I am new here. I have read various articles, posts and comments. They have been helpful.
I am 61. No spouse/children. I have been a caregiver twice in my life. My mother for 13 years and middle brother for a year or two. Both are deceased.
My remaining relative is my older brother, 73. He was living in his house. His wife died 2 years ago and his son in 2020.
He was not taking care of himself. The house was in decline (no hot water, refrigerator and stove not working, not able to do maintenance, mold and electrical issues, pest issues and a dog (my nephew's) he did not want.
Due to covid, I did not visit very much. We spoke several times a week. I asked him if he needed help. Answer, no, I am fine. His decline became more noticeable late summer.
Ordering out all the time, needing bug spray, etc.
I did not realize how bad it was until he was sent to the hospital as he could not breathe.
He had an issue with a weak knee/leg and unable to put weight on it. He was struggling to care for self. Not allowing groceries to be delivered, etc..
Once sent to hospital, I was able to get into the house.
It is not fit for him to return to unless extensive work is done. Just to clean, sanitize and gut house is $3,400.00.
Needs a plumber, electrician, stove/refrigerator before he can return. House is locked up and I cleaned what I could. The dog was given to a no kill shelter for rehoming.
The house is too much for me. Only hoarding professionals can clean that house. He has no savings for this, just SS.
Currently he is in short term rehab for the past 20 days.
Rehab wants to discharge as it does not have Medicaid beds.
He needs more time in rehab than he has been given. He is just being able to bear weight on leg for a brief time, then it gives out on him. He cannot live at his home at this time.
Maybe in a few months but not now. The house is in his deceased wife's name. There is still a large mortgage. Only 5 years equity. He was paying his bills and is capable of understanding and making decisions.
His options as I see them:
1. Go to back home-not good (needs work)
2. Live w/me TEMPORARILY while he gets in home rehab to strengthen the knee. Then search for senior living options (waiting lists for senior housing)
3. Go to a NH that takes Medicaid for more rehab until a senior living arrangement can be made. He is under the limit.
4. Pay co-pay at rehab for 21-100 days under Medicare (this may not be affordable)
Frankly, I do not want to be his caregiver in my home. He was not there for Mom, brother nor me. I have been working on my resentment. He calls when he wants something. I help some but set boundaries. He has lost his support system (sis in law did everything) so I do not want to turn my back on him. I must also take care of self. I have issues too.
Our personalities do not mesh. I wanted to do some work on my house now that I am retired. He comes here, it will not get done. This will be my 3rd go around in caregiving. This would be more difficult because he would be resistant and dismissive.
He could get in here and refuse to move to a place. He can be argumentative. So can I. We do better at a distance.
I have some emergency savings that I was going to use
for work in my house. I also have retirement funds that I had not planned to touch for a while. I do not want to use for this. Even if house is repaired, if he does not care, he will be right where he started and money wasted. I do not have money to waste.
I asked him what does he want to do? He says he wants to be independent. He will be speaking to SW on these issues tomorrow. I have not spoken to SW nor has he asked her to contact me as he makes his decisions.