Anyone putting your parent with dementia in front of the television for hours at a time?

Check youtube for seniors with dementia - may be some good programming geared towards their situation.

How about a day program? My mom attends a wonderful Memory program every day. They feed them, have music, arts and crafts, different visitors, just everything you can think of. some programs even have bus service, or Paratransit (a part of the public bus system) can pick her up and return her. This will give you time to do your work and your mom will be able to visit with people. It's been a life saver for us. If you live in or near Rocklin, California the place is called Daycation For Seniors.

Thank you all so much for your answers - there are many useful suggestions in what you say, and many funny and poignant remarks. It’s so great to have this group online to share the burden...

You might check into Adult Day Care....and DEFINITELY invest in headphones for her so you don't have to listen!! Saved my marriage....literally!!

Tv is a connection to the world and people actually. My dad was content watching TV and reading his newspaper and magazines. I wished he’d do some exercise. But nope...he said he was going to do what he wanted to do. And you know what....I let go of that battle and felt a weight lifted. It’s not hurting anything. You can let that guilt go bye bye. You are working...so don’t feel obligated. You’re making it your problem when she doesn’t see a problem. Life simplifies for people as they get older.

Looking bat it from my dad’s perspective (94 in AL), when I drop in on him, he’s fiddling with notebook paper with a news station on (repeats the same news every 30 min). Yet, he has no idea what’s going on in the world. He’s got some dementia, but is also sometimes with it. So, I’d say let her do whatever she does to make her happy.

I work from home as well(as an architect), but we have a caregiver that attends to the MIL needs. Unfortunately, I wish she could watch TV and be calm! She is at the end stages of Dementia/Alzheimer's (double whammy)(lucky me!) She is very aggressive and physically acts out, that I have to stop my work to referee! She hits, curses, screams, throws things at the caregiver and me. She stays with me for two weeks and then goes to her daughter for months at a time. I feel bad for my SIL, so I help by taking the MIL. I am at MY LAST STRAW! I can't get work done, and I am becoming Hypertensive because of MIL. I feel like that guy getting interviewed by the BBC as his toddler and baby stroll in with the walker. I have to lock my office door so she doesn't distract me from my work. When she is in my house I feel like I got hit with a trifecta of a Tsunami, Hurricane & Tornado!
DON'T FEEL BAD! They are at a stage were they need easy and simple. If she is happy, then you will be happy. Count your blessings and be grateful. What good are you to her if you can't earn money to support the two of you. Take advantage and when you take a break sit and drink a tea and have a mini cake with her. I am sure she will love that.

I am the only caregiver for my husband, age 77. He has late onset Alzheimer's with vascular disease. He too spends the biggest part of each day in front of our TV, also sleeps through most shows. We always record favorite shows and he can watch them as often as he likes. Sometimes he needs help on which button to use on the remote. When I get caught up with my honey dos or just need a break, we will watch a show together. Right now he is able to get up to use the bathroom with little help, but also has complete bladder incontinence, so I have to help change his pads or pull ups. Most nights he is up at least once during the night and some nights two or three times. He does use a walker and we still are able to enjoy attending church and going out to eat from time to time. He was diagnosed two years ago but had been seeing a neurologist for a few years prior. When he kept telling him that his memory was fine, I finally told the dr. the events that had been happening from time to time that was very unlike him. I insisted tests be done to let me know just what was going on. At that time, the four hour neuro psychological tests (for 4 hours) was done, followed up with a CT scan. That is when he was finally diagnosed. I can't say it's been an easy road, but we just take one day at a time and I thank God that I am able to care for him. I do attend support meetings and he goes with me and enjoys visiting and having a snack with the other "friends." That gives me an hour without him to recharge. The test also showed that the left side of his brain is more damaged than the right, and that he obviously has had several mini strokes that neither of us were aware of.

My mother has an 800sf apartment with 3 Tvs in it. All of them are on, all day. She has a puzzle set up, and her recliner. She's always had a TV addiction and now she mostly spends her days watching TV or working puzzles or watching the neighbors from her front window. She's happy enough. I don't know what I will do in my dotage, as I don't watch TV at all.

