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My mother is 95 and has moderate dementia. She has lived with us for 2 years because my parents didn't plan well for retirement and she couldn't afford to stay in senior independent living. Her dementia has progressed some in the last several months but she is still able to do her daily living skills. She can't cook but can make a sandwich or heat something in the microwave. I take her to appointments, do her finances, medicine and manage any of her business. She doesn't get around very well so she's stopped going to church or pretty much any outings.



She has long term care insurance so when she qualifies for assisted living we can tap into that. I'm trying to decide when will be the right time to start looking at her moving into AL. Right now if we moved her she would still be able to go to meals and talk with and be around people. Which I think she would like. If I wait until the dementia is more progressed and its memory care, she will be really sad and I think scared. So I'm struggling with the timing.



I'll admit we would like to move her just to get our normalcy back but I don't want to rush it. Any advice?

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If she moves now, she can be part of the decision of where she goes. If you wait too long and there's a crisis, then she has no ability to choose.

If the "us" in your story is you and a spouse, then your relationship is the priority and not the timing of when you think Mom will be "ready". She's 95, and that's reason enough for it to happen sooner rather than later. The people and activity will be so much better for her than being cloistered in your home.
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Better to move now, for all the reasons you mentioned. You might want to check her long-term care policy to find out if it actually covers assisted living in a facility. Make sure before you move forward.
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AlvaDeer Sep 26, 2023
I absolutely agree.
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Moving sooner rather than later would be easier on her. (Do expect her to decline a bit though)
When looking for a place look at ones that accept Medicaid.
When the Long Term Care Insurance is running out begin the application for Medicaid. Many places what a person Private Pay for a time, usually 2 to 3 years, before Medicaid.
My logic is take advantage of the LTC policy now, you never know what might happen in 6 months or a year, She may have a Stroke, Heart attack, fall that would possibly kill her or the move would be to Skilled Nursing. (sorry if that was a bit direct)
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Anyone can go to an AL. There were people where Mom was that still drove. Some people go because they want to downsize. They like having 3 meals a day. They need some assistance. Mom could have gone in an AL before her dementia.
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Okie32 Sep 26, 2023
Actually she couldn’t because she didn’t have the money and wouldn’t have qualifies for her long term care insurance. But now with the dementia I think she might be able to qualify.
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I think moving her sooner rather than later would be better. It would likely be easier for her to adjust, and who knows, she might even make some friends. And the staff will have time to get to know her, as well, before the dementia progresses.

My mom is in a graduated - care facility, and sometimes I see people from the independent living coming to visit and have lunch with a friend now in the MC. It’s nice to see some connections are kept.

Wishing you the best in this tough time…
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O9h our AL facilities near us here in TX are fantastic! My Mom would love the care, food, socialization, fishing and daily happy hour! I wish we could put her in one of them. She would have a blast.
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I would read the policy and see what triggers the use of it, etc. Then get in touch with them to start the process, if it's time. If mom is not formally diagnosed with dementia, you may need to take her to the doctor to do that if that's one of the things her LTC policy covers.

AL would be a great place for her. My mom is in one with moderate dementia. It was nice for her to get there before she gets too bad so that she could find her way to the dining room and to bingo.

Do you have POA?
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