difficult for her and those trying to take care of her. Other have suggested to me that crushing pills and putting them in food may be a way of getting her meds into her. It happens in some nursing homes. It is not an option in mother's case. I have great sympathy for you as I am in the same position, but having discussed it with several professionals, have not found an answer.
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oops - didn't see Carol's post. Let us know how it works out.
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It worked. Crushed the pill and added it to her sandwich. She didn't know the difference. Thanks again.
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Emjo, could you get medications in a patch that you could put on your mom where she can't reach it (or see it, like on her back)?

This is a little off-the-wall, but my neighbor has a cat that wouldn't take medications (like most cats) and her vet suggested a compounding pharmacy. They created a salve that had the medication. She rubbed it in her cat's ears. Not sure if/how that might work with a human, but I would investigate if a patch or some kind of salve or lotion might be workable.
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blannie - what a novel idea! Mother lives on her own in independent living still. The psych nurse who visits her didn't seem to think there was any way to get the meds into her if she didn't want to take them. She refuses to let the ALF manage her meds, and keeps tight control of them herself, so there really is no one who could even do that. But, it is something to keep in mind that might work in the future. It would depend on whether or not the meds would be absorbed through the skin. I don't know if the medical profession here would agree with giving them to her without her knowledge while she still is considered competent. But thanks for the idea - maybe one day... Hope you are having a decent Christmas and that this years is a good one for you.
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Thankyou, well previously we used to give her "Essentia Aura" as directed by a doctor, and the med had a positive effect on her. But then she refused to take her meds and when i tried to convince my mom that it is perfectly alright to add the drops in her food, she refused to do so as she thought that it would be as if we are cheating on her. But thanks to my dad, i think she is now ready to give her medicines secretly, i mean after all its for her good.
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