How can I protect my legal right to see and help care for my injured parent?

Thank you to each of you who have responded. Each of you have made valuable points.
I am not and will not get drawn into drama or recriminations with them. I keep all texts and voicemails, which have a nature of attempts to goud me into argument. I am not biting that hook. I am focused on my dad, being present for him, grateful for any contact I may have.
I am very grateful he didn't die from his injury, and will support him in any manner that I can.
My two sisters are trying hard as they might to limit and control my contact with him, because they say their choice to "out me" makes me not part of his care team.
Day to day, moment to moment. I cope.
The initial shock of their actions regarding excluding me from knowing he had a critical injury and was hospitalized literally broke me for about 24 hours. I have regrouped and am stepping forward with a business perspective: the business at hand is care and comfort of my father. Period.

Dear Sister3; You and several others have mentioned triangulation, which occurs in a situation in which three individuals are together in a situation and it ends up somehow feeling like it's always the same two against the one, in an unhealthy way. I am the eldest of three children, the youngers are both brothers. We are now 61, 58 and 50. We had a somewhat sad childhood; middle brother was chronically ill with a variety of things and was always the center of attention. There was a series of dying grandparents and lots family secrets. Now that mom is old and frail and in NH, Brother 58 and I (he's POA, I make medical judgment calls) and we decide when to call Brother 50, depending upon the severity of the situation. He lives a 5 hour drive away, has the youngest children, two of whom are emotionally fragile and need ongoing care. Yes, Brother 58 is often pissed at Brother 50 for not simply coming up more often, or calling, or sending a card, or calling us. He tells us that we're doing a great job and that he's so glad that we know what we're doing (we don't, we just make it up as we go along, like the rest of us). We would not have called youngest brother in the scenario you described. Not because of our 'issues', but because no earthly good would come from you rushing back. Our (my) philosophy is that when you have an elderly parent, you treat every visit as though it might be the last one and make sure that all the focus is on parent, not on oneself. You make sure that you would have no regrets if parent passed the next day. You bury all hatchets with your siblings. If you never want to see them again after the last funeral is over, that's fine. Leave the drama for then. I don't mean this to sound harsh; this is just my experience of how you handle these kinds of situations.

And yes, I like CM's idea of working on new ground rules, possibly with a neutral third party present. This job that all of you have is only going to get harder; not fighting with your sibs in the process makes it a little bit easier.

Continue to see your father and offer him comfort. It is very possible he will go to a nursing home, at least for some rehab, if not permanently. Ignore the histrionics and bad kharma. Concentrate on Dad. Try to be at his bedside when the MD does his rounds so you get more information.

Sister3, you say that middle sister lives with Father "in his home." If the home is not owned by her, that should make things a little smoother for you.

I think it is a good thing to be consulting a lawyer. Know what your options are and how to respond if the meanies try to keep you from your father. I suspect that you could easily have your father sign a HIPAA waiver so that doctors could talk to you directly. You don't have to have POA for that to happen.

I somehow doubt that you can force your sisters to communicate with you (but do talk to the lawyer about that). Certainly they should have told you of the injury, but that is my moral perspective, not a legal one.

If middle sister truly is narcissistic, I think she is a lost cause. Learn to work around her; don't expect her to work with you. Is there any possibility you could mend your relationship with Sister1? Be very careful not to try to alienate her from middle sister, but just try to reestablish sisterly bonds with her? Would she like to join you and your husband for dinner some night? Do you have a scrapbook you could look over with her and see if she'd like copies of any of the pictures? Does she have one you'd like to see? If you come across a cartoon she'd like, could you send her a little note? Don't make your contacts directly about Dad; just try to be friends.

I'd love to find out what you learn from the lawyer.

Good luck to you!

Sorry about your situation. Makes me glad I am an only child.

