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My husband with dementia and I go to a small restaurant for lunch. Another older couple are frequently there. He is very mean and hateful to her. blaming her for, their "lousy" life, how he has to do everything and that she is worthless. All of this being said so that others can hear. At times a younger women is there and ads to his venom. How should this public abuse be handled? Granted I don't know their whole story, but something is wrong.

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do something, do anything...it's not going to hurt you to try.
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jetcitygirl...did you call the cops and have him arrested??
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Recently I was in a thrift store and an older man was constantly on his wife - speaking to her unkindly both in words and tone. One woman told him to stop it. He continued on with it. His wife could see that I was taking this all in (I was deciding if I too should say something) and paused by me for a moment and said "He has alzheimers" I said "I'm sorry" and she continued down the aisle with him following behind with the shopping cart. I was glad I didn't add to her discomfort and day out of the house. That said, I think when your intentions are good step in by making a phone call, etc.
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I called Ombudsman when my mom was thrown on the bed and it broke her hip. They did nothing. I called an elder law attorney and his assistant said nothing they can do. There's no money to win.
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During my career as a first responder one particular situation comes to mind. We would be called to a familiar address by the wife of an elderly gentleman saying he was on drugs or acting strange or some other altered behavior. When we arrived on the scene typically the gentleman would quietly assure us he was fine while the wife wailed on about his acting crazy. During our exam we could tell she was beating him. At times he would have wounds on his ears or arms that he would not let us treat. She was the abuser but he would never give us anything we could use to help him. We contacted APS and they had similar results. One thing that concerned us was the numerous firearms around the house in plain sight. We were really afraid one of them or both would end up shot. The old man died before she did but she followed soon after. We always felt sympathy for that man but as long as he wouldn't help us there was nothing we could do. One thing you have to ask yourself, "Am I seeing what is really going here?" Elder abuse is on the rise. Making contact with the woman in a seemingly innocent way is good advice and might give you more information on what is really going on. If the younger woman is joining in, especially in public, the lady may really need help. One result of making contact might be that you never see them again or you could get in a confrontation with the abuser(s). Don't count on the victim to help you. I would talk to the restaurant staff first and find out if they are seeing the same things you are.
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You can call the police when you see the action happening and say you are witnessing elder abuse. They will come, investigate and do what is necessary. You will have to be the victims voice when you call. Sometimes victims will not say anything at first in fear of their abuser. Do this woman a favor, call!
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Demented patients can be extremely verbally abusive and there should be some sort of protection for their victims
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Do you have a phone that can record these abusive situations that you have seen? Take a surreptitious video and show the police, after you get their license. The woman will likely shelter her abuser. I don't know how legal it is to video something like this, but the police would at least (hopefully) pay attention. A woman in my neighborhood was beaten to death by her husband. Everybody knew he was a horrid person--and he did not go to jail, even after that! This little lady needs somebody in her corner!!
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yes...get the license #....call police...that way they can go to their home!!!
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She's probably been enduring this abuse from him for years, which is very sad. However, like Sunnygirl said it could be he has dementia or some other medical problem. Call Adult Protective Services and the police. At least you will know someone is looking into it. In Georgia, APD is part of the Division of Aging Services. Read here, it's good info that probably applies in every state. http://aging.dhs.georgia.gov/adult-protective-services
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I agree with all that is said. I would also call the women's shelter in your area and explain the situation to them. They will likely have a card you could give to her if she goes to the bathroom or talk with the manager at the establishment to get her name. I am a mental health therapist so some times I will just have eye contact with people who are being abusive and their victims and say a friendly hello. Sometimes just being seen and acknowledged says I see what you are doing without being threatening. If you encounter them weekly you could say Hi and compliment her on her dress, eyes, smile, ask if you know her from church, or if she is your friends aunt or family member. If they have a routine that they always follow call the local police and see if they canbe seated in plain clothes next to the family to witness the abuse. The restaurant manager might be willing to help. Also pray , God always leads us to the answer that makes the biggest difference when we give him the ability to use us for His will.
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Agree with Angel. Get the plate number, call Adult Protective Services which will not be an immediate response. So, you may want to call police the next time you see tgis happening, but I am afraid nothing would happen there either because the woman would have to file charges. This is a tough one, but there may be someone else that has better ideas. What about talking to the woman if she goes to the restroom. She is the one that will probably have to request the help.
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I have a story to share about this.

I was in a severely abusive relationship.The abuse was emotional, verbal, physical. Even in public he would abuse me. No one EVER stepped in to help me. I could not help myself as I was stuck in the cycle of abuse. I was told that if I tried to leave or get help he would kill my family and my pets and make me watch, and then torture me to death.

It took me years to get help. Finally I called the police myself after nearly dying during one of the beatings and asked for help. I was sure I was going to die soon after for asking for help, but instead the police helped me get safe...including jailing him and enforcing the restraining order for years afterwards (he did continue to attempt to kill me, and still is, but now I KNOW I have help. I didn't before.)

PLEASE do something .... ANYTHING. Even calling the police to step in...I guarantee that if they do this in public, it's only the tip of the iceberg.

Angel
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It's difficult to say, because it could be that the one using that abusive language could have dementia himself or some kind of a disability. Sometimes dementia patient are having a delusion and say all kinds of things.

I'm surprised they keep going out in public. Could you ask the staff in the restaurant if they know what the deal is? If it continued, I think I might get a license plate and report it to someone anonymously.
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