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My nephew lives with my mothher she is 85 he is 33. He hasn't had a job for several years. He sleeps all day and plays video games all night. When he goes out to smoke he friends the stray cats. They now have 3 cats in the house and one on the proch. Even worse than the cats my mother has been in the overdraft for 3 years in the amount of around 10 thousand dollars. Some of her children tried to have an intervention boy what a mess. She sided with the nephew. Her blood pressure is running 219 over 98 and her a1c is to high her bllod sugar stays around 290. They eat a lot of fast food they purchase with her credit card. What do we need to do? She is mad at the 3 sisters who tried to interevene and the nephew said you can't make me move out.

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I agree with orangeblossom. It looks like legal intervention is called for and it must be a joint family decision. Her nephew is not taking care of her, he is leeching off her and making her life shorter in the process. She may be enabling him out of dementia or fear of being alone so alternative living arrangements could be explored. Good luck!
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I suggested calling Adult Protective Services. Please do that. They will investigate your nephew, make sure your Mom is being cared for (like checking to see if there is food). If you call, they come out within 2 days. Please start there. Then find a GOOD elder attorney. Call. Alzheimer's Association for recommendations believe me, I know all about this due to my Mom having Alzheimer's.
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This--and the stories people have added in their answers--is horrifying! I would immediately seek out an attorney and try to get guardianship. That way you can be control of the situation, monitoring health, finances, etc. And find some way to get the kid thrown out (preferably in jail).
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I agree with all that CarolLynn recommended. We went through the same thing with my niece. Take her to an attorney who deals with the elderly. They can do the POA, both financial and medical. Also, put the house in a trust.


I was in a similar situation where my mom raised my niece and nephew. The niece had three children and when she moved out she left one of them there so that my mother, who has dementia, could raise her. The niece often left the other two children there. It was a very abusive situation. My niece stole from her, ruined her card, charged her own home’s electric and phone bills on my mom’s checking account and used up $4000/month using my mom’s debit card.
We filed multiple reports with APS, but my mother always told them that there wasn’t a problem and they went away.
My niece forged checks, I filed reports with the police, and since my mother wasn’t willing to press charges it did no good.
Through all of this, I did have POA. This issue was that my mother still needed money to spend for groceries and her bills but couldn’t be relied upon to reign in my niece. Plus, my niece would blackmail my mother and tell her that she would take the great grandchild away if my mother didn’t give her what she wanted.
It was a slow process but we prevailed.
The first thing is that someone needs to be made POA. Both my sister and I are for my mom.
Then, we closed the old account, and we opened a new one with my mother’s name on it and mine. This way, I could log onto the computer every day and see if anything was being charged on it that shouldn’t be. If you talk with the manager at your mom’s bank they will work with you. The moment I saw a charge on there, I called the bank and told them that I did not authorize the charge and have it removed. I gradually closed the loop around the spending and had to eventually get my mom out of the house. She was living with my brother for a short period of time and is now living with us.
It is very hard to overcome this type of situation. Especially when the person is living in the house. He can eventually claim “squatters rights”.
Your mother needs to assign a POA (not the nephew) and she needs to fill out a will stating who will get what.

Sorry you are going through this. It was hell for us because none of us lived locally to my mom, except the niece.
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keep us informed how things are going your experience will help others who have problems like you do and do not know where to turn for help
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BTW, if your moms bank accounts are not already in joint tenancy with you, you will need to go to the bank with her and move the money to open a new accounts that have new credit and debit cards associated with them, never to be seen by the nephew. Banks have their own forms, mom can agree to add your signature to her signature cards but only if she is there with you. Even with your new POA, they probably wouldn't let you close out remove money from an existing account. Some thanks will not open a POA account if the owner of the account isn't there, which kind of defeats the purpose of POA. Just be aware, banks are funny.
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Take your mom to an elder lawyer. S/he will let you know right away weather a competent signature will be accepted from your mother. Sometimes you can't see it yourself you need a third party. But better a lawyer than a doctor because the lawyer may accept a signature and then you're all set. You just need 2 documents, a medical POA and a financial POA, both durable to start immediately and continue through incompetency, should that occur. If your mom owns her house, there should probably be a trust to avoid probate. The lawyer can help you with that too. You should go in presuming the lawyer would accept her signature and not refer to her poor judgement, which just maybe love of her grandson rather than dementia. Let the lawyer tell you if he doesn't think she should sign. In other words, don't ask.

