How do you put your parent in a nursing home without feeling guilty?
Husband and I are 60. His Dad is 87 with Parkinsons. We moved his Dad into our home 3 months ago from a nice retirement facility due to his Dad's falls. To keep him there with round the clock care would be 10 thousand a month. We found a lady who would keep him for 2400 a month and moved him there, but he kept calling at midnight for my husband to come there as he was lonely and scared. Thats when he moved in with us. His Dad is running out of money..he has only about 20 thousand left. We have been hiring some help for ten bucks an hour but we have to leave here while the help comes for 6 hours 3 times a week. Even with that, we have to provide 3 meals a day, wash clothes, medicate 4 x a day, wash his clothes, husband bathes him and picks out his clothes for him. He wants his son within eye shot and also wants us to take him on outings every single day in his wheelchair or he is miserable. He also has dementia so when he gets home and we are tired, he wants to go out again. When I hire help, he thinks they are his girlfriends and keeps hugging them and trying to grope them. I pretty much moved upstairs to avoid him as I do not feel comfortable around him...what if he forgets i am Kenny's wife and gropes me? My husband stays stressed and exhausted taking care of his Dad. His Dad has fallen 4 times in the last month but thank God we have thick carpet so he was okay. He uses a walker to the restroom and misses the toilet so I don't even want to go in there so I literally p in a lowes bucket upstairs using triple trashbags. I moved a couch into the spare bedroom to create my own living room upstairs too. So I live upstairs, husband lives downstairs for the most part. He needs full time care and I think he should go to the VA nursing home. But my husband feels too guilty because he knows his Dad won't like it there because his Dad wants to be in the same room as my husband all the time or he gets agitated and upset. I keep praying for God to tell us what to do. I don't know what is right or wrong. I start feeling guilty and will cook and give him his meds and make his bed and wash his clothes, etc. to help out, but being in the same room makes me feel uncomfortable because he has dementia and is a bigtime womanizer. He hasn't tried anything yet...but he has grabbed my daughter and my best friend...so it worries me. My husband just wants to be able to sit in his recliner and watch a tv show he likes and relax. His dad is in a recliner next to him and grabs the controller to watch qvc or anything with women on it. He didn't use to be like this..he is a nice man except for his love of women or lonliness since his wife died 6 years ago. my husband has been at his beckoning call, and taking him on outings daily for the last 6 years. It is hard to build your whole life around someone else. But his guilt is so huge. How do you put your parent in a nursing home without feeling guilty?????