My parents have just entered assisted living due to the early stages of Dementia. My sibling is trying to set up a Power of Attorney, and I feel he should not be alone on this document or not at all. I would like to be on the document. My reasons are around my siblings behaviour around my parents finances, belongings, and health needs. My sibling and his wife are looking out for themselves, and not of the needs of my parents. After taking advice, I have concluded that I should address this with the Social Worker. Speak with my parents before they sign anything. Ultimately I see my parents requiring decision making when they are not able, and for their welfare, i.e. clothing, health needs, etc to be addressed. I am very worried and anxious about causing problems in the family but I cannot see any other option given my siblings behaviour. My sibling 18 months ago, severed communication with me over a minor problem and in the last month has just re-opened communication. Ideally I would like to remain on good terms with my sibling and am treading on eggshells whilst getting more and more angry. I would really appreciate any comments, as I dare-say, this may be a common problem.

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Listen this is a common problem. I have a sister from hell, we are always arguing about my elderely, disable mother who happens to live with my sister, only because my husband and I made the biggest mistake of our lives buying this house so they could be closer to us. Remember money is the root to all EVIL.Family or no family,family will get you before a stranger will and you better believe that!
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I started out being the only POA on my mother-in-law's accounts. Then I thought it was a good idea to add one of her sons (my husband wasn't interested) so I suggested she and I add #2 son. Which we did. Then after a health scare for me, and the fact that my brother-in-law travels a lot, I also thought all three of her sons should be on her account too. Now, the sons are on all her accounts as co-owners in effect, and I am still the POA that runs the checkbook and pays her bills. When she dies, my job is done. My point is, just because you are also POA with your sibling, if he/she has control of the checkbook etc. you're still out of the loop. I have set up my mother-in-law's bank accounts online and given all the boys the password/user ID's so they can check on their mom's accounts should they wish. When your folks die, the POA's job ends you know. You need your name on their accounts if you really want a say into what happens to the money afterwards. We all get along as a family, so I never had to tread on eggshells though. Sorry.
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