I have been taking care of my mom who will turn 95 next month for 5+ years. After my dad passed, it was evident that my mom could not take care of herself or needs any longer so I moved her in with me. I have siblings but none of them were willing to take her in or help out. I am retired but run a small ranch and also have a 2nd home that my daughter and 2 grandchildren live in. I also play a big role in my grandchildren's lives because my daughter works full time and commutes an hour each direction to work.
My mom recently has become very demanding, critical and angry. I can't seem to please her no matter how hard I try. I forgot to mention that I am single so I don't have anyone to help with the day to day chores, care giving, etc. My siblings do not call or visit my mom, they are too busy. I do have a care giver that comes twice a week for approx. 6 hours so that is some relief. But I use this time to do shopping for myself, my mom and the home. We live in a small town so in order for me to do all of the shopping, I have a 45 minute drive each way. Knowing I only have a "window" of time, it is stressful to get everything done and get home. I guess I am just tired, stressed out and frustrated because everything I do and every decision I make is wrong in my mom's eyes.
But I think my biggest concern is my mom's abusive behavior. She actually caught me off guard once and hit me. Today she lashed out at my 11 year old granddaughter about her minor weight issue. She was so cruel that my granddaughter was in tears and it took me some time to calm her down. I tried to explain to my mom that my granddaughter was trying to work on her weight problem but then she became even more outraged and started verbally abusing me. She tried to come at me again so I took my granddaughter and left the room.
My mom then went to her room and closed the door. I tried to calmly talk to her again after a few hours hoping that she would have calmed down but she started yelling again so I have left her alone since. My mom was always the sweetest, most loving woman so it is really hard to see her like this and I'm not sure what I should do. I am going to contact her doctor tomorrow in hopes that he can help but for right now, I feel very lost and defeated.
I would pretend to call 911 to report her and then she would clean up the mess she made
She is now on a small dose of seroquel for her agitation but she will fight if she feels threatened -
If your community is small you may have trouble finding a geriatric specialist but your mom may need some medication -a neurologist can help
You've done a great job for 5 years and she's 95!
Don't be reluctant to call 911 if it comes to that.
If there's no infection, you're going to get her an appointment with a geriatric psychiatrist, because she may be dealing with depression and anxiety.
Your very clear priority is to protect your grandchildren from verbal andvphysical abuse. Don't let mom's doctor pooh-pooh her symptoms. You need help--now!
If mom tries to hit you again, I'd call 911 and have her taken to the ER for an exam.