She does go to Bingo for a hour two days a week and out to the grocery store one day. That's it for the week, unless somebody comes by. I don't think the TV thing is a big deal. If it's not ALL they're doing....wish we could mom out to walk a little more, go more places, but she's not interested.

You could also consider a few hours of day care a couple days a week. My grandmother finds comfort/routine in sitting in front of the tv for most of the day also, but eventually gets antsy to go somewhere (she just always thinks we need to be going and hurrying up to get wherever we’re supposed to go, haha) so I got her involved in a dementia day program that goes MWF 1030am-230pm. Makes me feel better that she is getting brain exercise from the activities they run over there.

You have nothing to feel guilty about. I'm sure if watching TV was not enjoyable or relaxing she would let you know in some way if she couldn't express it verbally.
My mother used to be quite critical of friends who in retirement watched soaps and game shows so I don't put those on. But we watch a lot of HGTV home remodeling shows which gives us something to talk about during commercials.
Of course TVLand is a godsend for old sitcoms which I also use to get through any early evening crabbiness.
I know the day will come when TV won't make sense and probably become irritating to my mom, so I figure - use it while I can and be grateful for the little respite it gives us. No guilt!!

The key point in the original post is that mother "seems to be having fun." Your observation that you might be projecting your own feelings is probably correct. Therefore, do try to give yourself a break.

In January, amid a long, cold winter, I got that awful respiratory flu that was going around. Once I passed the point of feeling I might die, I spent days on the sofa watching TV. It was oddly comforting and enjoyable.

My mom is 92 and has great trouble walking. This week she will attend church and go to a Mother's Day brunch with me. The rest of the time will be spent in her apartment, in her favorite chair, watching programs on her iPad. Sounds boring to you and me, but she is content.  Little goes on in her life that provides interesting topics for conversation.  So she tells me storylines from her favorite shows; she talks about characters as if they are friends. I bet she is even looking forward to the royal wedding.  TV has its place.

Try to take a break now & then for tea/coffee/juice & a cookie with her even if that extends your workday a bit - you both can use a break but only on commercials if she is truly into what she is watching

Don't fret too much about the TV because when you break it down there are people, places etc that she can't get to now but might have been in the past that will trigger old memories for her - other programmes can stimulate the mind with puzzles to complete or questions to answer - if you can it afford & she can follow it, why not get a channel like National Geographic or such that would take her to new experiences - TV isn't just a 'babysitter' it can be a learning experience too if the right programmes are picked & don't forget the news ... she might be more up on some things than you this way but this could also give you new topics to talk about when you are together

I wish my mother would watch more TV. The only TV she seems to watch is Fox News. I suggested getting her a DVD player, and she could watch so many great series from the library. But she said she wouldn't know how to operate the DVD player.

She spends all her time fretting and fussing about this or that. She's on a mission about her B6 toxicity (which never happened), which she blames on a multivitamin. She's contacted the FDA, the NIH, the state medical society, the local medical school. The FDA is now ignoring her calls, so she's contacted one of our senators.

She's losing papers, misfiling things, and I don't think can even concentrate enough to read a book anymore. So sitting and watching some TV would probably relax her.

Got to tell you about a friend and his MIL.

MIL was living with him and wife when wife died. He ran his own business. He would get his MIL up, dressed and fed. He would put her in her recliner with a phone, remote, something to drink and snacks. He would go to work and come back for lunch and dinner. She had no Dementia and seemed happy with the situation.

By the time my Mom came to live with me she was no longer to do any of her previous activities. She couldn't use a TV controller or a phone. She could read but not follow a book. I would put on a station that played old shows. Sunday I streamed her Church's service. Going to Church had become overwhelming. I am retired. I could not spend all day in her room with her watching TV. I am not a day TV watcher. She could no longer carry on a conversation. She would spend the evening with us. Dinner and then sitting and watching TV until her bedtime.

My mil has the tv on always until she unplugs it, turns it to the wrong station, or poors water into the cable box? Or just plain poops in it. Yes, I have guilt and REGRETS.

