For my mental and physical health I left after two years of helping my 91 year old mother. None of my three siblings (the older two are her darlings) would help (younger one smartly estranged himself from family decades ago).
The two years were years I lost income since I was her free 24/7 slave - her house was a hoarding disaster, I got it in shape with much hard physical labor & had it sold, spent ages taking her to every senior living place within 80 miles, etc.
She's always been emotionally abusive to me and was horrible to me when I was there (accusing me of theft, wanting to kill her - things that were beyond painful to me as I've been the only one there for her for my whole life, including being her human shield against my father's (long deceased) blows meant for her.
My question to you is: how do I deal with the devastation I feel from her throwing me away since I left? She ignores my birthdays, holidays, or even any contact though I send her cards and occasional emails that she ignores. Meanwhile, I see from the USPS (I get email alerts because my mail went to her old address - that will end soon as she says she's moving but she won't tell me where - though I'm her POA, executor etc) that she is showering her rich grandchildren and loved children and their spouses with gifts, while she knows I have nothing and no one.
It's not about the stuff, I've been poor all my life and I don't care about material things - it's the pain of being not valued by her - hopefully some of you will know what I'm talking about: wanting her to love me as she does them. She's erased me from her life because I left. I tried to explain that I needed to get my life on track (I'm long time involuntarily unemployed, divorced, moved around a lot in childhood and adulthood and was in abusive marriage so have no friends or state I consider home). I just feel so hurt from giving her a lifetime of myself which wasn't enough. Now she couldn't care whether I'm alive or dead. I went to two shrinks - they didn't understand mothers who don't love their children so I stopped going as having to prove all she did/does to me got tiring.
I post this as I often see the (good) advice telling caregivers to leave to save their health and sanity. Leaving surely did save mine (I was close to suicidal when I left), but now how do I deal with her completely throwing me away? The only time she responds in emails is to tell me how horrible I am. I know I can't have a relationship with her or her love, but how do I feel I have any value when she's thrown me away? Thanks.