Logically, I understand death and dying are part of life. I just feel so sad and at times guilty that I'm enjoying my life while my sweet 89-year old momma spends her days in a memory care unit. She is totally aware that she moved to live close to me and lights up with my visits. I try to visit her most days and surprise her with treats and sometimes a glass of wine. She's definitely declining and the caregivers are preparing me for the inevitable. (She's in hospice. ) What kinds of things do you do and think about to help cope with similar feelings?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Thanks so much for all of your thoughtful and helpful recommendations. It's reassuring to know I'm on the right track. I truly believe we all go on to a wonderful place. I had the honor of witnessing my dear daddy let go of my hand as he took God's last November. It's interesting and again reassuring to know it's OK to pray for God's hand. I also try to remind myself of how my mom was with her mom in her final chapter. She was kind, but not with Gramma 24/7 at the nursing home. Finally, I fast-forward to my fin all days...I definitely want to know my children and grandchildren love and care for me, but I certainly don't want them to put their lives on hold to be with me constantly! Thanks for helping me to sort this out.
Helpful Answer (3)

grateful, each person has to go through dying. It is depressing to think that someday it will be our turn. What we can hope is that death is merciful. When it is my turn, I do not want anyone to suffer or mourn me. Maybe just being kind would be good. Then when I'm gone, I don't want Amazing Grace funerals. I want people to have a pizza party in my honor. No weeping and wailing, because I am going to be awe struck on the other side.

You sound like you are the light of your mother's life. Treats and wine -- what nicer things could anyone do? It seems to me that you are bringing as much joy to her as she can understand right now. Don't worry. She will be okay. You will miss her, I know, but I believe she'll just be leaving behind her sick body for something much better on the other side of the door. I often wish I could see what they see without having to die myself. One day I know it will be my turn. I'll have to leave provisions for a pizza party in my will.
Helpful Answer (4)

Think about what your mother wants for you. Would she want your active life to come to a halt because she is no longer able to be active? Would she want you to mope around, feeling guilty?

You love your mother very much. Think about what she would want for you, and give it to her, as best you can.

And guilt? I know that isn't rational so a logic argument may not help much. But it was not your choice that death is everyone's destiny. You did not make up those rules. It is not your fault that Momma has dementia. Guilt is a waste of energy you could be spending on more positive things.

My heart goes out to you. Accept the comfort hospice can offer you.
Helpful Answer (6)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter