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Is there any help for my parents who "make too much"? He is a WWII veteran with Alzheimer's'. She is a retired teacher who has compromised logic from a stroke 10 years ago. He and Mom married last year, after reconnecting from 45 years ago, and even though I love them both with all my heart, I am overwhelmed with caring for both of them. I thought I had round-the-clock care for them three weeks ago (after they both got out of the hospital) for a few weeks until a live-in caregiver could be found, but the caregiver didn't work out and now money is tight. As long as I have the strength, I am not sending either of my parents to a nursing home. They just would not be happy there. I have some type of undiagnosed illness that is sapping my strength so I don't know how long I can keep them out of a home. I have been the primary caregiver for Mom for 9 and a half years, and the primary caregiver for my new dad for two years. I need live-in care for them... the person can even hold a part time job or go to school. They can have two days off per week, but they must also pass a background check. All living expenses can provided, but I can't pay them even close to 2,000+ a month which seems to be the going rate for a professional... any suggestions??

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Home » Money & Legal » Paying for Care » Questions
Paying for Care Questions

For adult children that assume the role of caregiver, there are resources and options available for compensation. You may be able to create a personal care agreement, get paid for taking care of elderly parents, or receive government assistance.

Learn from other caregivers about their experiences with getting paid for providing care or, ask your question and get helpful answers.

View all support groups in the Caregiver Forum. https://www.agingcare.com/Paying-for-Care/Questions-1
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Lady2T, my advice isn't anything to do with getting financial help for your parents. The comment about an unknown illness sapping your strength gave me pause. After caring for my parents for 3 years I found I had skipped important screenings, etc., too many times to count. I ended up with a serious illness that could have been caught much earlier. Take a few minutes, right now, if you haven't seen your doctor lately, and make an appointment for yourself.
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Call Hospice. This is not just an end of life thing, They also have in-home help funded by medicare. It is needs based and there is no financial limitation on eligibility. My wife has ALZ and an aide comes three times per week for bathing, personal hygiene, etc. A nurse comes twice a week for a health check. They supply all needed materials (wipes, gloves, depends, meds, appliances like wheelchairs, etc.) There is no cost for this service to the patient or caregiver.
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Lady, the Admins here have just created sections dealing with specific caregiving questions, including one for veterans:

https://www.agingcare.com/Caregiver-Forum

Look at the section titled Support Groups and check to see if you can find similar questions. The issue of home care has been discussed quite a bit here, as have qualifications to get veteran's assistance.

It might take some time, but you'll probably find other questions and answers that could help you. And reading other posts is an educational experience, so you might get ideas on how to get help that you didn't realize existed.

Good luck!
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why do you say they "make too much"?
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If he served during war time, you are in luck. He gets aid and attention check for that. You have to apply for it through the VA. Go today and apply. It takes about 6 months to get it. Also my husband is not a war vet, but still gets his VA benefits of 10 hours a week caregiving OR three days a week in Daycare facility. He has a nurse come to the house because he is so incontinent with Diarrhea. So he gets benefits of care, plus meds, plus any thing he needs like Depends, pity chair, wheelchair. Shower device. He can get benefits. Depends are really appreciated as he goes through them pretty fast! They are so expensive.You have to apply at the VA to get everything, and then you have to call a lot to get them moving on your case. Be diligent about calling and get them going. And the Aid and Attendance will be a huge help for you. Also if he is a vet there is the nursing home which is so much cheaper than a normal nursing home. Cost was about $4000 a month for my brother in law. He was self pay because he had some money in the bank. A regular nursing home could be over $8000 a day here in MD. More in other states.
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I did apply at the state home for VA. They were kind and helpful. But I did have to keep calling. I have a friend how told me to apply through the Disabled Veterans site. You have to go there to apply with all the correct papers, just as at the VA. I never went because it was a very long ride and I didn't want to do that with a very incontinent person in tow. It would have been really messy and unbearable to be in a car that long. He is in stage 7 now and impossible to drag along to faraway place. The first place I applied was at a local caregiver's daycare place. They had all the paperwork to apply for aid from the VA. They were my first step. But he hated daycare and we quickly moved along to the visiting caregiver, whom he also dislikes. He won't let her do anything for him. When she is here I run out and do my shopping and errands. Or take my dogs for a walk so I get a little exercise. That is my only time to get away and out of the house. 10 hours a week is not much!
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Don't understand them "having too much income" but if they do have money, it should be spent on their care. I've looked into the VA Aid and Attendance programs and from what I read, you can't have more than $80,000 not counting house/cars. You can just google Aid and Attendance and you should find the forms online.
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Can a spouse also get VA benefits if you own property? My stepfather was in service only about 3 months the day he was headed to fight the war he was called off. He was never in active duty SSO would the spouse qualify?
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Does not have to be active duty, only serve during wartime, which is defined on the VA website.
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