How can I protect elderly father from his own family taking his money?

Hi 1RareFind, His money was always paid and kept in a bank account and still is, but before his progressive dementia, he liked having spending money on him and at night he would put it UNDER the mattress : ). I thought it was sad that he had to resort to something so drastic, but money he kept in his wardrobe, also got stolen. At that age (80) he was still very lucid and no problem with dementia, and he wanted to have money with him, instead of a debit card, being from the old school.

I explained to my dad that money was stolen from his account and when he realised that it was true, he changed his account numbers. Perhaps you can do the same with your mom, if you think you can make her understand.

I agree with removing all assets and valuable papers from the house. I would get a safe deposit box and if you are worried about his bank accounts, our attorney told us to close out the accounts and move everything to a new bank. I was worried about a sibling having access to my Mother's money and I shut down all accounts - consolidated them to one bank and one credit union. Sent her POA to every account she has - every utility company, bank, credit card, physicians office, etc. then establish online access to all accounts. Get email or text notifications for any activity on the accounts. Be aware. I would also consult with the attorney that set up the POA - if he/she is an elder law attorney and ask about a guardianship.

Do you know these people? If yes, how about sending a registered letter to each one saying your father is no longer their "bank" as of this date? Maybe get a lawyer to draft it? just an idea

I am horrified at your predicament. My elderly parents gave me total control over their finances some 15 years ago. I have kept meticulous records and keep the most recent five years of bank statements. Recently they moved into a care home and I had to sell their house to pay the fees. After Mum died last year (96) I have POA on Dad. I consolidated all their accounts and have kept records and receipts even on mundane things like his taxi fares, clothes, toiletries and treats in addition to the monthly care home fees and personal allowance. This protects both him and me as everything can be accounted for. Take control and keep records.

I feel like I have no control looking out for dad. One sister just went in to his house while he is in hospice and took as she wanted. This makes me so upset for him. People have no respect. He is still alive. Having POA is no good when you are dealing with vultures.

Misfit, change the locks and let the chips fall where they may.

I agree with geewiz - change the locks. When my parents moved from their home of 50 years into IL they were both recovering from illness/surgery. In spite of my every efforts over several weeks, they didn't make a single decision regarding what they wanted to take so come moving day I had to decide for them. Next came getting the house ready to sell but first my brothers and I had to deal with all the stuff left behind. At first I had the only key to the house - the way my parents wanted it. So when my brothers wanted to get in to take things they wanted to keep I had to drive 30 minutes and meet them there, wait while they did their thing then lock up when finished. After doing this roughly three times each brother I was weary of it - plus it made me sad AND I was dealing with my folks in their new place. So - after a while I decided to let each brother have a key. HUGE mistake! While with me brothers were very well behaved, not overly greedy and respectful. Then my oldest brother asked if he could bring his adult sons, a daughter-in-law and his wife to select some things. They went on a Saturday and I went over on the next day to assess what was left. I was dumbstruck with what I found! To be honest vandals would have shown more respect. In my dads office - shelves of neatly stacked files just swept onto the floor. In every room cupboards and drawers just dumped out everywhere with doors left hanging open - nothing put back where it was. Nicnacks of my moms broken and left where they fell...it was like drug addicts looking for meth! Then to make it worst, unbeknownst to me - a few days later my parents had decided to go back to the house to pick up a few things. Needless to say, they were stunned and heartbroken! Morale of my story - change locks, change accounts, change banks, change credit cards. Trust no one. It's so very sad but do whatever it takes to keep the "vultures" from feeding off your dad. People like this have no shame.

Misfit file a police report you are the poa.
Hope you have a durable clause because general poa is nolonger any good after mental impaired. Makesure you have durable poa and mentalhealth and healthcare surrogate with financial poa.
Going to house while hes not there is burgulary. If he is not mentally capable abuse of a vunerable person at least.
This will be the only way you will get any respect for him. Maybe a wakeup call for them too.
The police report covers you from accuzations of taking stuff you are the poa so you are despo sible now for him Nd his.
Sorry its so tough. Bless you

A little twist to the ending of this story. One sister and spouse went to hospice to see dad. The spouse attempted to coerce Dad and make a video Will where dad gives everything to the one sister. Dad was weak and on pain medication, but he still wouldn't allow them to manipulate him. He's a tough old dude. The spouse even told hospice he was an attorney so they wouldn't get concerned about what was going on in Dad's room. Regardless, a deathbed Will would not be recognized even if they had been successful. Dad already had a formal Will in place and has for a long time. My attorney friend checked legal records through the pacer website and found where the spouse has filed numerous lawsuits for profit (and lost) against several places including his employer. This is more criminal than I had even imagined. Now I am so glad that we had the surveillance equipment set up when they were pilfering through dad's home while he was in hospice. This along with photos taken of every area for reference. I felt a little paranoid about it, but I guess they weren't expecting it since I was so nice to them. I really hoped I was being overly cautious, but I was given good direction. My attorney friend advised me well, to never trust anyone in these situations. Be nice but don't be stupid. Get good advice and follow it. If you have good family, be thankful. My dad passed away and this saga will continue for a while I'm certain. I miss him so much. Thanks for all the wonderful support.

Wow, MisFit, I'm so sorry for the mess you have had to go through with your family. That is unreal that they stooped so low as to try to get your dad to make a video will giving everything to one sister! Her husband sounds like a real hustler...what vultures! My situation is that the sibling in control of everything with our mom is the also the vulture. So it is totally in her hands to do whatever she wants with my mom's money. She has all the control and all the access to all financial accounts, documents, everything. What did my parents expect when they put the liar/thief of the family in charge of everything? What could go wrong??

Hire an attorney pronto! If you are POA move his money to another financial institution. Contact all banks or financial institutions and tell them what's going on and provide them with the POA. Contact Adult Protective Services - you have an obligation to do that. But definitely at least have a no cost CONSULTATION with an elder law attorney. Please do this for your dad. Hang in there. I hope the best for you all... XO 🙏🏾