How can I protect my parents from my alcoholic brother? - AgingCare.com

How can I protect my parents from my alcoholic brother?

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My 43 year old brother lives with my parents. He is an alcoholic and will not admit his problem. He has begun to get mean when he is drunk and drinks until he passes out many times. About 6 months ago he screamed at and cussed at my 77 year old Daddy for hours. It took my husband and 3 sons to keep him from hurting him. He tried to break the window out of the car that my Daddy was sitting in so that he could hit him. My Mother is extremely protective of him and I feel somewhat paralyzed in my ability to help them. I don't know what my rights are and I need some advice. Last week he was found passed out and he was taken to the hospital. His blood alcohol level was .43. What is the best way for me to proceed the next time he gets drunk. It happens about every 6 weeks. What can I do legally and can I keep him from them? Thank you for your help in advance.

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Your brother needs to know that you will call the police if he threatens anyone again. I agree that your mom may be afraid, a but she doesn't know what to do, either.

A restraining order won't work unless you can find a way to make him move first. He's sick - try to remember that. But being a sick alcoholic doesn't give him the right to hurt others. The only way he'll face his problem seems to be through something harsh, so you may have to call 9-1-1 the next time there's a problem. It will be hard to do and to go through your parents' emotions with them, but this can't go on. For your parents' safety, your brother must get help.

You could call Social Services Adult Protective Services and see if they have other ideas about how you can help your parents.
Take care of yourself, too,
Carol
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I agree with gladimhere. Call the police and get a restraining order. This is completely unacceptable. After living for 7 years with an alcoholic (who also had a mental illness) I finally realized that by allowing him to continue to drink, and live in my house on my financial support that I was enabling his behavior and he would never get better. Likewise, your brother will never get better as he is enabled.

My ex always had similar blood alcohol levels as your brother. When he would go to the hospital they would read him from between .38 and .48 every time. The seriousness of this cannot be properly explained...this is organ damage range. If he is allowed to continue he will die...let him do that on his own, not with your wonderful daddy watching and being hurt by it. Get him out of that house legally, and do not let him back. If he wants to get help after that, then good for him. But your daddy should come first.

Angel #2
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Next time call the police, but first call them to let them know about health issues with your folks. That will be helpful to them so they are not responding and have the heat of the moment play into it. Who has POA's for your folks? If you do, then great, if not, you should see into getting them. You could then get a restraining order. I would think it would be a relief to your mom. She may actually be afraid of your brother.
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Hey there- when I read this, I thought, wow ,I could be THAT brother. I am a recovering alcoholic/ addict, I sought help and am following my program. The situation is your brother needs want to be sober, no one can make him sober/ then the thing is he may not be cordial when he's not abusing alcohol anyway. Previous advice is excellent- Call the authorities, tell them about your parents issues health wise, and let your brother know this won't be tolerated. If he wants to be a drunk, he can be, just not in your parents home. Detach with love, there are local support groups you can attend for strengthening your tough love muscles. Take advantage of all help. Your parents don't have to be his hostages.
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girlgirl7, have you called your brother's probation officer?
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Finally got a restraining order... Was a miracle for the magistrate to do this. This brother went back to his ex.. working but still drinking...his saving grace is church.
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I am in the same boat. My siblings and I are at our wit's end. My brother is a raging alcoholic and drug abuser. He leaves for a while, comes back when others get tired of him or he runs out of money. My daddy tells him no, but my step-mom defends him 100% about everything and I'm sure gives him money. My daddy is 65, in very poor health he can not stand up to him. Today he went to get money and was told no he was already drunk. kicked my dad in the back and to the floor. the 3 of us siblings got a text about the situation. I called the cops and they picked him up. problem is they only keep him until he sobers up and then lets him go. how can we keep him away from them? need help/advice asap! Afraid he's going to kill my daddy one day soon.
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TS, Kicking someone is assault. If there are devices (sticks, broom handles, guns) involved, it's felonious assault. Assault is either a misdemeanor or felony, probably the latter.

Were the police advised of the assault, or just of the drunk and disorderly aspect?

Take your father to the ER, now, advising he was kicked in the back, and indicate that you want to determine if there are any spinal or soft tissue injuries. And that should be done anyway, even if the brother wasn't involved.

After that, get a copy of the medical record (all, everything in the chart, from x-rays to notes) and if it shows evidence of the kick, take it to the police and state that you want to file (a) assault charges, and (b) get a PPO against your brother.

You'll probably be referred to an agency either of law enforcement or county administration for consideration of a PPO. If the latter, prepare a history of past attacks, harassment, attempts to get money, threats, etc. and take the list along to be added as an exhibit to the PPO Petition.

Who witnessed the assault and texted you and your siblings? That person would be an ideal person to accompany you to the police and PPO departments.

Has your mother ever been threatened? Even if not, she should be added to the protected list of any PPO as she's apparently been pestered by brother in the past.

Does your brother already have a criminal record, including for drug use? If so, is he on parole? If he is, assault on a person is most likely a parole violation. Call the state prison department if you have to and find out who his parole officer is and report the assault to him/her.
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When you call 911...the police come...talk to the brother...do nothing...time after time...The brother is on probation...Mom is 84, a hospice patient...Bed bound. Nothing has worked. Brother went to treatment recently...got out evdn got a job. Now, back at moms, raging and drinking...Mom too old and weak...just takes the abuse...Police do nothing.
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