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Been hands on caring and managing care for my parents and grandma since 1995. Dad stroke 1978, dementia 2005, mom alzheimers 2004, grandma died 2007. The agency caregivers keep getting injured by moms combative caused by paranoia time during clean up and changing clothes time. Dad try's to calm her but the ear in her wont listen. They anchor each other, without each other both would have emotional problems. The agency called me yesterday for the third time one of their caregivers reported being injured and not coming back. My brother and I just went through a 9 month process of applying for a reverse mortgage for mom and dad to get money to pay for caregivers with alzheimers experience or to place them into a very good memory care place called west Wind in Santa Cruz Ca. It was denied due to them both having dementia and after answering and fixing one problem after another, underwriting denied it due to my power of attorney on dad being dated in 2008, and his undeserved at that time diagnosis of dementia was dated 2005. He was fine mentally then. He didnt get slower in his thinking till around 2013. Even now he still understands and communicates. Its harder and hes slower at understanding, but he is still here mentally. In 2016 he was declare incompetent to handle his finances because it would be too hard for him to do so, when he applied and recieved the VA aid and attendance benefit. They neither one want to leave their home, very adimant about not leaving. Dad completed building their house and moved us in in 1956. They were married in 1949. It took him 7 years to get it done. All these years I have honored their wishes. It has been hard on my own family our relationships, us not being able to take vacations like all my brothers and their wives could do. And when I asked for help watching grandma mom and dad for a week so we could go camping, Disneyland, etc a day so we could go to the beach I was met with meanness from 2 of them. One in 1997 accused me of elder abuse and stealing $83,000 dollars, to the district attorney. We were investigated for months. At the end of the investigation the Head investigate on their way out the door for the last time told me they found no wrong doing on my part, and please continue taking care of them, but if I did keep good records. Anyway when alzheimers hits a family and the mom or dad worries about being taken advantage by one of their children and the other child trys everything to relieve those fears, tell the parent no he isnt stealing from you, not taking your stuff etc, and the parent is so paranoid wont stop worrying it creates problems in the family. And in the beginning you dont understand its the disease causing the problem, it rips families apart. Anyway, there is no money to pay for alzheimers experienced care, or maybe even the experienced care would get hurt too I dont know. When I try to clean mom up from her poop and pee messes, change her clothes she does. The same thing to me. Kaiser told me to do the best I can make sure I dont let her hurt me back away then try again later. I still do hands on care and everything else it takes for them to be able to stay alive and in their own home. Im 61 now, having back problems, wrist and finger problems from all the transfers, dressing cleaning up of may parents and grandmother over the years. Are there any programs that would help pay for their care, they dont qualify for Medicaid, their Medicare is signed over to Kaiser, they have senior advantage insurance through Kaiser. Their total income is $4950. Back in 2007 they had over $120,000 in the bank, but paying for caregivers, groceries, bills, transportation through ooutreach, diapers, medicines etc their savings has dwindled to their income barely paying for care. Without moms LTC policy which ends around april 2018, they wont make it at all. They right now have agency caregivers come in during thei 12 hours a day, they are out of bed, and are remotely monitored during the night.

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Why are they not eligible for Medicaid?

Has either of your parents been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist to determine if meds will help with the agitation and anxiety?
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