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We hired a CNA from the nursing home my grandfather was in to provide live-in care. It was a horrible experience. My father and uncles have POA so my hands were tied.


My dad wanted to hire backup to make sure she got proper amounts of time off but she refused. I was going to do it if she liked it or not because I felt she needed to have proper time off for her own mental health.


I was looking for someone but quickly she wanted unplanned time off with as little as one hours notice. Then she would never return on time. One time she was seven hours late but his POA's wouldn't listen to me. Hiring help was pretty much out of the question because she refused scheduled time off.


Then I noticed she wouldn't allow him in bed by lifting his hospital bed to the ceiling. He had no bed sores but has sun downers. He may sleep a total of 30 minutes a day. So, I started staying the night against her wishes because I felt she needed the proper amount of sleep. This did not make her happy.


He was able to be semi independent but we just wanted someone there in case he fell, had an accident in his pants, cooking for him and making sure he got his meds.


I then noticed his freezer was empty and nearly all food in the house was for her and her boyfriend. I forgot to mention we did allow her to bring her boyfriend. They used the downstairs as an apartment and we had cameras setup so she could watch him from her phone if she was downstairs or outside.


Eventually, she took over another bedroom by installing a lock that uses a key. So, if I were to spend the night I had to sleep on the couch. Now she has her own living area and three bedrooms. She would not allow me to use the spare bathroom because it was downstairs. My grandfather spends a lot of time in the bathroom so I sat with him during her last minute time off days and would go eight hours not being able to pee. My grandfather has paranoia about the bathroom and would scream and yell if you used his bathroom.


Then I found out that she was sitting him on the toilet, taking his walker away and shutting the door, leaving him there for up to an hour.


She started using the camera system when she was out of the house and eavesdropped on family visits with the camera system, told us we needed to schedule time with him and kept a log on us like date and time notes etc.


Again I told his POA's there is a huge and urgent situation and they said she's the expert not me.


He eats about three bites during meals but was spending between 500 and 600 a month but there was no food for him. She just gave him ensure instead of the healthy snacks he enjoys. The VA pays for his ensure. His sons would put that money on a visa prepaid for his needs only but she was always calling me to go pick things up at the store here and there. That money was only intended for groceries and stuff like garbage bags and cleaning supplies.


Then another big blow. She wrote out her budget on a piece of paper and it was on the floor next to the trash. Weed was in her budget then people would stop by against her wishes and said they were smelling pot. He lost 22 pounds in two months.


We decided to put rules better spelled out into a contract she would need to sign. His POA's gave me permission. I'm not his POA but I would have fired her if it were me.


She refused because I was going to start grocery shopping and sitting with her to meal plan. She then quit giving us three hours notice. Her grandmother stopped by my parents and pushed her way past me and started screaming at us and accused us of neglecting grandpa because we didn't do very good Christmas eve at cleaning him when he pooped. Mind you this is because we wanted to hire a professional, which we are not, but couldn't see putting someone in that situation.


She was stealing approximately $400 per month.


Was I over reacting? I'm now providing care along with my father but need to know if I was being ridiculous. So confused.

I think I would have a talk with the friends. She can't be allowed to kill someone else because of a friendship.

If it was my granddaughter that did that to my friend, I would help have her prosecuted. She would have let him die while she was getting high and playing house.

If it makes them mad, they can move their horses and buy hay. I know it's hard, but unacceptable, inappropriate dangerous behavior can not be ignored. What about the next victim? What if they don't have family, only money?

Are there multiple cousins, grandchildren that can help keep grandpa in his home? He obviously doesn't need much care. Just good food to regain some weight.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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When I said I wouldn't allow another person living in my home I meant BFs or family of the aide. There are many posts on this forum where the aide took over. Brainwashed the client into thinking their families were the bad guys.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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No, you didn't over react. And maybe if Dad was on the scene more often he would have seen what was going on. A locked door and taking over the house would have been a big alert. I would have never allowed other people to live in the home. There was a post a while back where the aide thought she was entitled to live in the house after the client died. Poster ended up calling her bluff and the person left.

Did the NH recommend this person? Were they aware she was leaving to care for one of their former patients? I would speak with the Administrator of the NH and outline what this aide did so they don't rehire her. This person should be black balled from working in another facility.

To be honest, your Dad was correct in having another aide or even two. This aide could come back and say you were using her as slave labor. To be honest, if GP can afford a live in aide or two a nice AL maybe the answer. You don't have to worry about an aide quitting on you.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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What a nightmare! While it was probably difficult to have her leave so abruptly, you're all so much better off without her "help".
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Reply to againx100
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No you were not overreacting, perhaps a little lax in my opinion. No employee would ever dictate my actions more than once.

I don't think you need to be POA to file elder abuse or financial exploitation of a vulnerable senior charges. Stealing 400.00 a month is a punishable crime, not to mention illegal drugs while caregiving, putting the patient at risk. 22# in 2 months is negligent treatment. I would pursue this until she was in jail.

She needs to be stopped, contact her previous employer, I'm pretty sure that she violated her employment contract by becoming his caregiver on leaving the facility.

I would file charges with the police and get that camera changed before you talk about anything in the house, change locks and perhaps get an alarm system, she sounds whacked enough to be a potential danger.
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Gmadden Jan 20, 2019
We did call the police but they were up and gone before the police arrived. They checked out the house to see if any drugs were left behind. Come to find out Granpa could have been charged if they would have been busted.

All camera passwords were changed immediately. We found out a few weeks ago the caregiver was fired from the NH they day before we brought him home. That told us she wasn't going to give them notice either. We weren't aware and the thing that makes it worse is she's my grandpa's friends granddaughter. Her family keep their horses on grandpa's farm and we allow them to cut hay off the property.

When I was ten my parents bought land off my grandparents so they had been a part of my everyday life growing up. That's why I'm more active with him than even some of his own kids.

We live in a rural area and care options are limited. I do overnight shifts and dad does days for now. We are worried he is going to run out of money and he will lose his farm which will kill him. He cant afford shifts. The room and board was part of the last caregivers pay so that helped.
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Gmadden, time for your Dad and his brothers to band togehter to tell the live-in caregiver that this isn't working out, and that the family is planning on hiring from an Agency to have 3 shifts a day at the house. Agency night shift caregiver do stay awake through-out the night. The current caregiver is being given 2 weeks notice.

I think it was great that your Dad and Uncles were looking out for the caregiver's best interest, but sadly it sounded like she is now taking advantage of the kind gestures.

I hope there won't be any major issues, like the caregiver refusing to go. The POA could pay for her first month's rent as an incentive for her to leave.

My Dad had hired caregivers for the same reason the caregiver was hired for your Grandfather. What was great, Dad could pick the caregivers he wanted on a regular schedule. Those caregivers were with him for over a year. He could easily call the Agency saying he rather have someone else, "it wasn't a good match".

Mine you, having 3 shifts of caregivers can be very expensive, but an Agency is licensed, bonded, insured, and has workman's comp. And they do the payroll and payroll taxes. If a caregiver is hired outside of an Agency, Grandpa would need to add a workman's comp rider to his home owners insurance just in case a caregiver got hurt.

Eventually my Dad moved to Independent Living where it was much less expensive then having 3 shifts of caregivers. He did budget for a morning shift just to give him a routine using his favorite caregivers. If Dad fell, he would use the medical alert the rest of the day. Dad loved the place, and being around people of his own generation. When he needed more care, he moved to the facility's Assisted Living.
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Isthisrealyreal Jan 20, 2019
Caregiver quit and was gone in 3 hours.
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