Quality of life?

I struggle with this as well. I know my mom is not happy and not doing much due to her dementia. But she wasn't happy at my house and I'm rather resigned to the fact that that's just how it's going to be. But I do feel bad.

Maybe you can have her do some simple things that she can do while in bed or sitting down. Can she knit? Would she do anything with art? How about writing? She might still be able to do some community activities as well if she is assisted into a wheelchair. I think having a player with music is a great idea, hey why not karoake? I know it came seem like there is no quality of life left, but is she unhappy with how things are? I have heard this idea, if you have a lot of old photos around you can try scrapbooking and record your mother talking about the photos as a sort of virtual scrapbook.

For us, that's no quality of life. For them, it may be.

My dad had dementia and died of cancer. He loved to go for a walk in the neighborhood as he had before he got sick. It took three of us to walk him, but the look on this face as he gazed up with wonder at the sky through the leaves of the overhanging branches - well, it was worth it. The walk was such a simple thing that he used to do by himself, but it still brought him joy.

As a caregiver for my husband, what brings me joy every day is being able to sit down and put my feet up for a while. I used to do ballroom dancing and physically still could, but I no longer have a partner. That's fine, as long as I can rest my formerly happy feet at least once a day!

Don't think of their lives in terms of what you think they should be doing. They may have some other idea about what makes a good quality of life.

My parents are in a NH and have no quality of life either. I guess what keeps them
going is each other. I visit often and bring them treats they always enjoyed from the neighborhood eateries.

I really don’t much care about their level of participation in any activities. That’s on them to figure out.

Bring her treats she likes to eat. Bring her a fidget blanket or other things to do for Alzheimer's patients from Amazon. Bring music she likes to listen to. Read her a story.

Why is it this home has nothing at all going on for the residents yo do besides watching TV? They CAN play bingo, do simple arts and crafts, sewing cards, games, kick the balloon or toss the balloon......there are many activities they can and should be doing, even if it's folding towels! I'd be complaining to whoever runs this place, if it were me.

Maybe she’s content with her “quality of life” How can others truly know? My mother lived what can only be described as a nightmare of stroke damage, in a nursing home, a two person assist for every move, unable to sit up unassisted, to roll over, lost speaking over time, and couldn’t eat over time. Yet she loved visiting her home, clapped when watching her grandchildren at ballet or baseball, laughed at the jokes I always told her. There were moments of joy she managed to find in a dismal situation. I learned it wasn’t for me to judge the quality of life for another. I believe in a creator who has a number of days for each of us, and I have to be at peace with that. Many times, I just held my mom’s hand. I’d bet your mother would enjoy that too.

When People get old and frail watching TV and speaking with other residents May bring them Joy . I Know even when My Mom was at the end she still had her sense and humor and we would watch TV Together . I would Bring her Orchids or food . Show her photos of My son and children. Got her a cell phone to call people . It sounds Like you need to speak with someone about how you are feeling . I would go to therapy often after Visiting My Mom in the NH .

What we can do for them is to allow them to have this world of theirs, and help them by visiting and listening.
What we can do for ourselves is another question.

As an RN it was a Priest who taught this atheist not to judge what was best for my patient.

This Priest was exceptionally ill, bedbound and in hospital care with infected decubiti that were so horrific that all RNs doing dressings went with a companion nurse to help.
One day, after the dressing change, I stood outside his door crying with my fellow nurse, saying "He's a PRIEST! WHERE is his GOD. Why doesn't he take him! HOW can he let him suffer this!"
And as we stand there I see his light go on over our head and I lean in asking him "What do you need Father", and here's what he said:

"I might go to sleep from the pain med. Could you wake me at 9 p.m. if I am asleep"?
And I said "Sure! But if the meds are working, WHY?"
"Oh, he laughed "9 p.m. is when Quincy comes on".

Now you may not know who that is, likely, but was a show about a Coroner. A mystery on weekly.
And for Father, that was enough to live for. Quincy at 9 p.m.

Not for us to judge, I think, or decide for another what life is worth living.
And for some, life DOES become too hard.
But for others it's enough to see one more time the lovely color coffee goes when poured over cream.

Bring all the joy you can, and take heart. I just said to another OP that it's a mystery. And it is.

It is very hard to see that happening.
My husband with Parkinson’s disease, no dementia but mobility decreases and other factors, conditions, symptoms appear, (too long to list them all), but his quality of life is definitely diminishing.
Hopefully with some new treatments he will get better for a while but as it happens with progressive diseases it will only get worse and other issues co- morbidity will almost certainly happen, if not already happening.
However, as he always enjoyed and was totally absorbed in many intellectual pursuits and does have tremendous interest in those I would not say his quality of life is completely gone, rather still hoping his motor skills will improve so he can begin exercises again and have more socializing.

Nothing much you can do.

Is she bothered by this or are you bothered by this or both?