Hi, I'm glad I found this place as I've been agonizing over this. I care for my mother, she's 87, and generally declining: weaker, kidney disease, heart problems, starting to get confused, etc. She has no one else. The rest of her family died or left her. I'm an only child. Problem is we've always had a very strained relationship. I was adopted, and she was very abusive. I struggled as a child growing up with all kinds of complexes and insecurities. As a young 20-something adult I struggled to come to terms with the damage and overcame a lot of it to pick up my life and move on. After that I'd try to maintain a relationship with her and let her have one with my kids, but I can't trust her and she's abusive. Last year my husband and I split up. And my mother had a mental health crisis... she was out of it for a few days, when she came back has been very easily confused, forgetful, and a bit uncoordinated since. I was moving and I was going to try taking her with me, taking her in, hoping we could keep the peace... but I went to stay with her a while when my lease was up until hers was supposed to be up and things got ugly. Not only with me, but with my teens. They feel bad for her but really don't want to be around her anymore, it's so bad. I've kept my distance since then taking it as a sign I can never live with her, esp. not with the kids in the house. Her blow-up thwarted my move altogether and I got stuck here another year. I'm ready to move on at the end of the year to a new state without her. She's never shown any sign of remorse or regret over the things she has ever done in her life. She pretends they don't happen, or downplays them, or acts like it was all us and she's the victim. So she's doing this again. I'm not heartless, if she calls I go to the store, I run errands or come over and help. She tries to give me things, I accept nothing. No more small talk. If she can't accept responsibility for anything ever, I can't do this anymore. I'm so done. Now she fell again this month and it was bad though no broken bones. After being in the hospital a week, I had to settle her in home. I went over every day, helped, cleaned, chauffeured, etc. She thought she was still moving with me, I told her no... did she remember throwing us out months ago, threatening us, stealing our stuff, etc? No. So I'm being nice helping her all week and today she calls me confused, telling me the closet that was empty months ago was full of clothes and I stole them when I came over. I never stole a thing from her in my life, I think she's flashing back to years ago before she gave a lot of stuff away. I'm torn, but either way I've decided that I can't let this toxic relationship be the center of my life anymore and I'm moving on with my kids. I wish her the best but I'm so done. I have been done for months. Do I leave her alone to fend for herself? She is not really capable of taking care of herself anymore-- she's 80 lbs, frail as hell, can barely hear and is very easily confused/forgets things. But she's always prided herself on her independence and says she'd rather die alone in that apt (which will probably be not too long without me, as she literally has no one, not even neighbors who care). Or do I put her in a home against her will? At least she'll be taken care of, but she might absolutely hate it.