Before you go to the attorney, if your mother is hesitant about doing POA's, remind her of what happened to the bank with the charges and just explain to her it's the only way you can will have the authority to control the situation. After you get the POAs, if you do, you can then gather information, confront your nephew and his parents and make some agreements. Maybe he COULD stay there and take care of her to keep her at home, but medical services will pay for visiting home nurses to come to monitor things such as high blood pressure and diabetic blood sugar. If she gets supervision in that department, and he is told about her dietary needs and doesn't comply, that's a different issue. If he has no access to her money to buy fast food, then she will already be eating better. Consider what you would have to pay a home caregiver for 24/7 care before you rule out having him stay. Your mom is comfortable with him there, and if he is willing to clean up his act, he could be a good choice to care for her as she continues to age.
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Irratated -
Just a little sympathy here for you. This is going to be a very difficult process, with your mother, nephew and brother resisting all the way. If there is anyone who can back you up, like a clergyperson or close friend or business person - banker or insurance or accountant? - please get all the help you can.
God bless you.
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So you have 3 other siblings? Perhaps get together and flat out tell favorite grandson to get out or you will bring fraud charges against him. This is elder abuse in a non-physical sense. I would call Adult Protective Services and they will investigate him thouroughly. Maybe that will scare him off. Is she in dementia, or just making poor choices? I would get her a good physical and neuro work-up to determine this. If not in dememntia, she could assign POA to you or any other sibling. If she is mentally incompetent, then you have to go to court to file for guardianship and conservatorship. Another thing, your brother may think it's OK for his son to live with your Mom, but I would tell him you want him out due to the financial abuses, and then make arrangements with your other siblings to participate in your mother's care.
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no one has POA. She gets very angry and defensive if anyone says anything about him. There are 2 children who have invited her to come live with them and one daughter has offered to move in with her. The grandson moved in because he lost his job and didn't get another one. He is my brothers son and my brother lives in Belview and thinks it is ok for him to live there.
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Go the APS route. She is the victim of financial elder abuse, and she is unable to protect herself. I'm surprised that the bank is letting her run that big of an overdraft!

You also need to think about who will care for her when you do get him out. She enjoys his company, and would be lonely if he were gone. What can you do about that? Good luck.
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You can also bring charges against your nephew as he is basically stealing your momma's money and ruining her credit. Where is your nephew's mother of father??? In my book, they are as culpable for your mother's fiscal predicament because your nephew clearly has cognitive and development issues.
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One other thing: cancel card and request a new one. Guard it so no one can access it but the one with the POA.
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Again, who has her power of attorney? The debit card needs to be cancelled or at least in the possession of the one with POA. Call the bank and tell them that no online transactions are allowed and that an ID MUST be shown when used. Change the passcode so nephew can't get cash.

Your Mother has allowed this behavior and all of you are responsible for allowing this ne'er-do-well into your mother's home. His behavior is CLEARLY not new. At his age he should not be playing such childish video games.
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Yes I have been a care giver and I know how hurtfull it is to be criticised, that is why I have let it go on for so long. In April mon asked one of my sisters to go to the bank with her to get a handle on the overdraft fees. While they were there they saw playstation charges and World of War craft. My mother told the bank to close out overdraft and to cancel the debit card. At that time she started to use a credit for food purchases. Then in August she asked me if I would help her with the overdraft fees. I took her to the bank and her debit card was still being accessed on line for playstation charges. I have been going through her bank statments and cred card statement this week and her credi card balance is 17 thousands dollars mostly overdraft loans and fees. The bank asked her if she wanted to file a fraud case and she said no she didn't want to make an enemy of him...

If it is none of my business then fine but am I committing elder abuse by sitting back and letting her health fail and go bankrupt?
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Who has Power of Attorney? Very important question.

Sounds like she may need to file bankruptcy? How do you know she is charging fast food on her credit card? Which, by the way, is her prerogative.

Let's step back a bit. Why is grandson living with granny to begin with? Whose son does he belong to? Why did you or your siblings choose not to care for your Mom directly instead of entrusting to a person seemingly irresponsible?

That said, caregiving is REALLY hard. Have you ever done it? How do you know grandson is not caring well for your Mom? Your Mom needs a 24/7 caregiver. What did you expect?
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I agree with above comment.Obviously your nephew has neuro problems. He needs to be evaluated. Are his parents involved in trying to get him out? I know he's a grown man but he is showing no respect to them either.
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Call Adult Protective Services and make a report. They do not divulge the identity of the caller. Do any of you have Power of Attorney? If you do, cancel the credit card (I'm sure he is using it for his cigarettes too), and Adult Protective Services can give you advice on how to get him out of there. But then you will need to hire care or put her in a care facility. I hope that helps.
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