How do I provide financial help to aid my Mom in another state? - AgingCare.com

How do I provide financial help to aid my Mom in another state?

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I do not want to deal with her directly because she is toxic and abusive. She is very demanding spending over $1000 a month on alternative medicine and over $2000 a month on food. She is 85 and threatens to take her life if I will not give her the money she asks for. I have to take her frantic calls on a weekly basis demanding more money. Is there a way that a governmental agency or non profit could look out for her care and find what her actual needs are. Though she was an abusive parent I feel responsible to look out for needs. I have the money to help but I do not want to feel black mailed or abused in the process.

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I would recommend handling this in a progressive manner, meaning I would try to use the least severe methods first.

Initially, I would suggest contacting and hiring a Certified Geriatric Care Manager (GCM) in her area to do an evaluation and determine her competency and her needs. A talented GCM may be able to create a trusting relationship with her and be the intermediary between the two of you.

If mom does indeed lack capacity to make decisions for herself, and if she refuses to cooperate with the GCM, then you may wish to proceed to guardianship. You do not have to be the guardian if you feel it would not be in your best interest. Once deemed incapacity by the court a private guardian can be hired and similarly be an intermediary between you and your mother.
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Nobody spends $2K a month on groceries. She is either gambling or has a drug problem. Walk away and don't look back. If she threatens suicide, call her police department to check on her. You are being manipulated by her.
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