We hired a CNA from the nursing home my grandfather was in to provide live-in care. It was a horrible experience. My father and uncles have POA so my hands were tied.
My dad wanted to hire backup to make sure she got proper amounts of time off but she refused. I was going to do it if she liked it or not because I felt she needed to have proper time off for her own mental health.
I was looking for someone but quickly she wanted unplanned time off with as little as one hours notice. Then she would never return on time. One time she was seven hours late but his POA's wouldn't listen to me. Hiring help was pretty much out of the question because she refused scheduled time off.
Then I noticed she wouldn't allow him in bed by lifting his hospital bed to the ceiling. He had no bed sores but has sun downers. He may sleep a total of 30 minutes a day. So, I started staying the night against her wishes because I felt she needed the proper amount of sleep. This did not make her happy.
He was able to be semi independent but we just wanted someone there in case he fell, had an accident in his pants, cooking for him and making sure he got his meds.
I then noticed his freezer was empty and nearly all food in the house was for her and her boyfriend. I forgot to mention we did allow her to bring her boyfriend. They used the downstairs as an apartment and we had cameras setup so she could watch him from her phone if she was downstairs or outside.
Eventually, she took over another bedroom by installing a lock that uses a key. So, if I were to spend the night I had to sleep on the couch. Now she has her own living area and three bedrooms. She would not allow me to use the spare bathroom because it was downstairs. My grandfather spends a lot of time in the bathroom so I sat with him during her last minute time off days and would go eight hours not being able to pee. My grandfather has paranoia about the bathroom and would scream and yell if you used his bathroom.
Then I found out that she was sitting him on the toilet, taking his walker away and shutting the door, leaving him there for up to an hour.
She started using the camera system when she was out of the house and eavesdropped on family visits with the camera system, told us we needed to schedule time with him and kept a log on us like date and time notes etc.
Again I told his POA's there is a huge and urgent situation and they said she's the expert not me.
He eats about three bites during meals but was spending between 500 and 600 a month but there was no food for him. She just gave him ensure instead of the healthy snacks he enjoys. The VA pays for his ensure. His sons would put that money on a visa prepaid for his needs only but she was always calling me to go pick things up at the store here and there. That money was only intended for groceries and stuff like garbage bags and cleaning supplies.
Then another big blow. She wrote out her budget on a piece of paper and it was on the floor next to the trash. Weed was in her budget then people would stop by against her wishes and said they were smelling pot. He lost 22 pounds in two months.
We decided to put rules better spelled out into a contract she would need to sign. His POA's gave me permission. I'm not his POA but I would have fired her if it were me.
She refused because I was going to start grocery shopping and sitting with her to meal plan. She then quit giving us three hours notice. Her grandmother stopped by my parents and pushed her way past me and started screaming at us and accused us of neglecting grandpa because we didn't do very good Christmas eve at cleaning him when he pooped. Mind you this is because we wanted to hire a professional, which we are not, but couldn't see putting someone in that situation.
She was stealing approximately $400 per month.
Was I over reacting? I'm now providing care along with my father but need to know if I was being ridiculous. So confused.