Is there a list of questions I should ask myself or my family before my mother moves in?

Follow
Share

she is 80, I am 52. She has been living independently, I work full time, my husband is home. She has some health issues--nothing serious at this time.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
7

Answers

Show:
Perseverance gave some exceptional advice. I'd suggest that you read the following article on agingcare.com. It may help.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/preparing-for-a-parent-living-with-you-138793.htm
Take care,
Carol
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You are in for some surprises. A few things to remember TODAY is the best she'll ever be going forward, which means you need to plan for her expected growing needs. Will you hubby be the one to care for her, or will you hire caregivers/family members to do so when you are at work? Is your home prepared for her growing needs? For example, do you have wood floors or carpet? Can she get around in a wheelchair if needed? Is she incontinent? Can she walk up and down stairs? Can she bathe herself? Does she cook anymore?

Have a long term plan for her growing decline. Consider looking into assisted living placed and nursing homes (with her). Consider hiring caregivers through Home Instead as needed. Consider that you will need a holiday - then what? Look into respite services at assisted living places (take a 1, 2, 3 week holiday or more!).

Have good boundaries and pace yourself.

Oh, another idea that is helpful if she watched TV - get wireless earphones for her.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Are you the mother or the daughter? I saw you asked this question from both perspectives -- one writing as the mother, and this one writing as the daughter.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

And I see there is another that asks the question as a person on the outside, asking about the mother moving in with another sibling. What gives?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If she is still mentally capable, sit down with her BEFORE she moves in and lay out your house ground rules and what is expected of her. Discuss what she may and may not do in your home as far as cooking, smoking and letting guests in. How much stuff she will bring into your home and if she will be able to do a chore or two, perhaps folding laundry or something like that. Will she still drive or how she will have some social life of her own. Last but not least how you and your hubs will get a break for privacy from time to time. Will she go to another relative or can someone else come in to supervise. And if she will be making some financial contribution to the household. Write it all down . Since you are 52 and not home all day you don't want to come home to unpleasantness and your hubs need not be a servant all day. Sad to say, but it is a contract to be negotiated BEFORE she walks through the door. And YAY to the wireless headphones a battle every day here, when I can't sleep because the cowboys are riding through the room :)
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Ask yourself what's going to happen if her health does decline, and she needs 24 hour a day care... If your husband is home to help, that's a good thing, but HE might need help down the line himself. Taking on an elderly parent is a huge challenge. Things can change on a dime as far as their health issues and needs are concerned. Your mom could live another 10-15 years, and sooner or later she will need help with every aspect of her life, and someone in your family is going to have to provide it around the clock if it comes to that someday, or you'll have to plan for alternate arrangements. Good luck!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Lots of great suggestions here and I don't have anything to add really except the headphones thing. My dad was hard of hearing and his room was 20 ft down the hall from mine and the first night we were all in the house I realized that it was not going to work because the sound of his tv blasted through the house. He knew it was loud and he felt bed but he couldn't hear it. I went to Radio Shack the next day and bought a pair of headphones with a 6 ft. cord. Problem solved!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.