I've posted recently about my mom who lives next door to me, and my brother (brother #1) lives with her as her caregiver. No one has guardianship. She falls all the time, won't stay off the stairs and battles us on every issue. She is defiant with us, has always been miserable and is just downright mean. We are thrilled that she has decided to move to assisted living, even though she is, not surprisingly, miserable about that, as well.
I can't recall if I've mentioned my OTHER brother at all, brother #2. Brother #1 and I have been estranged from him for years. He is a violent alcoholic, diagnosed bipolar, self-medicating trainwreck. He's a repeat domestic violence offender. This last time, he did enough damage to his wife that he is serving four years in prison. The wife has, of course, forgiven him.
And he is the apple of my mother's eye.
She gave him and his wife her house when she moved away 35 years ago. They never paid the property taxes and ultimately abandoned the property. My mom has always sent him money, and continues to send him commissary money at the prison. I think she feels some sort of guilt related to how he is or something. All three of us siblings each inherited $30K from a distant cousin that we didn't even know. He blew through his in about six weeks: Eating out, shopping, cheating on his wife and buying jewelry for his girlfriend. He used to drunk-call me in the middle of the night, telling me how miserable he was and threatening to jump in his car or get on his motorcycle and ending it all (sounds like mom, don't you think?). When I told him if he ever drunk-called me again telling me he was going to drive, that I was going to call the police, he told me he would kill me.
He has applied for an early release from prison, and he may get it. By the end of the month. He was on disability when he went to prison, and I know he and his wife are flat broke.
My mom hasn't taken care of her own finances for about 40 years. Her partner took care of all of that for her. She's unable to manage the kind of planning and managing that requires. I have been taking care of mom's banking, I maintain contact with her investment advisor. I make sure her bills are paid on time, and that there are no questionable charges on her credit cards. I have her medical POA, and at the same time she had financial POA papers drawn up, but her attorney advised her to have him "hang on to it" until she needs it, whatever that means.
I'm going to call her attorney tomorrow. He is aware of brother #2, and what he does with money. I feel I need to let him know mom is going to AL and that brother #2 may be getting out of prison as part of my due diligence. She needs the money her partner left for her to pay for her AL. I am so afraid that she feels so responsible/bad for brother #2 that she will ruin herself financially for him. Right now, she has enough money for about 12 years in a VERY nice AL residence.
I'm very OCD about taking care of bills and financial matters. My house is paid for, I have a student loan, a car payment and zero credit card debt. All three of my FICO 08 credit scores are over 800. I've done a good job with her bills and banking. Yes, it's a lot of work. Her money needs to last as long as she does, you know?
My mom got mad at me for something a couple of weeks ago (either that I asked her what she had for dinner or that I asked her again to please call me if she needs something and NOT use the stair lift when she's home along) and hasn't talked to me since. She is also not talking to caregiver brother because of some similar offense on his part.
She was on the phone with Prison Brother today, and Caregiver Brother heard part of the conversation when he came in from taking out the trash: "Oh honey, it's going to be ok. No, I am getting an apartment (AL residence). I really can't live with anyone, but I'll come visit you. I am SO GLAD you're getting out of there. That was unfair of ::insert wife's name here:: to let them put you in 'jail' for that. It's going to be ok, honey."
My dad used to beat the crap out of me with the buckle end of his belt, a tennis racquet, a lamp... To the point that I was bleeding through the back of my blouse at school the next day. I still have scars, inside and out. He also hit my mom, but not as often. I do remember him slapping her so hard he knocked her out of her wheelchair.
I really should be more f*cked up. Seriously.
My point here is that my mom would NEVER hold Prison Brother accountable. Surely his wife did something that MADE HIM hurt her. You know the drill. He can do no wrong. Maybe mom dropped him on his head when he was a baby, and she thinks that's what messed him up. Whatever it is, she would give him her last nickel.
Can you think of anything additional I can do to protect my mom's resources from brother #2?