You work from home? Lucky you :} Is there someway your mom could be able to do something for you, even from her wheelchair? Sitting in front of the tv for hours on end can get boring sometimes.

That’s what my mother does on her own choosing. She has the tv on 24/7. Lots of crazy news. But that’s what she likes. Good for you that you can work from home and be there for your mom. Sounds like you’re doing a great job! I hope your mother appreciates you. Hugs:)

I didn't realize, till long after I started staying with my mom, that watching TV and sleeping was pretty much what she did all day anyway.  She used to paint, but she lost interest in that about 10 or more years ago - long, long before I started caring for her.

I am actually really grateful for that little feature on Netflix that starts the next show without me needing to babysit the remote control, because she can no longer work it on her own! But basically, all I added to mom's established routine was to teach her about binge-watching.....

Currently my mom is crushing on the guy from Murdoch Mysteries (I think it's called The Artful Detective in the US), and enjoying every minute he is on screen.  HE'S MY AGE.  I don't even want to know these things.

Well I want you all to know how much I appreciate your comments and your encouragement. It makes me feel much better. The truth is she does seem to really enjoy watching TV so you’re right, black hole it’s probably me just projecting how much it would bother me onto my mom. Thank you so much for the suggestions rocketJcat - Mom used to really enjoy puzzles and playing solataire, Etc. however now her brain just can’t handle them. So it’s Doc Martin, Golden Girls, Seinfeld and Frasier. I can no longer have Doc Martin on - If she wants to watch it I have to put her in our bedroom - I used to really like it but she watched it every day for about a year and a half and I can no longer take it. My favorite that she watches is Frasier-it grows on you and the writing is very good. Occasionally she will enjoy a nature show. We have to be careful What we watch at dinner time because after sundown she starts to internalize what’s on TV – the other night we were watching a show about the German occupation of the Channel Islands during World War II and when I put her to bed she was very worried about being camouflaged so the Germans wouldn’t find her. I want to thank all of you dear people for your comments and your encouragement. Thank you all so much. Wiggie...

Wiggie, when my Dad was in his 90's, still living in his house, he sat in front of the TV watching local 24-hour news. Dad did have caregivers that he could talk with but he still had that TV on :)

Eventually Dad moved to Independent Living facility to be around people of his own generation. Guess what? Dad preferred to sit in front of the TV watching 24-hour local news.... [sigh].

No worries, Wiggie. You need to work for a living. Mother cannot live alone. This is the compromise.

Sounds like your mother is content. That’s a good thing.

We hate to see our parents get so dull. Typically, the shutting down bothers us “with-it kids” more than it bothers our elders. We get stuck on how much WE would hate that lack of stimulation RIGHT NOW. It’s just the age difference talking.

Good luck to you. If Mom’s care needs advance and you are unsure of the best resolution, sift around AC Forum some more. Lots of options have been discussed — for all budgets and all temperaments!

We don’t “put” my FIL in front of the TV, but he goes there anyway because that’s where he’s happiest. When my MIL isn’t at dialysis, she’s on the couch with him — TV on full blast. We’ve tried to get them involved in other activities, but they just aren’t interested. So they sit.

Would your Mom enjoy putting together jigsaw puzzles, crosswords, other word games from a puzzle book for the elderly. Or even solitaire with cards or on a laptop? Mom used to enjoy these mind challenges and would play solitaire on her computer until she was 90 as it was simple enough even with her dementia.

Thank you, I appreciate your comment. I really don’t want other people coming into the house while I’m working though, we have someone who comes for an hour in the morning in an hour in the evening and I find that intrusive enough even though they are a great help. Our house isn’t that big and it’s just such a distraction having anyone else here while I’m working . But I appreciate your comment that I should not feel so guilty.....

Isolation is one of the negatives of home care but don't feel guilty for not sitting with her more, you have your own needs too. There are many caregivers who are frustrated that their loved ones spend the day watching TV or looking out the window and even though they try to get them involved in other things they resist because they are content. If you want more for your mom you could look into alternatives - you might try volunteer companions available through church or caregiver support groups or activities at a local senior centre or adult day care.