How do you put your parent in a nursing home without feeling guilty?
Husband and I are 60. His Dad is 87 with Parkinsons. We moved his Dad into our home 3 months ago from a nice retirement facility due to his Dad's falls. To keep him there with round the clock care would be 10 thousand a month. We found a lady who would keep him for 2400 a month and moved him there, but he kept calling at midnight for my husband to come there as he was lonely and scared. Thats when he moved in with us. His Dad is running out of money..he has only about 20 thousand left. We have been hiring some help for ten bucks an hour but we have to leave here while the help comes for 6 hours 3 times a week. Even with that, we have to provide 3 meals a day, wash clothes, medicate 4 x a day, wash his clothes, husband bathes him and picks out his clothes for him. He wants his son within eye shot and also wants us to take him on outings every single day in his wheelchair or he is miserable. He also has dementia so when he gets home and we are tired, he wants to go out again. When I hire help, he thinks they are his girlfriends and keeps hugging them and trying to grope them. I pretty much moved upstairs to avoid him as I do not feel comfortable around him...what if he forgets i am Kenny's wife and gropes me? My husband stays stressed and exhausted taking care of his Dad. His Dad has fallen 4 times in the last month but thank God we have thick carpet so he was okay. He uses a walker to the restroom and misses the toilet so I don't even want to go in there so I literally p in a lowes bucket upstairs using triple trashbags. I moved a couch into the spare bedroom to create my own living room upstairs too. So I live upstairs, husband lives downstairs for the most part. He needs full time care and I think he should go to the VA nursing home. But my husband feels too guilty because he knows his Dad won't like it there because his Dad wants to be in the same room as my husband all the time or he gets agitated and upset. I keep praying for God to tell us what to do. I don't know what is right or wrong. I start feeling guilty and will cook and give him his meds and make his bed and wash his clothes, etc. to help out, but being in the same room makes me feel uncomfortable because he has dementia and is a bigtime womanizer. He hasn't tried anything yet...but he has grabbed my daughter and my best friend...so it worries me. My husband just wants to be able to sit in his recliner and watch a tv show he likes and relax. His dad is in a recliner next to him and grabs the controller to watch qvc or anything with women on it. He didn't use to be like this..he is a nice man except for his love of women or lonliness since his wife died 6 years ago. my husband has been at his beckoning call, and taking him on outings daily for the last 6 years. It is hard to build your whole life around someone else. But his guilt is so huge. How do you put your parent in a nursing home without feeling guilty?????
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This makes sense.
If hubby is overcome with guilt, even though he did not cause his dad's dementia, he should try a few sessions with a counselor. It sounds like more than you can help him through. If your husband is faithful and committed, how does he reconcile what he is doing to you?
Dad's on the VA waiting list. GREAT. Hubby is having a breakdown over it? Hubby needs some counseling.
It is time to ACT.
Please do it TODAY. Don't let this sick, selfish old man ruin your life!
C'mon now, you can do this.
the way you're living is not tenable.
handle your business and get him placed and get about your lives.
This is not a rehearsal. this is your life.
God is telling you what to do but you have to be able to hear Him.
lovbob
The feeling of guilt is again normal, but you can think of these realities to make the burden a little bit lighter for you.
Your parents would be taken cared by professionals in a nursing home. They will be fed on time and will be given medications on time. If you are working and away from home most of the time, it is really impossible for you to take care of your parents. You would feel guilty knowing that you left your parents at home with no one rather than leaving them in a nursing home where they are taken cared for.
Knowing that doctors are around your parents every minute of the day in a nursing home will make you feel more confident even when you are not around. Again, they are being overlooked by professionals. You could always visit them every once in month to check their situation. Take them bac if you feel that they are not being taken cared of properly or you could always move them to a nursing home that suits their needs better.
goingcrazy_ do what u have to do . we have living room and family room , pa watches tv in living room and my hubby watches tv in family room so it all works... out .
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