How do I protect Moms finances without paying a ton to either a lawyer or brother?

In some states that I am aware of, even with a will leaving everything to the wife, the children can challenge it (which makes a good case for setting up trusts so your wishes are not at the mercy of unscrupulous heir wannabe's and the courts). I am not clear about who can be the executor if the named spouse executor is not competent. Can a POA or guardianship allow you to step into the shoes of the named spouse? Anyone have experience with that? I think, as with most of these questions where people who are not legal people provide answers, the best answer is from an attorney experienced in these matters in the state(s) in question, as every state is different. That is going to be my next call, because I am now in that situation, and when I researched Florida law, I discovered that the able-bodied able to work kids can challenge the will and take the money meant to care for the surviving spouse until her death. Talk about the law stepping and undoing your last wishes - geesh! Good luck!

Iggy, see an attorney and ask how to have a provision comparable to an in terrorem clause added to the Will, since Florida apparently does not recognize this protective measure.

As to your specific questions, you're wise to plan on consulting an attorney, since answers here would most likely be from people who like me might have a legal background, or might otherwise have good experience on which to base their answers.

There would have to be some legal basis for stepping in and challenging a will which leaves all assets to a surviving spouse. It could be something like the case of the glamorous but exploitive second wife. It could be some claim of mental incompetence at the time the person made the will. But it can't be just because someone feels they should have inherited something after all. It couldn't even be "Dad always told me he would leave me the house!".

This is another good reason to put the money in accounts with the WROS designation. Basically...what it means is that Mom already owned those account and needed no will or court to transfer it to her.

My purpose was only to expedite the movement of money for her. As she has great difficulty speaking (stroke) talking on the phone is near impossible. Without time consuming help from someone, she would be unable to make her wishes known.

What we have done is sit for a couple hours each day and write everything down. Oddly, mom can read it clearly...just cannot say the words clearly from off the top of her head. So, she works out what she wants to say by telling me..I enter the words into her 'mini talk"....what words I can get...then we refine it till it says what she wants. Then we go to the bank or broker. Sometimes she will get flustered and still not be able to say it..even reading. But, at least we have it all worked out in advance. And the 'mini talk' will say her words for her if she is stuck. (This device from lingraphica is a great tool!).

My brothers first objection seemed to be that Mom avoided probate to begin with. He didn't like the idea that the court wasn't taking all the financial step..instead I was. Even understanding that mom cannot speak quickly enough to get into the conversation (and people rarely will take the time to wait for her to pull it together), I think he didn't "get" that this was moms money, and avoiding probate was completely legal and made good sense....avoiding the large cost of probate. i guess he believed that probate would have given him some of that money.

Katie, another thought if your brother begins to threaten again. If he did sue your mother, forcing the shock and trauma of having to defend herself, it might be considered emotional abuse of an elder.

Being sued is traumatic; for someone with difficulty speaking, for someone who's old, and for someone being sued by her son, that's a major traumatic event. That would be something to include in responsive pleadings (if he does file suit).