Will the questions about going home from Assisted Living ever stop? - AgingCare.com

Will the questions about going home from Assisted Living ever stop?


I finally got my cousin settled into AL today. The plan is that she is there for rehab, including getting her medication regulated, physical therapy and nutrition. All of this is true, but she believes she will leave in a month or two and asks about it a lot. Her dementia is significant and she cannot care for herself. There is no way she can live alone. She can't cook, remember she takes meds, doesn't remember her address, etc. She knows she has these memory issues, but she forgets so I have to keep explaining it.

More tests will be necessary to confirm AD, but she appears to be in Stage 5. Will there come a time that she will not remember she wants to go home? How long will the repeated questions lasts? Oh, there is no one for her to go home to and the house is not habitable. Unless there is a miracle and she regains her memory and faculties, she can never leave assisted care.

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My mom doesn't ask about going home, she demands to be flown back to her home state RIGHT NOW.

That isn't possible or adviseable. I just tell her that we can go when the doctor says it's OK, and we'll check again next month. I know the doctor will never say OK. Is it wrong to string her along? Does it matter if it keeps her calmer?

To me, addressing those kinds of questions requires some finesse. Teepa Snow, a fantastic dementia caregiver says those questions aren't to be taken literally. They are really a request to make everything go back to the way it was at some time in the past. Maybe the way it was when they were 30 or 18 or even much younger, when they had some happy memories of times and people who are probably long gone. If you did take them "home", the disruption to schedule and surroundings would be disasterous. Home won't look like home and you will upset them by not taking them to the right home.
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We've asked for anxiety meds. I hope they come in tomorrow. She met someone who knows people from her community today. I hope that helps. I'll take your advice about giving her support. Thanks.
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Reassure her fears, tell her she is safe where she is right now. Her MD can prescribe anxiety meds and sometimes the ALF will assign a "buddy" for her, someone with similar interests who is well adjusted. bring her some of her favorite things from home if you can. A lamp, a mug, some pictures, her favorite throw or pillow. Tell her what a lovely place she is in and commend every gain or progress she makes.
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