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I have 3 other siblings. Two are too selfish to help my ailing 82 year old mom. My mom and my developentally disabled 60 year old sister live together. No one drives. I suffer from Major depression, see a psychiatrist and therapist and take about 8 medications myself. I am the only one that takes my mother and sister to the grocery store, doctor's office, haircuts etc. I do not have a lot of money. My mother and sister combined have more money than my husband put together. I have to push myself to get out of bed, drive over 20 miles to get to my moms house, drive them around and then drive back home. I know my mother feels she is broke and my mom has taken care of my sister all her life. Even my mother's doctor said she will need to go into a nursing home soon. I am at my breaking point and can no longer do this. I help them in every way I can and it is not good enough. Somehow I feel that my mother expects this from as my husband and I do have a nicer home then they do. I haven't worked for four years and just get by. I feel we're supporting my mom and sister and our own home. It is too much pressure for me. My mother's doctor told me that my mother's health is declining and she is showing signs of dementia. Any suggestions?

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I might consider how reasonable it is to take on caring for your mother who is in poor health and getting dementia and your adult sister who is disabled. Even for a young person who has has no health problems, this would be very challenging. If your mother was thinking clearly, she might see that it's not feasible. Plus, you have no help. I'd look into the options as the posters above have stated.

Is your adult sister who lives with your mom on disability? Does she receive Medicaid? If so, then I would discuss the options with her case worker. Does she have a Guardian by the court?

Do you have Durable Power of Attorney, Healthcare POA, for your mother? Can she still sign one? Are you able to take on that responsibility? It's very stressful to be in charge of making decision about her care. I would think that finding out what type of place your mom needs now is a good idea. I wouldn't wait until she is not able to care for herself and becomes uncooperative.
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Soon is rather vague. The other question is whether she will go willingly. Take her for a tour and free lunch at a nice Assisted Living. Maybe two or three of them. Hopefully she will find one she likes.
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It's always easier to arrange a nursing home for someone before they need it urgently than it is to scrabble around trying to find accommodations in the middle of a crisis.

Your title says "assisted living" but you mentioned "nursing home". Since your mom's Dr. said nursing home I'll go with nursing home.

What happens to your sister if mom goes into a nursing home?

Yes, your mom's health will continue to decline and any dementia will get worse. Things will progressively become more difficult for you and your mom. Now might be the right time to start looking into a nursing home while you're not under the gun. You can plan, make arrangements, figure out what to do with the house, decide about where your sister will live. Lots of decisions and plans to be made. I think it would be easier to start in on this now before a fall or an illness forces your hand.
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