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His former housekeeper is now living with him and he is paying her large sums of cash per week for cleaning twice and making one or two meals per week. She is supposed to stay with him at night and goes out almost every night, coming home late. She has recently moved a friend of hers in with them. My father does not want to hear my concerns. He thinks that this woman 'loves him' and feels overly dependent on her, although he is completely independent physically and in fairly good health. He refuses to live with us (and we repeatedly offer) because we live in another state and he is frightened of leaving home.

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YOu could ask him ot sign over power of attorney to you along with you being his health advocate. This would take effect once his health failed. You might take this person aside and let them know you are paying attention and have noticed the lack of care and attention they are paying to your parent. The threat of finding another caregiver might entice this person to their job. I would back on on the offer to move your father. The more you push the more he will push you away. You should praise him and his roommate when speakign with him. He will get defensive if he thinks you feel his judgement is bad and once again he will push you away. There is an old saying, keep your firend close, but keep your enemies closer. befriend the roommate in order to get them to talk to you. praise parent in order for them to see you aren't trying to take his life from him. Once he sees you have his best interest at heart and get him to sign the papers you can help him. until that time there isn't anything you can do. You woudl have to prove this person is taking advantage of your father and then you can press crimminal charges. being that you live in another state might make it hard case to prove unless you hire a private detective to prove their comings and goings and bank transactions.
best of luck.
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As you have found, it's extremely difficult to do anything for a parent when you live a distance away and don't see them often. Have you tried asking Dad to come visit for a while? Perhaps an extended visit might weaken the bond he thinks he has with this person. Ask him to come and vacation with you....grandchildren visit or something to that effect. If he is independent physically why does he need someone to stay the night? Unfortunately since Dad is still responsible for himself there isn't going to be a lot, if anything, that you can do. Painful to watch I know....Dad doesn't like to be alone and even though you may see through this person, Dad only sees the "good" way she makes him feel. As long as he is responsible for himself, he has the right to spend his money, move in whomever he wants and live how he wants. I know it's frustrating and causes sleepless nights of worry....hugs and prayers to you!
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In some states (MD, for example), there is a law against defrauding the elderly. I'd check that out with the local police, and maybe have them pay a visit to your Dad and his "caregiver." Most police take this kind of manipulation very seriously, almost personally. A little bit of "we're watching you" can maybe scare the woman out of there.
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I think Jane's answer is a good one was a background check done if not maybe the police officer can do this-or a lawyer could-if the caregiver knows that might happen she will get away fast.
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Thanks so much for all of these helpful suggestions. It's a great comfort to know that there are people out there who understand how difficult these situations area and how tricky! Love and best wishes to all of you!
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If you've found this woman through an agency, contact them and share your concerns. If they are a reputable firm, they'll do their best to resolve this issue. A reputable firm also would have initially done a thorough background and criminal check beforehand. If you found her on your own, confront the caregiver. Firmly and politely tell her that you are aware of her responsibilities and you feel that she's have been slacking in her work. Contact her former employers and discuss the reasons as to why she's no longer employed with them. If it's similar to your current concerns, approach your father with the information.
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