Can I put my wife in a nursing home against her will? I am her only caretaker and I do not do a very good job of it. I am resentful after 4 years of being the only one. Her son comes to get money, grandsons maybe call once in a while. No visitors come, everyone is afraid they may have to help with something. I am exhausted. Had PT and nurse and bather for about 4 weeks but insurance run out on them. Now have a homemaker 2 hours a day 5 days a week. She lays in her diaper all day with no changes. She is unable to even sit up on her own let alone get up to use commode. lays there 24 7 flat on her back, even to eat and drink which makes quite a mess, has no desire to sit up. Dementia is setting in, tried to eat with the phone as a fork, forgets how to even use the phone, She watches cars go by the house all day long but has to ask me if there is a road in front of the house and what the cross street is and about the stop light. There is no cross street and no stop light. Many things like that happening daily. Trying to get her on medicaid, i think they pay for nursing homes, hope so cause i can't. Do I need to get POA and a living will now or what? she is 72 im 62, i can't lift her anymore, tore ligimates in shoulder doing that, even to sit her up i can't hold her up, she leans backwards, refuses to lean forward to sit up. Therapy gave up on her said they can do nothing, her legs are constricted with muscles drawing up. bad knees, leukemia (lgl)type, arthritis and buldging discs in spine, fibromyalgia, diabetic, on coumadin for which i have no way to monitor at this time, dr working on that, needs to be done weekly. So she is totally imobile as far as walking, cant even stand up. Depression has really set in on me and I don't know what to do. Anyone suggestions please. on AgingCare.com:
The circumstances you both face sound tragic and daunting. One suggestion would be that the doctor order a hospital bed for her. Medicare will pay for that and the bed can be elevated to a sitting position. The doctor should also require the best mattress to help eliminate pressure sores.
With the care your wife gets, it's certainly possible that she has a urinary track infection due to hygiene issues. She may also be dehydrated. Her confusion could be a result of that and not dementia. Does her doctor truly understand the conditions she lives under?
I can understand that your are exhausted and depressed, but you need some professional guidance in how to get your wife better care. If you haven't done so, you need to have a serious heart to heart talk with her doctor and you should talk to your Area on Aging office to see what can be done to bring in additional help. Depending on your income, sometimes this can be done for pennies on the dollar.
With all her medical issues, would she qualify for Hospice care? Yes, Medicaid does pay for nursing home placement.
Another question is would your wife agree to give you POA and is she of sound mind to do so.
I have been my husband's caregiver for almost 9 years now. He is not bedbound and is more physically functional than your wife, so I am lucky that way. He has dementia, however. He too does not want to ever be in a nursing home, but we have discussed it several times in his most coherent times and I have promised him I will always see that he has the best care he can have, and I've also said the time may come when I can't give him the best care at home. That will be very sad, but the disease itself is very sad. We all have to do the best we can.
It doesn't sound like your wife is on Medicaid yet. Applying for that is a time-consuming process, especially fr married people, so I suggest you start that process as soon as possible.
Best wishes to you in this very difficult situation.
I sure wish the poster would come back and update us then. Since this was 3.5 years ago, I sure do wonder what happened with this husband's wife and his situation.
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