Avoid going to probate court at all costs!!! Never file for guardianship in from the courts. It turns into a long useless battle where the Judge will assign an independent outside agency to control your parents life due to a family squabble. They make all their financial and medical decisions. That is what happened to our mother. They removed her from her home and put her in a nursing home where she lost the will to live. All it is, is a money making agency to rob the elderly legally. We were in court for two years and thousands of dollars. Family squabbles do not belong in the court system. They take away their rights and end up taking everything the ward has. Try to work things out with a pastor or third party. Avoid going to court at all cost. Our whole family and extended family is now broken and will never mend. At my Mothers funeral my brother called the police accusing me of have an AK-47 and guns. It gets really ugly in court. This is only a small picture of what happens. RUN do not walk away from that idea.

You will spend $300 an hour with the attorney who will tell you that under HIPAA laws, you have no right to information. He will also tell you that if it is her home (check the home ownership at city hall) she has complete right to privacy and can refuse admittance to anyone. Sorry. Facts is facts.

From what you say they are being childish and the real issue is with regards to your wedding last year and who's in control from one family event to another, so in this instance I think it would be good for you to play along and mend fences, or apologize or whatever...do what you have to to show a bit of compassion that your sisters that they weren't included (blah, blah, "I'm sorry, we didn't know it was that important to you...") even though you did it on purpose, because this is ALL about their having control over this situation and it sounds like you will not win, or have much access to your dad otherwise.

All you can do is let them think you learned your lesson and see if you are granted permission back in the family. Who cares, really, as long as the drama is kept to a minimum and your dad is not involved in the sibling rivalry.

They might be more than happy to have you step in and help once the shiny veneer of control wears thin, so find out your legal rights and then get in the game because middle sister has control and wants to teach you a lesson and you'll just have to play along and be smarter about it if you want to play with them at all.

I am not sure what state you are in but I urge you to settle this with your sister even if you have to be sickeningly sweet in the face of adversity. You can file for conservatorship of your mother, however, the sister will go for same and may win because she is already taking care of mom even though she is isolating your mother from you. But try to keep this out of the courts whatever you do because they do not like feuding family members, feel that it is not beneficial to the elder and they will place a professional fiduciary in charge of your mother who will do the same as your sister is doing all with the courts blessing. An attorney told me the only way to protect my mother was through a conservatorship in California, which I did; only to lose her to a professional fiduciary because the courts felt it better that a stranger who paid $500 for a license was better for my mother than a daughter. This San Francisco fiduciary has isolated my mom from her family and is paying himself and his counsel hundreds of thousands of dollars in fees over the last 4 years to keep mom away from me and all he has done is stick her away in some nursing home of which he would not reveal for months. I have been fighting for my mom back for four years and I still can obtain no information as to how she is and I am named as attorney in fact in her durable POA and Health POA's, successor trustee of our family trust, and executor of my parents estate (dad deceased), yet the courts will not acknowledge me as anyone who has any rights. Please try to work this out with your sister and keep mom out of the court system if you can or a stranger could end up doing exactly what your sister is doing and he doesn't care anything about mom; only the money. Good luck.

Debbie, morally, you're right. But practically? Yeah, I think she can make it almost impossible for her sister to see her dad if she so chooses -- as long as she's in charge. IMO, going down ANY kind of a stubborn road is sure to escalate ill will. If the poster's only motive is to see dad and have a relationship with him, then she needs desperately to find a way to get along. If that means apologizing, then that's what it means. If it means stepping up more? Then it means that. Sometimes, though, relationships are so darned toxic that it just can't be done. These dysfunctional relationships don't happen overnight. Takes years. You snub me. I'll snub you back. More.

The danger is putting dad in the middle. When all he really wants is peace. Most likely he's let go of all the problems of this world and is content to be taken care of by his daughter...as is happening now. He's going to be loyal to his caregiver come hell or high water. I can almost guarantee that.

Make peace!

Maybe an attorney might be able to intercede. But as far as legal action? I'd wish the poster good luck with that. I personally think it'd be throwing good money after bad.

Sometimes, to get what we want, we have to suck it up. Big time.